Something is wrong
But I don't know what
Something is
unsettled
not at peace
not at home
wandering
searching
seeking
yearning
not satisfied
lacking joy
lacking enthusiasm
Maybe it is the accumulation...of life
things unresolved
questions unanswered
wonderings
discomfort at my many failings
Jesus,
I'm arranging some time
Clearing away the noise
To meet with You
To focus in
To come and hear
Please
Meet me in that time
Speak deeply to my soul
Remind me again of Your love
Show me...whatever I need to see
And strengthen me again
In whatever way it is needed
For the future, the journey, that only You know
Satisfy
Nothing to feed me here
Or nothing to feed the distraction
The sense of meaning
The false sense of meaning?
And yet I am hungry
Searching
Wanting
Yearning
For affirmation
Attention
Something that tells me...
I've cut off the sources
And now I'm left wandering
Places I've looked for comfort, encouragement
Are gone now
I'm left yearning...
I look to You
I try to look to You
Wondering if You really will
If You really do
Satisfy
In a sense I know You do
In a sense I know that only You do
But it feels like
It has been so long
How does it work anyway
Do You, in Yourself alone
Meet all of our needs
Just in You alone
Or do You meet some
Through people
Through relationships
Probably both
And yet people fail
You say You won't
Even with You...
Is it a sign of idolatry
Or just a sign of
Being a normal human being
(Something I have probably never been)
To desire connection
To thrive with healthy connection
But then...have I ever had enough of that either
Or nothing to feed the distraction
The sense of meaning
The false sense of meaning?
And yet I am hungry
Searching
Wanting
Yearning
For affirmation
Attention
Something that tells me...
I've cut off the sources
And now I'm left wandering
Places I've looked for comfort, encouragement
Are gone now
I'm left yearning...
I look to You
I try to look to You
Wondering if You really will
If You really do
Satisfy
In a sense I know You do
In a sense I know that only You do
But it feels like
It has been so long
How does it work anyway
Do You, in Yourself alone
Meet all of our needs
Just in You alone
Or do You meet some
Through people
Through relationships
Probably both
And yet people fail
You say You won't
Even with You...
Is it a sign of idolatry
Or just a sign of
Being a normal human being
(Something I have probably never been)
To desire connection
To thrive with healthy connection
But then...have I ever had enough of that either
Turning
A slow turning
Turning back to God
To fixing my mind and heart on God
Yes it's slow
Very slow
Help me God
Turning back to God
To fixing my mind and heart on God
Yes it's slow
Very slow
Help me God
Stripping and Building
Stripping down
Throwing away
Breaking through
The junk and clutter
Things have accumulated
In all parts of my world
Physical--paper clutter, piles, old electronics
Mental--questions, wonderings
Emotional--confusing relationships and obligations
Virtual--too many connections, options, places to run
More than I can even identify
I'm stripping down
Clarifying
Closing down
Cleaning out
Throwing away
A lightness comes
A hope
A sense of living in the present
It's not done
I must continue
For there is much to be cleared away
And if I don't continue
The piles will return
To clutter
And drag down again
But as I strip away
I'm also aware of barrenness, emptiness
There are areas needing
Support, repair, or brand new additions
There is need to build
Physical--awnings for the cages, air con repairs, shelves
Mental--a plan, order
Emotional--strengthen life-giving relationships
Virtual--more intentionality
There was need to build before this stripping
And even more after
For what will fill the emptiness?
I've wasted too much time bogged down
How can I strip down and build up
For a life that will go the distance
Accomplishing the task
Faithfully running the race
Lighter
With more joy
Throwing away
Breaking through
The junk and clutter
Things have accumulated
In all parts of my world
Physical--paper clutter, piles, old electronics
Mental--questions, wonderings
Emotional--confusing relationships and obligations
Virtual--too many connections, options, places to run
More than I can even identify
I'm stripping down
Clarifying
Closing down
Cleaning out
Throwing away
A lightness comes
A hope
A sense of living in the present
It's not done
I must continue
For there is much to be cleared away
And if I don't continue
The piles will return
To clutter
And drag down again
But as I strip away
I'm also aware of barrenness, emptiness
There are areas needing
Support, repair, or brand new additions
There is need to build
Physical--awnings for the cages, air con repairs, shelves
Mental--a plan, order
Emotional--strengthen life-giving relationships
Virtual--more intentionality
There was need to build before this stripping
And even more after
For what will fill the emptiness?
I've wasted too much time bogged down
How can I strip down and build up
For a life that will go the distance
Accomplishing the task
Faithfully running the race
Lighter
With more joy
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself,
so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
--Heb. 12:1-3
He withholds no good thing from us
There is a theme that came today.
First a Scripture reading included this:
Then a song recommendation--"Open My Hands" by Sara Groves
Which refers to this verse:
And I am stopped
Stunned
Sharing it with friends...I could hardly say it
I know I need to come before You
And find a way to believe it
First, am I walking uprightly?
If yes,
Then I can trust
You will withhold no good thing from me
The song...it's a song of paradox, a song that calls out faith
Some of the lyrics:
I believe in a blessing I don't understand...
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
...
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
...
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
So...will I?
Will I do this?
I will open my hands will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
Funny, the lyrics I first copied over here have this line in the chorus:
I will show up and play the smallest part
Which actually is not in the song
But I like it...
I know I can "show up" and play my part
But can I do it with joy?
With confidence?
With expectancy?
With a knowing that You
Really will
Withhold no good thing from me?
Whatever I receive
Or don't receive
You are not withholding any good thing from me
You are filling my "mouth," my life
With good things
Many good things...
Lyrics:
I believe in a blessing I don't understand
I’ve seen rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing, no good thing from us
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
CHORUS:
I will open my hands will open my heart
I will open my hands will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
CHORUS
No good thing from us
No good thing from us
He withholds no good thing from us
CHORUS
First a Scripture reading included this:
Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.
Ps. 81:10b
Ps. 81:10b
Then a song recommendation--"Open My Hands" by Sara Groves
Which refers to this verse:
The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
Ps. 84:10b
And I am stopped
Stunned
Sharing it with friends...I could hardly say it
I know I need to come before You
And find a way to believe it
First, am I walking uprightly?
If yes,
Then I can trust
You will withhold no good thing from me
The song...it's a song of paradox, a song that calls out faith
Some of the lyrics:
I believe in a blessing I don't understand...
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
...
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
...
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
So...will I?
Will I do this?
I will open my hands will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
Funny, the lyrics I first copied over here have this line in the chorus:
I will show up and play the smallest part
Which actually is not in the song
But I like it...
I know I can "show up" and play my part
But can I do it with joy?
With confidence?
With expectancy?
With a knowing that You
Really will
Withhold no good thing from me?
Whatever I receive
Or don't receive
You are not withholding any good thing from me
You are filling my "mouth," my life
With good things
Many good things...
Lyrics:
I believe in a blessing I don't understand
I’ve seen rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing, no good thing from us
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
CHORUS:
I will open my hands will open my heart
I will open my hands will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
CHORUS
No good thing from us
No good thing from us
He withholds no good thing from us
CHORUS
Waiting...
It hurts so much
I couldn't have imagined this pain
Do I regret having come here?
Almost
Do I want to stay open for more pain?
Like this?
Not really
But...
I don't know the end of the story
And, are there are some endings for which I would say,
"Yes, the pain is worth it"?
Probably
In the end
Can it be not about "pain"
or "endings"
But about how You led?
If I could hear You
If I know You are in this
If I know that I'm responding to Your direction
Then I can (maybe, hopefully!) trust
That it is part of Your forming
Your shaping
Even...
Your blessing
I'm not hearing You much or very well these days
I'm not sensing, or feeling much Your presence
It's nicer
It's easier
When I do
But I've learned my feelings are not the truth
Whether or not I feel
I can choose to trust
I choose to remember Your promises
You are here
You are guiding
You've promised to not let my foot slip
Could it be You are guiding even now,
Even when it feels like I'm slipping all over the place?
It could be
And so I wait...
I couldn't have imagined this pain
Do I regret having come here?
Almost
Do I want to stay open for more pain?
Like this?
Not really
But...
I don't know the end of the story
And, are there are some endings for which I would say,
"Yes, the pain is worth it"?
Probably
In the end
Can it be not about "pain"
or "endings"
But about how You led?
If I could hear You
If I know You are in this
If I know that I'm responding to Your direction
Then I can (maybe, hopefully!) trust
That it is part of Your forming
Your shaping
Even...
Your blessing
I'm not hearing You much or very well these days
I'm not sensing, or feeling much Your presence
It's nicer
It's easier
When I do
But I've learned my feelings are not the truth
Whether or not I feel
I can choose to trust
I choose to remember Your promises
You are here
You are guiding
You've promised to not let my foot slip
Could it be You are guiding even now,
Even when it feels like I'm slipping all over the place?
It could be
And so I wait...
What kind of darkness..., Part 2
Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom,
imprisoned in iron chains of misery.
Ps. 107:10
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people...
Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
Is. 58:6b, 9
...Help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
Is. 58:10b, 11
Is this what You mean Lord?
I thought it might be about something systemic
Perhaps related to sexuality
And the "bonds broken" happening through education
But sitting there beside him
In his darkness
And later pondering
I realized...
This is good
You want hope for him
And maybe this is what You mean
When You talk about removing the chains that bind people
And the heavy yoke of oppression
I sensed You guiding that day
Guiding the prayers, the tears, the words
And maybe this is what You mean
When You say my light will shine out from the darkness
And that You will guide me continually
Guide Lord, lead
And...please,
Shine into his darkness
Make his darkness into light
Restore hope and strength to his bones once again
This is the view from where I sat, the view out the loft window. He was to my left. Previously others were sitting there too, in that chair, and others nearby, sharing that sacred space and time, lifting prayers.
imprisoned in iron chains of misery.
Ps. 107:10
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people...
Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
Is. 58:6b, 9
...Help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
Is. 58:10b, 11
Is this what You mean Lord?
I thought it might be about something systemic
Perhaps related to sexuality
And the "bonds broken" happening through education
But sitting there beside him
In his darkness
And later pondering
I realized...
This is good
You want hope for him
And maybe this is what You mean
When You talk about removing the chains that bind people
And the heavy yoke of oppression
I sensed You guiding that day
Guiding the prayers, the tears, the words
And maybe this is what You mean
When You say my light will shine out from the darkness
And that You will guide me continually
Guide Lord, lead
And...please,
Shine into his darkness
Make his darkness into light
Restore hope and strength to his bones once again
What kind of darkness..., Part 1
Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom,
imprisoned in iron chains of misery.
Ps. 107:10
Sitting
Praying
Weeping
Inviting
Hope and comfort
Come fill this home
Fill this life
What kind of darkness
What kind of despair
Leaves a man
Hiding
Avoiding
Running
Mostly silent
All day
Every day
In bed
Oh he eats
And washes
But otherwise
Just laying there
He doesn't like staying there either
Shakes his head
Weepy
Tears as we pray
He doesn't like it
But it's the best choice he can see
It is all he can do
Father
Please break through
May Your warm gentle light
Break into his darkness
Warm his heart
Invite him
Up
And out
And on with life
Father
For the glory of Your name
For the love You have for them
For the son that's waiting, yearning
For the life that is left to be lived
For the purpose You have planned
Break through
Make change
Give hope
And life
And strength
And...
Whatever is needed
Update Sept. 25, 2014--Yesterday I learned that he does not just sit in bed all day every day. True, he rarely speaks, but his son says he does get up to go foraging on the hills for various in season plants and other edibles.
imprisoned in iron chains of misery.
Ps. 107:10
Sitting
Praying
Weeping
Inviting
Hope and comfort
Come fill this home
Fill this life
What kind of darkness
What kind of despair
Leaves a man
Hiding
Avoiding
Running
Mostly silent
All day
Every day
In bed
Oh he eats
And washes
But otherwise
Just laying there
He doesn't like staying there either
Shakes his head
Weepy
Tears as we pray
He doesn't like it
But it's the best choice he can see
It is all he can do
Father
Please break through
May Your warm gentle light
Break into his darkness
Warm his heart
Invite him
Up
And out
And on with life
Father
For the glory of Your name
For the love You have for them
For the son that's waiting, yearning
For the life that is left to be lived
For the purpose You have planned
Break through
Make change
Give hope
And life
And strength
And...
Whatever is needed
Update Sept. 25, 2014--Yesterday I learned that he does not just sit in bed all day every day. True, he rarely speaks, but his son says he does get up to go foraging on the hills for various in season plants and other edibles.
How does one hold...
How does a heart hold all the pain?
How does one...
Sometimes I almost want to stop asking the questions, but...
There she is, coming to visit.
And she looks troubled, carrying burdens...
and so I/we ask, and find out more, and more...
ugh...how hard...
I don't know what to do,
almost don't want to start to get involved,
but...how can I not....
Three kids,
oldest just out of junior high,
working to make money to get treatment for her dad
Mom left with an other man earlier this year
The girl who told me--her mom died a couple of years back,
her brother is still trying to pay off the debts...
She is starting 2nd year university now...
All I can offer is--a hug, a prayer (she wanted the prayer!),
and now...tears.
Maybe some answers will come, maybe some wisdom.
Maybe we'll be able to help the younger girl...
How does a heart hold all the pain?
I'm talking about hers...
And I'm talking about mine
But for me...
I know
It doesn't
I come to You
And dump it out
Again and again
But her...
Help her to come too
To know You are real
That You also can be her refuge and strength
How does one...
Sometimes I almost want to stop asking the questions, but...
There she is, coming to visit.
And she looks troubled, carrying burdens...
and so I/we ask, and find out more, and more...
ugh...how hard...
I don't know what to do,
almost don't want to start to get involved,
but...how can I not....
Three kids,
oldest just out of junior high,
working to make money to get treatment for her dad
Mom left with an other man earlier this year
The girl who told me--her mom died a couple of years back,
her brother is still trying to pay off the debts...
She is starting 2nd year university now...
All I can offer is--a hug, a prayer (she wanted the prayer!),
and now...tears.
Maybe some answers will come, maybe some wisdom.
Maybe we'll be able to help the younger girl...
How does a heart hold all the pain?
I'm talking about hers...
And I'm talking about mine
But for me...
I know
It doesn't
I come to You
And dump it out
Again and again
But her...
Help her to come too
To know You are real
That You also can be her refuge and strength
Tell me...
Tell me You think I'm beautiful
And that You love me
Just the way I am
Tell me again
and again
You did
It was wonderful
It was enough
But then I don't hear
And I wonder
And I'm tempted to overly seek
Or fall for
The affirmation of man
The folly of thinking that what people
Think about me
Is what really matters
Tell me every day
Cup my face in Your hands
Look in my eyes
Tell me again,
"You're beautiful to me.
I love you just the way you are."
If I hear You say this
I can live with joy
No matter what life throws at me
No matter what others think
And that You love me
Just the way I am
Tell me again
and again
You did
It was wonderful
It was enough
But then I don't hear
And I wonder
And I'm tempted to overly seek
Or fall for
The affirmation of man
The folly of thinking that what people
Think about me
Is what really matters
Tell me every day
Cup my face in Your hands
Look in my eyes
Tell me again,
"You're beautiful to me.
I love you just the way you are."
If I hear You say this
I can live with joy
No matter what life throws at me
No matter what others think
The Wrestle--Calling and Identity
So...what happened?
These days...I have been tested to the depths
of calling
and identity
...the things that matter most
When these are clear and firm
There is confidence
Hope
Joy
Motivation
When these are shaky
Questioned
There is darkness
Discouragement
No motivation
I have asked
Why did You make me like this?
I have needed to hear
Again
That it is good
That You made me good
It was a job well done
Not reluctantly good, or okay
But really good
The best possible
Well...I haven't heard to the level of "best possible" yet
But definitely more than "reluctantly okay"
I have remembered
The things You said to me
Through the years
Especially
Related to
...Lily 野百合
And then You reminded me
It came through me
That good thing
That 'break-through' event
That...
The vision came through me
Yes, me. Me.
I don't know why
But it came
And I said, "yes"
And I followed
And it happened
Better than I would have imagined
You want me to keep doing this, don't You?
You want me to keep going
To keep stepping out
Sometimes "knowing"
Sometimes only barely suspecting
And You plan to use me
You want to use this...
(I want to say "obnoxious," "pushing," "annoying"
But...You probably see it better than that)
This...
Tenacious
Determined
Persistent
Always looking for a way
Always looking for a better way
Never giving up
...little me
And then you say
I love you just the way you are
You're beautiful to me
(still coming...some past posts wrestling with the "Who am I?" ...)
These days...I have been tested to the depths
of calling
and identity
...the things that matter most
When these are clear and firm
There is confidence
Hope
Joy
Motivation
When these are shaky
Questioned
There is darkness
Discouragement
No motivation
I have asked
Why did You make me like this?
I have needed to hear
Again
That it is good
That You made me good
It was a job well done
Not reluctantly good, or okay
But really good
The best possible
Well...I haven't heard to the level of "best possible" yet
But definitely more than "reluctantly okay"
I have remembered
The things You said to me
Through the years
Especially
Related to
...Lily 野百合
And then You reminded me
It came through me
That good thing
That 'break-through' event
That...
The vision came through me
Yes, me. Me.
I don't know why
But it came
And I said, "yes"
And I followed
And it happened
Better than I would have imagined
You want me to keep doing this, don't You?
You want me to keep going
To keep stepping out
Sometimes "knowing"
Sometimes only barely suspecting
And You plan to use me
You want to use this...
(I want to say "obnoxious," "pushing," "annoying"
But...You probably see it better than that)
This...
Tenacious
Determined
Persistent
Always looking for a way
Always looking for a better way
Never giving up
...little me
And then you say
I love you just the way you are
You're beautiful to me
(still coming...some past posts wrestling with the "Who am I?" ...)
Passed
"Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me."
Matt. 11:6
You passed John, you did
You made it
You didn't stumble
There in that dungeon
You wondered
You doubted
It didn't make sense
Wasn't what you planned
Wasn't what you thought would happen
So you sent
And asked
But you didn't turn away
You were faithful to the end
And you are blessed
Compared to your real
And life-taking
Dungeon and trial
Mine...seems trivial
But I have known my own "darkness"
I have had to hold on through the night
Doubting if I have ever heard
Wondering if I had really followed His call
Or if that was all my own imagining
Especially in the light of how things were turning out
But you have taught me
You and many others through the ages
And the training He has given
...to not give up
...not turn away
...not stumble just because it doesn't make sense
I passed too
Thank You Lord
For strength to endure
Hope beyond seeing
The sense of Your approval now
And...since we're including lots of songs that have shared the journey...
Matt. 11:6
You passed John, you did
You made it
You didn't stumble
There in that dungeon
You wondered
You doubted
It didn't make sense
Wasn't what you planned
Wasn't what you thought would happen
So you sent
And asked
But you didn't turn away
You were faithful to the end
And you are blessed
Compared to your real
And life-taking
Dungeon and trial
Mine...seems trivial
But I have known my own "darkness"
I have had to hold on through the night
Doubting if I have ever heard
Wondering if I had really followed His call
Or if that was all my own imagining
Especially in the light of how things were turning out
But you have taught me
You and many others through the ages
And the training He has given
...to not give up
...not turn away
...not stumble just because it doesn't make sense
I passed too
Thank You Lord
For strength to endure
Hope beyond seeing
The sense of Your approval now
And...since we're including lots of songs that have shared the journey...
I Can SEE
...The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness.
Ps. 18:28
I can see again
Thank You LORD
Wow...what a battle
What a time to endure
The difference
between
clouds and fog
and
seeing clearly
is astonishing
Hope
Light
Energy and ability to work
Ideas to plan
I can see
Thank You
Please, can we stay here for a little while? Teach me...lead me. Help me keep walking forward in faith, believing, trusting You for all Your good promises and blessings, and strength for the journey.
Clouds part... Light breaks through...
Ps. 18:28
I can see again
Thank You LORD
Wow...what a battle
What a time to endure
The difference
between
clouds and fog
and
seeing clearly
is astonishing
Hope
Light
Energy and ability to work
Ideas to plan
I can see
Thank You
Please, can we stay here for a little while? Teach me...lead me. Help me keep walking forward in faith, believing, trusting You for all Your good promises and blessings, and strength for the journey.
Clouds part... Light breaks through...
Reaching
I can't see
It's dark.
The journey is long
and hard
And yet I'm reaching out to You
Jesus, You still capture my heart and my imagination again and again
I see Your goodness in this world
(Kent Brantley: Every Now and Then a Disciple Breaks out)
I see how You want to bring Your goodness
I see how it is You reaching out through me
Into the world You have put me in
And there is still strength
And still the want
To go there
To do that
To be that
It's hard
And the journey is long
But still
I'm reaching out for You
Finding strength in You again today
And as I reach out
You reach out to me
You continue to hold me
You continue to remind me
Of who You are
Thank You
It's dark.
The journey is long
and hard
And yet I'm reaching out to You
Jesus, You still capture my heart and my imagination again and again
I see Your goodness in this world
(Kent Brantley: Every Now and Then a Disciple Breaks out)
I see how You want to bring Your goodness
I see how it is You reaching out through me
Into the world You have put me in
And there is still strength
And still the want
To go there
To do that
To be that
It's hard
And the journey is long
But still
I'm reaching out for You
Finding strength in You again today
And as I reach out
You reach out to me
You continue to hold me
You continue to remind me
Of who You are
Thank You
Your forming
Your forming
Is quite amazing
I can see it
I can feel it
How You have led
How the challenges earlier
Have worked something into me
For now
I can see more
I am stronger, more aware
(written earlier in August)
Is quite amazing
I can see it
I can feel it
How You have led
How the challenges earlier
Have worked something into me
For now
I can see more
I am stronger, more aware
(written earlier in August)
Yearning
Yeah how?
How am I supposed to "not be discouraged"?
God,
I can't see You
I can't hear You
I don't know what You are doing
I
am
so
lost
Am I just supposed to keep going blind?
But how?
Please...
Show...
Give insight...
What
has robbed my hope
my faith
my confidence to get up and face it
to take on the day
Well
Maybe I know what has robbed it
Partly anyway
So
What do I do now?
I try to pray
I'm so agitated
All I can do is try
With what I know
And with a heart that leans in
And trust Your kindness
and compassion
To receive
Even when it feels like
not enough
or not quite right
How am I supposed to "not be discouraged"?
God,
I can't see You
I can't hear You
I don't know what You are doing
I
am
so
lost
Am I just supposed to keep going blind?
But how?
Please...
Show...
Give insight...
What
has robbed my hope
my faith
my confidence to get up and face it
to take on the day
Well
Maybe I know what has robbed it
Partly anyway
So
What do I do now?
I try to pray
I'm so agitated
All I can do is try
With what I know
And with a heart that leans in
And trust Your kindness
and compassion
To receive
Even when it feels like
not enough
or not quite right
Do NOT be discouraged
A nearby passage was my reading earlier in the week, and I was reminded of this, written 2010.09.15. At that time I had a sense that God was saying something to me--to press on, to go forward, to build. And now again I wonder if He is still saying the same thing.
From 1 Chron, 28:9, 10, 20:
Learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately
Worship and serve Him with
your whole heart and
a willing mind
For the Lord sees every heart
and knows every plan and thought
If you seek Him
you will find Him
So TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
The Lord has chosen YOU to build a temple...
Be strong and do the work
Be Strong and Courageous and Do the work
Do not be afraid or discouraged
for the Lord God
My God is with you
He will not fail you or forsake you
He will see to it
that all the work...
is finished correctly
"Do not be discouraged!"
We are charged with that many times through Scripture.
I think I've been discouraged, or getting discouraged again and again.
Yesterday I was introduced to some new music, and found some other music, and it blessed me.
Either last night, or this morning I had the thought, "I'm going to need to work hard to NOT be discouraged." And, thankfully, I had ideas, and the energy to be proactive--got up to exercise, to work out to a new playlist of songs I purchased and downloaded videos for yesterday.
I bought and am enjoying many songs from Michael W. Smith's new album Sovereign.
Here is the song Sovereign over us
I also considered Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding. The song Take Another Step is good for me, something I need to remember. I get overwhelmed, lost, confused, can't see my way through, or how what I am doing will be useful, and I get paralyzed and stop. No...I need to learn to just "take another step, and another step."
Thank You Lord, for breaking through to me in my discouragement. Thank You...glimpses of clarity and hope break through, come again and lift me...
From 1 Chron, 28:9, 10, 20:
Learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately
Worship and serve Him withyour whole heart and
a willing mind
For the Lord sees every heart
and knows every plan and thought
If you seek Him
you will find Him
So TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
The Lord has chosen YOU to build a temple...
Be strong and do the work
Be Strong and Courageous and Do the work
Do not be afraid or discouraged
for the Lord God
My God is with you
He will not fail you or forsake you
He will see to it
that all the work...
is finished correctly
"Do not be discouraged!"
We are charged with that many times through Scripture.
I think I've been discouraged, or getting discouraged again and again.
Yesterday I was introduced to some new music, and found some other music, and it blessed me.
Either last night, or this morning I had the thought, "I'm going to need to work hard to NOT be discouraged." And, thankfully, I had ideas, and the energy to be proactive--got up to exercise, to work out to a new playlist of songs I purchased and downloaded videos for yesterday.
I bought and am enjoying many songs from Michael W. Smith's new album Sovereign.
Here is the song Sovereign over us
I also considered Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding. The song Take Another Step is good for me, something I need to remember. I get overwhelmed, lost, confused, can't see my way through, or how what I am doing will be useful, and I get paralyzed and stop. No...I need to learn to just "take another step, and another step."
Thank You Lord, for breaking through to me in my discouragement. Thank You...glimpses of clarity and hope break through, come again and lift me...
Prayer...
What is prayer?
How can I learn to be a person who prays?
Probably ... by praying
I know how to pray, and yet I don't
What stops me?
Sometimes...it's just so easy to bring everything before you, and I do.
Sometimes...I don't know where to begin
Like these days
When I start
I just cry
Which probably means I need to keep going
Stay here
Before You
Until I hear
Until I see
What You are saying to me, in the midst of this
How can I learn to be a person who prays?
Probably ... by praying
I know how to pray, and yet I don't
What stops me?
Sometimes...it's just so easy to bring everything before you, and I do.
Sometimes...I don't know where to begin
Like these days
When I start
I just cry
Which probably means I need to keep going
Stay here
Before You
Until I hear
Until I see
What You are saying to me, in the midst of this
I LOVE This! (Remembering the Journey)
(written June 6, 2012)
"I LOVE this!"
It was Marcus Buckingham (and Andy Stanley who introduced me to him) that first enlightened me to the idea that I should develop my strengths. "But what are my strengths!?!?" I yelled in the kitchen one day, after realizing the idea really made sense. Going through Go Put Your Strengths to Work with staff in 2008, helped me start to notice what I 'loved' and 'loathed' as one indicator.
Did I say it? I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives.
"I LOVE this!"
That's what I thought several times today while planning the last segment of the final activity for our graduating students. I love it, I really do. I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives. I got excited a couple of weeks ago opening up the files and notes for the sessions we're teaching next week.
It was Marcus Buckingham (and Andy Stanley who introduced me to him) that first enlightened me to the idea that I should develop my strengths. "But what are my strengths!?!?" I yelled in the kitchen one day, after realizing the idea really made sense. Going through Go Put Your Strengths to Work with staff in 2008, helped me start to notice what I 'loved' and 'loathed' as one indicator.
Did I say it? I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives.
Note: as of Aug. 13, 2014...
I STILL love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives!
I STILL love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives!
Dreams and Training
Until the time came to fulfill his dreams,[a]
the Lord tested Joseph’s character.
Psalm 105:19 (NLT)
The footnote on "his dreams" says "or his word." Interesting...they are really the same thing--the dreams God gave Joseph, were "his word" to Joseph, His plans for his life.
What seems like such a tragedy--Joseph sold as a slave to Egypt, is described in this passage as very planned and intentional. To prepare for the famine the LORD was going to send, "he sent someone to Egypt ahead of them" (v. 17a).
This plan seems so opposite the dreams. No, they were still real, true. The would still be fulfilled. Just...it was not yet time to fulfill those dreams. And until the time came to fulfill the dreams "the LORD tested Joseph's character."
You have also 'spoken' to me, and given me 'dreams.' Could it be that you are also, right now, 'testing my character'? Oh dear, if it's like test in school--"here it is, see how you do," well, I have already failed miserably. However if this 'testing' is a 'training,' then there is still hope. I can try, realize the challenge, fail miserably, come to You for insight, direction, realize what needs to change, work on the "strength training," build some muscle, keep trying.
Don't know where we get the idea that "dreams" are just "fun," and immediately granted or fulfilled. Generally, this is not the case. That it takes time, a lot of time, and struggle, to get there, in no way minimizes the truth, the power, the worth, or the reality of the dream.
So now, for me, I need to hang on to the dream, and until then, lean into the character training.
And...since I'm still listening to and enjoying Casting Crowns' Thrive album, here's a related song--Dream for You.
the Lord tested Joseph’s character.
Psalm 105:19 (NLT)
The footnote on "his dreams" says "or his word." Interesting...they are really the same thing--the dreams God gave Joseph, were "his word" to Joseph, His plans for his life.
What seems like such a tragedy--Joseph sold as a slave to Egypt, is described in this passage as very planned and intentional. To prepare for the famine the LORD was going to send, "he sent someone to Egypt ahead of them" (v. 17a).
This plan seems so opposite the dreams. No, they were still real, true. The would still be fulfilled. Just...it was not yet time to fulfill those dreams. And until the time came to fulfill the dreams "the LORD tested Joseph's character."
You have also 'spoken' to me, and given me 'dreams.' Could it be that you are also, right now, 'testing my character'? Oh dear, if it's like test in school--"here it is, see how you do," well, I have already failed miserably. However if this 'testing' is a 'training,' then there is still hope. I can try, realize the challenge, fail miserably, come to You for insight, direction, realize what needs to change, work on the "strength training," build some muscle, keep trying.
Don't know where we get the idea that "dreams" are just "fun," and immediately granted or fulfilled. Generally, this is not the case. That it takes time, a lot of time, and struggle, to get there, in no way minimizes the truth, the power, the worth, or the reality of the dream.
So now, for me, I need to hang on to the dream, and until then, lean into the character training.
And...since I'm still listening to and enjoying Casting Crowns' Thrive album, here's a related song--Dream for You.
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