Do NOT be discouraged

A nearby passage was my reading earlier in the week, and I was reminded of this, written 2010.09.15. At that time I had a sense that God was saying something to me--to press on, to go forward, to build. And now again I wonder if He is still saying the same thing.

From 1 Chron, 28:9, 10, 20:

Learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately

Worship and serve Him with
   your whole heart and
      a willing mind

For the Lord sees every heart
   and knows every plan and thought

If you seek Him
   you will find Him

So TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
The Lord has chosen YOU to build a temple...
    Be strong and do the work
Be Strong and Courageous and Do the work

Do not be afraid or discouraged
   for the Lord God
      My God is with you
      He will not fail you or forsake you

     He will see to it
        that all the work...
           is finished correctly


"Do not be discouraged!"
We are charged with that many times through Scripture.
I think I've been discouraged, or getting discouraged again and again.
Yesterday I was introduced to some new music, and found some other music, and it blessed me.
Either last night, or this morning I had the thought, "I'm going to need to work hard to NOT be discouraged." And, thankfully, I had ideas, and the energy to be proactive--got up to exercise, to work out to a new playlist of songs I purchased and downloaded videos for yesterday.

I bought and am enjoying many songs from Michael W. Smith's new album Sovereign.
Here is the song Sovereign over us

 I also considered Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding.  The song Take Another Step is good for me, something I need to remember. I get overwhelmed, lost, confused, can't see my way through, or how what I am doing will be useful, and I get paralyzed and stop. No...I need to learn to just "take another step, and another step."

Thank You Lord, for breaking through to me in my discouragement. Thank You...glimpses of clarity and hope break through, come again and lift me...

Can't You pick someone else?

Why do You entrust so much to me?
Why do You keep giving me so much?
When I continue to waste so much?
Don't You have better stewards?
Don't You have wiser managers?
Don't You have more willing participants in the tasks You assign?

Oh I'm willing for some, for much
But some...I just keep
Showing up late
With my lame excuses
Head hanging
Not looking You in the eye
I don't want to do it
I don't know how to do it
I wish I didn't have to do it
Couldn't You pick someone else for some of these parts?

Why are You so determined that I learn this thing?
Why must You hold my nose to the grindstone?
What are You planning?
What are You looking for?
What is the lesson to be learned?
What is the glory You hope to gain?
...plan to gain?

I keep running
And balking
And falling flat
And You keep giving
Reminding
Blessing

I keep looking at the road
Running around the starting point
Wandering off the side paths
Hanging out on those benches
You keep pointing to the road
Urging action
"Just walk"

Let this be my LIFE

⁴ The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom,
    so that I know how to comfort the weary.
Morning by morning he wakens me
    and opens my understanding to his will.
⁵ The Sovereign Lord has spoken to me,
    and I have listened.
    I have not rebelled or turned away.
Isa. 50:4-5, NLT

The Me I Don't Want to Be

I'm doing it now
Living it out
The life of the me I don't want to be

I thought
I've always strived to
Work out problems with others
If there is something wrong
Something I suspect in them
Or something bothering me
To bring it up
Try to talk
Try to work it out

But I'm not doing that now
Don't know how
Have tried
Doesn't seem to work
Aware that some or even much of the problem is in my heart
So why bother working it through with them
They aren't necessarily going to help
They don't feel safe for the process

How did I get here
Living like this

Now I understand how it happens

But how can I ... get beyond this?

Never been such a reluctant giver

Wow, that was strange
I heard they were looking for financial support
They did not tell me or ask me to support
I did NOT think they should be getting and living off support
I hoped others would NOT support
That it would all be seen to be the wrong direction

And then I sensed Father saying to me
'Give x-dollars/month'
What? No. I don't want to.
Okay, well if you really want me to, 
I want to obey, more than to 'be right'
But this does not seem at all right.
And how do I know it is really You speaking?
Is this You? or is it my crazy brain?

I've never been such a reluctant giver
Usually when prompted, it's pretty easy
But this time--No, You couldn't be asking that
(I'm still trying to adjust to so much)

And the idea came
Again and again
As I kept bringing myself before the Lord
And it came today in conversation with them
And it came again when I came home 
And felt again the flood--hurt, anger...

So today I did
I started
I don't want to miss this opportunity

I wonder if it will be a bit of a battle every month
It seems tempting to give for a year all at once
But I think I need to stick with monthly

And I sense
It may be a part of the healing of my heart

So I gave
Reluctant at first, but not later

I started
I don't want to miss this opportunity
To give
To obey
To be a part of the good that may come of later
To know healing
To have my heart transformed
To lay down the hurts, and anger
To refuse to let any bitter roots grow