Wrecked

How can I let my heart be "wrecked"--again and again, and moved to action that makes a difference? Somehow I need to learn to remove the clutter of my life, that gets in the way, that bogs down and takes away from most important things.

Do you know--I still haven't followed up on the family of the girl that killed herself in September (mom was dying, a younger brother in Jr high school that probably does not have much emotional support at all)...I looked up some numbers in my phone...I should be able to find them.

Do you know--I have heard rumours of abuse at a junior high school, and in another location (or two) rumours of jr high girls lured into prostitution. I wonder if girls get tricked to come and 'work' at a place right here in town. About these things, as yet, I have done nothing.

Oh sure...I've found some meaningful things to do with my days--help youth walk through their grief, helping a high school girl now figure out how to avoid and what to do about the uncle that wants her to do things he should never ask of her... Guys are hurting, afraid, due to their absent and abusive fathers. A girl wants to hate her mom due to her affair. Yes, for these things, and many more, we are trying to help them find away.

But...there is so much more.

Christ has
No body now on earth but yours;
No hands but yours;
No feet but yours;
Yours are the eyes
Through which is to look out
Christ's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet
With which he is to go about
Doing good;
Yours are the hands
With which he is to bless now.
--Saint Teresa of Avila
 
Jesus, I repent, again, still
I suppose there will be many more times of repentance
For the foolish ways in which I spend my days
The gifts I throw away
The pain from which I turn away
Lest it too inconvenience my life
Make me Yours
Fully Yours
You, are not okay with these things still happening in our world
I should not be okay with it either
Change me
Open my eyes
Show me the way through
Strengthen me
May my life somehow be spent
That more good
And less of this evil and pain
Exists in my little corner of the planet
The corner You've entrusted me to walk 


Oh you who read this...don't applaud me. Don't say this is fine and grand. Words and passion are nothing without action. God alone knows how much I have really done in comparison to how much I have been given. And don't either tell me that I'm being too hard on myself. This is not condemnation, I am free of that in Jesus Christ (Thank you, Lord!), but rather a calling, an invitation, that connects with what, in the end, I really most want out of life.


(Bill Hybel's message Holy Discontent has many times been an encouragement to "let it wreck" me. Jeff Goins' book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life, looks like a good one to gently invite a life of more self-sacrifice.)
 
 

Now, Get off Your Butt!! (part 2)

This is another thing You want to work on in my life--this laziness of mine. Oh, I know, some who know me would wonder at that--don't I work hard? Don't I work too many hours and push too hard sometimes? Yes, I do that too. They might say, "Are you sometimes too hard on yourself?" Yes, that's a problem sometimes.

But there is another problem I have, one that You and I know, some others do too. It's related to the "busyness" that is really "laziness at the center." And it's about a lack of faithfulness and diligence and discipline in my life. There is work You give me to do, that is related to my gifting, is almost all pleasure, and generally easy to jump to--maybe positive and immediate feedback also helps. But there is also the work that is necessary, hard, requires simple diligence and faithfulness. Too often I leave that work, delay it. I stick with what I feel like doing, not what I should do. That last minute rush I've lived all my life--papers and exams ready at the last minute, preparation at the last minute. When the imminent deadline is upon me I suddenly feel like doing it, and then pour myself into the task.

You want me to learn diligence and faithfulness. Gently you guide, prod, remind.

This week's daily opening invocation (in "the blue book"*) is: 

Almighty God, who came to us long ago in the birth of Jesus Christ, be born in us anew today by the power of your Holy Spirit. We offer our lives as home to you and ask for grace and strength to live as your faithful, joyful children always. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And the closing benediction each day is:

You have been reminded that Jesus Christ is your Lord and that you are God's servant. You are loved; you are forgiven; you are empowered; and now you are sent to live as God's faithful one. Amen

Each day I have prayed that I would live faithfully. Each day I have entered the day reminded of what I have been given and having received the charge to "live as God's faithful one."

Today's reading from Zephaniah 3:14-20 didn't "say" anything to me this morning, until I first noticed something previously underlined on the next page--Hag. 2:4-5 (NLT, emphasis mine):

But now the LORD says: 'Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.'

Oh this passage has so much of the same things You have been saying to me in other places--"be strong," "don't be afraid," because "I am with you"--but then also adds the "get to work." After reading this, I read the Zephaniah passage again, ah, there in v. 16 is a "Fear not" (again), followed shortly with a "let not your hands grow weak" (keep working, be faithful, GET TO WORK), and before and after that verse God says, in effect, I am with you. "The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst" (v. 15), and "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save" (v. 17).

So...I turn to my work today, late, not as faithful as I could be, but this week, I have learned some, done better sometimes. Today there is some tedious work--editing Christmas messages to students, revising the agenda for our big evaluation meetings next week (I'll try not to struggle or complain about the '2-language-brain' issues I seem to have.) and then doing some of my own evaluation thinking work. 

May this start to work its way into my life...
Thank You. You are faithful. You will keep working on me!

*"the blue book" is my guide for the next year at least, starting Advent (December 1) 2013--its real name is A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants." It came highly recommended, and I'm expecting good things!
 

Now, Get off Your Butt!! (part 1)

I'd rather dream and ponder than ACT
Journaling, deep thoughts, intensity
Much more fun that filing
Pretty arrogant, aren't I?
Somehow think I'm above "boring work"
Somehow think I'm exempt from the dirty stuff,
The mess clean-up

Or...I just like to clean up a different kind of mess
Not my own
Not ... papers
Not ... finance reports
Not ... taxes

Get off your butt, girl!
Lead yourself, would you!
Life is about more than just what you WANT to do
Responsibility is doing what you ought to do when you ought to
Get on with it!

Nov. 28, 2013

Christ the King

Prayer for Christ the King Sunday
Almighty and everlasting God, whose will it is to restore all things in your well-beloved Son, the King of kings and Lord of lords: Mercifully grant that the peoples of the earth, divided and enslaved by sin, may be freed and brought together under his most gracious rule; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. 

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Luke 8:22-56

Jesus, You are King over the storms, King over demons, King over sickness, and even King over death. All the storms that arise, You can wake up and still them, then turn and look at me and say, "Where is your faith?" "Where is my faith?" Didn't I turn to You for help in it? Ah, yes, but it was more out of desperation. I wasn't really convinced you would calm the storm and see me through. King Jesus--Your heart is to free, and to heal, and to give life.

And You make demands on us
You demand more faith
And you demand that faith be recognized, commended
To the woman--You demanded she acknowledge
You wanted her to be seen and known
You wanted her to own her story of weakness, failure, healing and mercy

   ----------------

Jesus, the storms have come
The boat looks like it's sinking
Save us, please, we're going to drown
Where's my faith?
I believe
Help my unbelief

Cast out of me all that is evil and vile
Cleanse me
These demons within
My constant companions
Intrinsically mine
I so don't want them
Yet am helpless to free myself

The failure, the pain
I have come crawling to You for healing
I wanted, I thought, a quiet healing
But, NO, You demand so much more
You demand I stand
For all to see
Head held high
That my story
That Your mercy, healing and love
Be known
And so, that which is my shame
I share
That they, too, might know

Things dead
Dreams long forgotten
Hope...so long "sleeping"
Even that
Are You coming to 
Resurrect?
It's laughable
(Sometimes laughing
Is easier than hoping)
Do what You will
The miracle
Astound us
Astound me
And bring them out alive