Yearning

Today I wake
I start this day
With a yearning
And a grief-like ache

A yearning to do well
A yearning to work hard
To return to You this day
A job well done
Time well spent

I've thought several times
My "conscience" about this "is broken"
It's been over-stretched
Like a spring, pulled beyond its limits
And unable to bounce back
I have become
Unable to judge
Unable to sense
Unable to care


But today
I seem to care again
There's a soberness about it
A motivation
But not that high-strung 'rah-rah let's go' kind
It's mellow
And sober
And...a little afraid

To please You...

So, what would please You?
What would be a fair return
On this day You have given?
This day
Or any day

Not long ago I was thinking
I want another parable
That one didn't work for me
You know the one
Five or two or one talent
Five and two were invested
And got a 100% return
One was buried, and returned zero
All or nothing?
Those the only options?

Was there ever anyone
Who received five
But only invested two or three?
What do You say to that?

I wondered
What if they received five
And didn't really know what to do with it
In the end, some turned out to be poor investments
You say
You gave as they were able
So...they would know?

It often feels like
You gave way more than I can handle
And I don't know where to turn
So I bury
Well...
Don't completely bury
Some is good

Yesterday that question
Do you believe that God is pleased with you?
That He delights in you?
And if He is, how does that change what I think are my responsibilities? 

Are You pleased?
With what?
Anytime?
All day, every day?
No matter what I do?
I doubt it
So...
What does please You?
What would please You?
I think I have some answers
Is it okay to ask for...
More specific?