You Gave me This...

Thank You Lord
for the life that you gave me
this life
in this place
with its hardship
isolation
loneliness
(I never thought I'd be saying this, but)
Thank You
for the lack of resources
the lack of help

I think, along the way
I've helped some others
and that was the intent

But I'm coming to see
I needed this place
this journey
to be forced to grow
and develop
so many gifts and talents
latent
unused
hidden
in the background
backing down and
backing away
when others were more competent

I needed to be in a place
where there was no one else
where at least my little
could be seen as a help
to force me to offer
and be bold
and let You
draw, push, force
more out of me

And You
having put this treasure in me
determined that You
wanted to see it flourish
blossom
grow
You wanted me to be
all that You made me to be
You wanted to see these gifts
discovered and used

and this
was the only place
where it could happen

Thank You Good God
for so faithfully arranging my life

Welcome 2012

Here it is--the new year.
Tomorrow I start my year immersed in "learning from Jesus"...whatever that quite means... 
I'll start my reading and meditating in Matt. 5-7--reading over and over. John 13-17 (or 14-16) will be big too I think, and then just lots of being in the gospels, learning to talk to and walk with Jesus.  I have no idea how this is going to work. It's a little scary.

But...here's to 2012.
Lord, teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom.

He delivered

Been wanting to talk to him for a while.
Held off because
Well, he doesn't know much of the situation
He's quite distant from it
Being half a world away and all
And not knowing some of the pieces
And ... aren't you supposed to talk directly 
   to the person/people involved first?
But I've tried sometimes
And didn't know what to do next
Finally decided 
   there was a part I could and should ask him about

I guess I needed someone truly safe
Someone who really loves me to the end
And someone with whom I can really share my heart
I also wanted to talk to him
   because I knew he would bring wisdom
   because I knew he would tell it to me straight
He would question heart motives
He wouldn't let me smooth over anything
No way to bluff, hide...
If I had wanted to

And, well, you delivered Dad
Good, hard.
Words of truth delivered so straight
And so gently
Yet, not stopped by my tears (good!)

He said,

"Maybe the one thing you don't want to do, is what you need to do."

"Do you love...?  ...the second commandment is an outflow of the first"
"We're challenged to be thankful in all things...we're challenged to do things we cannot do on our own."

"You need to keep focused on [your purpose]."

And then there were the comments like, "Yes, you could be hurt again,." "This will refine you," and, "Keep taking it to God."

What more does a person need when facing tough challenges?
...when it's hard to figure out what to do,
...and easy to put off going forward because it is so darn hard! 
Thank you Daddy! 
   
Forty-one-year-old daughters, still need dads that will listen, be safe and close (the tears flowed way more than I expected, way more than usual when I talk with others), and yet speak strong and hard words--"Do what is right. Do what you need to do. Keep taking it to the LORD." 

And now...for my part...

In Pursuit of Wisdom

A good question was asked at A Place for the God Hungry:  "Am I a person who is growing in wisdom? Or, am I a person who simply gathers bits and pieces of Googled information?" It is too easy to be that latter.

It was a good follow-up to the only verse that jumped out as possibly specifically "for me" in this morning's reading.  It said: "Trusting in oneself is foolish, but those who walk in wisdom are safe" (Prov. 28:26, NLT), and I was left wondering...which am I doing? I'm not supposed to trust myself. And yet, when I trust in wisdom, there is a sense in which it is also coming out of me. This verse doesn't say just blindly trust others. And, of late, I find myself being open and honest with others, allowing them to see, allowing (wanting) them to comment and mirror back to me, but sometimes I am dissatisfied with their responses. Sometimes the words of others are wisdom, sometimes they are not.

"Wisdom is about understanding and becoming a certain kind of person" is a part of another point to ponder on that same page. Am I becoming a person of wisdom?

Today...I need to resist the distractions. I've already been ensnared a few times.