Traveller Still...

It's interesting
How the metaphors that come

Or the words spoken

That resonate

Become something that carries

Way further than we could have ever imagined

How did I come upon the ideas of 

Traveller and 

Sojourner

for me, for my journey

Oh yeah, sure

"Life is a journey"

"We're all on a pilgrimage"

And my life

Living half-way around the world

From where I was born

Where my roots first took hold

Perhaps led me to identify even more

But that's just the physical

Today I'm realizing again

I'm still on such a journey

The land is still so new

I thought I'd started out
   to new places
   before

I thought I'd 'landed'

But then came the need

To start out again

I've almost found a place to rest,

   I think

Though I'm not quite sure...

I know where it is
   that is 'most' comfortable now

Compared to all the other places
   that are definitely not

And yet I know

It may not be the place I stay

There is more to explore

And so

Today

Once again

I remember

I embrace again

My identity

As Traveller, Sojourner

I'm thankful that I'm "enjoying" it again.

I'm thankful that it actually feels pleasant

(Sometimes the journey has been just hard

sometimes terrifying!
Sometimes I've doubted
if there was a journey,
a road,
or if I was just mired in muck.) 

I am a traveller, a sojourner,

All my life I will be

And on this journey

Again and still

I am so thankful
for journey companions

Others exploring similar terrain

Others not content to stay where they are

When they discover 

the land where they have been 

has become 

   hostile

   a place of slavery

   and injustice

And this defines the kind of traveller I am

And the kind of travellers 

   that become my journey companions

We're not constantly moving, constantly leaving

Just out of wanderlust

Or a simply frivolous and 

   never-ending need 

   to see new places

(Though seeing new places is good

Maybe that's a part of discovering 

   the problems 

   with the place you are)

No, more we are compelled by 

   an awakening

   a discontent

   realizing where we have been

   is wrong

We cannot stay

A traveller, a learner

May I always be

And always "at home"
   with those who also seek

Trembling and Bewildered, Afraid

Mark 16 

1 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. 2 Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3 and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7 But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’”
8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

The Realization

     I guess I am a little "afraid" after all.


But...

It's okay to be afraid and bewildered
   as you follow this Jesus
This Jesus...who will constantly surprise you
   with what he does next
It's okay
   that it takes you time to process it all

He still comes to you
   invites you into the experience
   and the revelation
He still goes ahead of you
   and waits for you
   in the unknown

Follow
Trembling
   Bewildered
      Afraid
Go there anyway
You won't want to miss out
   on this adventure!


The invitation:
   Expect the unexpected
   Cultivate a sense of anticipation (it is a faith) choice.
   And in my mind ring the words, "In the light of an unknown future, why would you choose fear [instead of faith]?"


Note: the above are my reflections that came from this Lectio Divina meditation: The Risen Christ Goes Ahead of You

Tired of Simplistic Faith

God, I'm tired of simplistic faith!

And simplistic teaching on faith

Simplistic lists of sins

That leave most of us feeling 

     self-satisfied with ourselves

     noble in helping others

     along with a little bit of pity

     ...disguised as compassion

"Come to the Cross,

     and everything will be okay"

Really?

That's all it takes?

What does that mean anyway?

Does it help us?

Does it help anyone?

And it bugs me

That this sort of thing is still

So prevalent

It seems we may be

Doing more harm than good

Inoculating people

Against true faith

When they get a chance

To finally hear it

Enough

I started listening to John's writing
As I walked the track this morning
And I wondered about you
I've wondered before but today I wondered again

Weird...
As soon as I heard the words
That you had come from God
As witness
An incredible longing welled up inside me
A longing to be close to God
To hear His voice
As though you must have known that
With this calling of yours
To know you were chosen,
Had a purpose, and a task

But then I wondered, if you really felt that close
And remembered...later
The doubt and despair you must have felt
As you languished in prison
For you sent your disciples asking
Revealing your doubts

But you had seen amazing things
Much earler, you had heard from God
How to recognize Him
And then it happened
You saw the Spirit land on Him like a dove
And a voice...
On that day, you knew
You really knew
Bet you were so sure of who He was
And why He had come
And how your whole life
Fit in the plan
I wonder if you thought
You would never doubt again

But you did
You doubted
Life became very dark
What were you thinking and feeling
In those very last moments
When they came for you
When you realized you were living your last minutes, seconds
Did a peace, a strength, fill you
Did He come close to comfort
That you would know His presence
I hope so
I wish it were so
I do not doubt God's presence was there
Watching, hurting perhaps
Giving you strength enough
I just don't know if you actually felt it as enough

But it was enough
To endure
Faithful to the end

I guess that's how it goes, doesn't it
This faith journey
Yours and mine
There are times of knowing, being so sure
But even after those times
Doubt
Darkness
Struggle
Crying out to make sense of it all
And no miraculous release

Did the answers satisfy
Was it enough
You asked
He answered
Reminding you of the prophecies
I'd like to think they did
Beautiful, isn't it
He didn't mind your questions
Didn't tell you off for doubting
But answered
I'd like to think the answer received then
Was enough
To strengthen those days
And make it to the end

Yes, that is how it goes
The visions
The hearing
The amazing proofs
Followed by darkness
Doubting
Questions
Wondering
Little bits of strengthening come
Various ways
Different times
Strength enough to get through that day
And then the next
Barely getting through it seems
But
Strength enough
Faith enough
To make it to the end

For me there will be
Strength enough
Faith enough
To make it
 

"Failure is an absolute, complete necessity."

I first heard this message during the live webcast in November 2013. Now it is available online. GOOD! I can listen again and again, and I post this now as a "note to self." These are some ideas gleaned from Craig Groeschel at the 2013 World Leader's Conference regarding "Leading Through the Fear of Failure."

"Failure is not an option, it's an absolute complete necessity because when you've stopped failing you've stopped taking risks, and you will stop growing and you will stop taking ground."

The paradox of the fear of failure:  "The fear of failure drives you to stop taking risks, but not taking risks ultimately leads to failure."

In spiritual terms:  "To lead without faith, it's impossible to please God. If I am so consumed with the fear of failure, that I will try to lead without faith, and without faith it's impossible to please God."

In the parable of the talents, the one who buried his, effectively said, "I was afraid, so I didn't take the risk."

"The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear."

4 Principles:

1. Failure is often the first step toward success.

• We learn more through failing than through succeeding.
• "Never ever waste a failure!"
• "If you haven't failed recently you're playing it way too safe."
• "We could not know and do what we do today had we not learned from the mistakes that we made. Some people hesitate to try because ... it may not work, and sometimes it needs to not work so you can learn what would work the very next time."
• If you're not failing every now and then, you're playing it way too safe! 
• When is the last time you failed?
• When is the last time you launched an idea?

2. Your team needs permission to fail.

• Ask this on annual reviews: Where did you fail this year?
• Create a culture of experimentation, trying new things.
• There might be something you failed at before and it's time to try it again.
• "The antidote to the fear of failure is not success, ...it's small doses of failure."

3.  Failure is an event, not a person.

• When you do fail, and you're tempted to feel devastated...remember this...
• Don't personalize and internalize a failure, learn from it.
• Don't blame yourself for the declines, or one day you'll take credit for the increase.
• "A failure may be exactly what you need so that you can grow as the leader you're supposed to be."
• Shake it off... Step on up...
• If you're not dead, God's got more for you to do.
• You are not what you did...just shake it on off and step up. 
• "I wonder how many people have a burden and could actually impact this world, but never ever try because they're afraid to fail. What are you supposed to do?" Peter...for a moment, walked on water, but you have to get out of the boat.

4. You have to step out to find out.

• Feel the fear and do it anyway. 
• When I don't feel a little bit of that fear, that's when I get really afraid, because I've stopped leading aggressively and stopped believing and trying things that take faith. 

 
"I pray you fail. I pray you fail often. I pray you fail big. I pray you learn. I pray you adjust. I pray you do what others believe cannot be done and that you succeed for the glory of God and His kingdom."

Crying out to You

Are You walking with me each day Lord?  Even though I'm in a bit of a fog, and feel disconnected (amazing how the body affects the mind and emotions).  But...was that You?

Sunday night or Monday morning I cried out for help--for energy and motivation, and Monday morning came that email from a friend, telling me she was praying for me, asking if there was anything else. And it gave a little bit of energy, and enthusiasm.

Tuesday night, after a tired and jet-lagged day, cried out for help again--need motivation to get into and back at work. Then in the night there was a dream. I woke remembering how, in the dream, I was explaining to a former teacher, someone distant from the work here, all that has happened, the students, etc...and it left me feeling that "yes, this is meaningful and worth doing".

Is that You, God? Are You here, gently, day by day, reminding and encouraging, in my weakness and confusion?

Oh I have seen You in past weeks, some very big ways, some very significant things (much 'drafted', but not yet posted here). And yet today, again, I need You, I need to know You near. Thank You for every little and big reminder.

What does faith look like?

I've been listening to a great series, his current series, on Faith & Doubt by Greg Boyd. Today I listened to one called Imagine. This message is about how to have faith in the midst of really hard things. He shared about their 25 year-old son, and his struggles, and their pain due to his autism. I, too, have wrestled with hard things, and wondered how to live in faith and joy in the face of them.

We can't fix the world, but we're not allowed to do hopeless.

So what DO we do? I've come to realize...I spend a lot of time trying to "fix" things. My goodness, my whole life is about trying to improve thigns in one way or another. However, I'm realizing...it can go too far. And some things don't seem to change.

So what does faith look like in the middle of an unfixable situation?

He mentioned the people that used to be idealistic. They are the ones that can get really bitter and cynical in the end. Or, perhaps now they are still really angry about the wrong in the world, the injustices--they are the ones who still think they can do something to fix it.

We can't fix it. We're not supposed to be the ones to fix it. WAIT!!  Everything in me ragese against that thought. What, are we supposed to give in to despair? Are we supposed to give up and walk away? 

And yet I have struggled, and asked many times in the past year, "Lord, what am I supposed to do with this pain?" There are things that I cannot change, although I wish I could and at times I have tried. 

In the message he takes us to another perspective...to remembering, and looking forward to the day when Christ will reign as victor over all these things, when there will be no more pain and tears. (Did I say I recommend this series?  Serious, take a listen!)

And in the meantime we live in faith. We still do what we can, but we're somehow released from having to "fix" things. And it still hurts.

God, ...help us to have the faith to go on, 
keep making whatever difference we can make, 
knowing we can't fix it. 

The Cost of Tears

It just occurred to me that one key to learning to live or regaining my balance might be to budget in about 5 hours for "crying" into each work week. Either that, or add an extra day of rest to cry and recover. I guess our staff all need that sort of time too...they are even closer to some painful situations.

The pain I see or hear about ... takes a serious toll. This week, the event that 'inspired' Cry for the Children was a baby girl having been given away. The person closer to the situation--also deeply affected and called to action.

Today ... there are bus rides, conversations, and people changing their minds, willing to try to go and find her... and I'm crying again.

Sometimes I think I'm crying tears people don't know to cry for themselves, or tears they've locked away deep inside...waiting for the day to come out. 

I'm crying and praying for that baby girl...about 2 weeks old now. Where is she? Father, please protect her, prepare a home for her, a home where she will be loved.

If I sometimes feel I can hardly bear the pain... I wonder how God does it, He sees it so much more clearly.

But then, if He can see it and go on, then maybe I can too.

And maybe He can see it and go on, because He sees somethinge else so much more clearly than I--He sees what He wants to do and can do in the situation. He sees what He plans to do--the beauty, the hope, the purifying, the refining--the wonderful redemption He can and wills to bring about. Sometimes I can see a little of what might come, but I need to see more. Father, give me eyes of faith to see what You see, to see, believe, and walk forward in hope.