A Sabbath Heart

Thoughts from Mark Buchanan's Spiritual Renewal workshop at Break Forth 2013.

The fundamental thing...if you don't have a sabbath heart, you will never have a sabbath day.

"The problem with the culture we're living in is we're trying to solve the dilemma of our extreme busyness and stressfulness and all of that, by simply creating more leisure, and leisure isn't the cure for what ails us, sabbath is."

How do we gain this ability to enter the rest of God...to get to the place where we can really recline with Jesus, without constant agitation, checking email or the iPhone, etc. to just enjoy Jesus, know He likes you and you like Him?

It takes a Sabbath heart, and a Sabbath heart is rooted in one thing in particular: a deep and deepening conviction of the sovereign goodness of God.

If I don't cultivate this sense of God's sovereign overruling transcendent imminent goodness and presence and ability to deal with life in all of it's tumultuousness and make it all work together for good, then I can't rest.

The next phase of the Journey

I have just finished Ingatius's "Week 1" in The Journey with Jesus. The five weeks there have been good, deepening. Now I head into "Week 2" and 15 weeks entering the life of Jesus up to the cross, coming closer, understanding more, hearing once again, and more deeply and fully, His invitation to follow.

In this transition, suddenly comes an awe, a holy fear.  It started yesterday, with Preston's blog post (Thank you, Preston!); it was this line that did it: "but King Jesus has a sword coming out of his mouth".  This Journey had me read that passage in Revelation back in November. I called it the "freaky Jesus"--the picture that came to mind then--not the soft gentle appealing and kind Jesus that I often think of, but this Jesus too, is true.

I've struggled with distraction. About the Sabbath, Isaiah 58:13 says to honour it, "by not going your own way and not doing as you please..."  Yesterday was my "Sabbath", but I did a lot of "what I please".  Today, before the time of prayer, I suddenly thought: What would Jesus say to all my excuses?  What would happen if He showed up before me here and now? Would the excuses fly, convince Him, impress Him? I doubt it.

Today's prep for the next section had me read Mark 1-10 in one sitting. Later I wrote:

You are completely "other"
    Teaching, healing
    No one could predict You
        or demand You do it their way
    But You are full of compassion and patience

I find myself among the disciples
    Like them I am eager to follow
    Like them I also get off track
    Find other priorities compete, or
        do not fully understand Yours
    Like them, I need You to teach me
    Teach me, Lord,
        as I come to the next phase of the journey

And at the end
    May I not be like those
    Who found the cost too great
        and turned away
    May I be counted among those
        still following
    You ahead
        Me behind
    Amazed and maybe afraid
    But following.

And then, this afternoon I discovered this song. (Thanks Wendy--for having it on your player)

I listen...and something like a holy fear descends...if I can even pretend to know what that means. (listen...lyrics below)

What do I Know of Holy

          I made You promises a thousand times
          I tried to hear from Heaven
          But I talked the whole time
          I think I made You too small
          I never feared You at all No
          If You touched my face would I know You?
          Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

          (CHORUS)
          What do I know of You
          Who spoke me into motion?
          Where have I even stood
          But the shore along Your ocean?
          Are You fire? Are You fury?
          Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
          What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

          I guess I thought that I had figured You out
          I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
          How You were mighty to save
          Those were only empty words on a page
          Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
          The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

          (CHORUS)
          What do I know of You
          Who spoke me into motion?
          Where have I even stood
          But the shore along Your ocean?
          Are You fire? Are You fury?
          Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
          What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

          (CHORUS 2)
          What do I know of Holy?
          What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
          And a God who gave life "its" name?
          What do I know of Holy?
          Of the One who the angels praise?
          All creation knows Your name
          On earth and heaven above
          What do I know of this love?

          (CHORUS)
          What do I know of You
          Who spoke me into motion?
          Where have I even stood
          But the shore along Your ocean?
          Are You fire? Are You fury?
          Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
          What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

          What do I know of Holy?
          What do I know of Holy?


Thank You Jesus, for calling me to this journey. I do not know where I will be or what I will be like at the end of it, but I want nothing else.

Thank you M.A., J.&A.W., for journeying together. I knew I would need others to make it, I'm so glad He called you along too. I love hearing your experiences--the same journey, but so different for each of us. Don't stop. Press on. Remember, all we need to do is present ourselves, and let Him lead and teach.

And thank you S.A.M., my new friend, sister, spiritual director--you've given a gentle and firm vision of what His "no excuses" looks like, affirmed the journey, and helped strengthen the hope that I'll make it through.

Sabbath

I said I was going to spend time organizing today--all the piles of papers. It's become desperate actually--I MUST FIND my materials for prep this week.

But today was also "rest" day, and today's Bible reading was Exodus 33-36. I listened to the passage, and heard, among other things,  
    You must do no work on the Sabbath. 
    You must not kindle a fire.
 
I didn't really want to work anyway.
Cooking--I did some of that--baking actually. It is NOT my regular work, nor much a part of my regular life--rather relaxing. I did none of my regular work today. The organizing--that would have been very much related to my regular work.

And, I read a novel. Not too deep, yet not too light. Inspiring. People who choose to do right in the face of suffering and trial.

But I didn't do the organizing.
And I did not yet plan the week.
Was it laziness?
Or Sabbath?

Will it be okay.
I'm going to bed now.
With the work week not yet organized.
Many decisions are yet to be made.
There is a lot on this week.
Am I giving in to my natural tendency to procrastinate by not planning right now? 
Or am I resting?

Father, help me to wake up tomorrow morning, and really dive in--to bring this all before You, gain Your wisdom and insight, and not shirk any of my responsibilities. I ask your blessing, as I learn to Sabbath, and learn to work.