Jesus, you ask me to die to self
To die daily
And I don't want to
So I don't
Actually, I forgot that you asked
I heard it, and did it...before
But...got out of the habit
And find
I don't want to...anymore
Actually
(another 'actually')
You didn't "ask"
You required
It's not optional
for God bought you with a high price.
So you must honor God with your body (I Cor. 6:20)
Forgive me Lord
Help me to turn
To live new
Create in me a new heart
One the values what You do
That lives for the eternal
That willing lays itself down
Showing posts with label Spiritual Transformation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual Transformation. Show all posts
This week's JOY
The last two posts were sad and painful...yes, one day, and especially for a few hours, this past week was quite hard.
But sad, has not been the overall theme. No, there has been much JOY this week!
The above picture was my "happy sighting" two days ago, on the walk on my way to work. The day before I had seen this woman washing the legs of these stools while a friend seemed to be pouring out her heart. I wondered why the friend didn't help. Looks like she's got help now.
Last Saturday at the centre was just hilarious! I was working with Hope, reviewing the specific content of the camp happening next week. Others were doing other things. At some point we noticed the fan, the one broken at the "neck," and there were comments about how it always hangs its head, "low self-worth," "Oh good thing it's here with us because this is an environment where it can receive comfort and learn to hold its head up again"...except "we treat it badly, keep putting in in the storage room." Yeah, sure, goofy "you had to be there" to find it funny stuff, but it was funny. At one point folks in the other room were laughing and I "yelled" at them, "Don't you know we're supposed to be serious here!" Later, when a burst of laughter came from our room, we were told to keep it down. We promptly went to the other room, apologizing profusely with heads bowed and bows. All this goofing off and interruptions when we were SO BEHIND in our planning, but it all flowed and was great fun. Now, pondering that day I realize--I am a different person. That sort of not prepared, and so many interruptions, in the past...I would have been so stressed, and stressing others out too!
And today--how great to walk into the centre for summer camp counsellor training and have folks that have come especially to help out. Someone came from another province. Even more exciting was seeing past sponsored students--our grads, former counselors some--back to learn and give and grow. And they remember stuff learned when they were students in the program. And former counsellors remember stuff taught before.Ah, some have far to go and much to learn, but they are willing.
Funniest thing--I was to demonstrate "good active listening." Hope chose the question she was going to talk about: "If I could be anyone else in the world instead of myself I would be..." and she said that was me. It was funny and strange, and I had a super hard time knowing what to think or ask or how to be a "good listener" in front of a bunch of other people. But some stuff she said blesses my heart and makes me wonder... Oh...is she seeing Him? Being drawn?
Yes, there has been joy, much joy! Thank you Lord!
Picture this
Isa. 63:7-9, NLT
7 I will tell of the Lord’s unfailing love.
I will praise the Lord for all he has done.
I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel,
which he has granted according to his mercy and love.
8 He said, “They are my very own people.
Surely they will not betray me again.”
And he became their Savior.
9 In all their suffering he also suffered,
and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them.
He lifted them up and carried them
through all the years.
I will praise the Lord for all he has done.
I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel,
which he has granted according to his mercy and love.
8 He said, “They are my very own people.
Surely they will not betray me again.”
And he became their Savior.
9 In all their suffering he also suffered,
and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them.
He lifted them up and carried them
through all the years.
"He lifted them up and carried them through all the years."
Three pictures come to mind... Oh wish I was an artist! I tried to sketch them, but didn't do too well. I do better with words...
Picture 1 is hands--His hands, cupped hands, me in the center. He is carrying me, He has carried me safely through the ages. I don't know my posture there in the cup of His hand, but I'm down in the lowest part, the safest part. Maybe I'm hiding (likely!). Maybe I'm sleeping. I might be quite oblivious to all that has gone on, especially the goodness and significance of it.
Picture 2--those same hands, me inside, but now the front of the hands--the tip, where the fingers come together--is shaped something like the front of a boat. And I...am getting a little curious. I am crawling up the fingers, peeking up over the top, still a little fearful, hiding, protected behind those strong fingers, but starting to anticipate.
Picture 3--All fear is gone. I'm still IN those hands, still carried, but now I'm standing up there at the front--looking forward, smiling, enjoying, riding the waves of it all. (Hey, maybe I'm actually surfing!) Maybe my hands are raised...
Picture 1 is what I know now. Picture 2 what I am starting to become. Picture 3 is what I will be.
(rough sketches)
Can't You pick someone else?
Why do You entrust so much to me?
Why do You keep giving me so much?
When I continue to waste so much?
Don't You have better stewards?
Don't You have wiser managers?
Don't You have more willing participants in the tasks You assign?
Oh I'm willing for some, for much
But some...I just keep
Showing up late
With my lame excuses
Head hanging
Not looking You in the eye
I don't want to do it
I don't know how to do it
I wish I didn't have to do it
Couldn't You pick someone else for some of these parts?
Why are You so determined that I learn this thing?
Why must You hold my nose to the grindstone?
What are You planning?
What are You looking for?
What is the lesson to be learned?
What is the glory You hope to gain?
...plan to gain?
I keep running
And balking
And falling flat
And You keep giving
Reminding
Blessing
I keep looking at the road
Running around the starting point
Wandering off the side paths
Hanging out on those benches
You keep pointing to the road
Urging action
"Just walk"
Why do You keep giving me so much?
When I continue to waste so much?
Don't You have better stewards?
Don't You have wiser managers?
Don't You have more willing participants in the tasks You assign?
Oh I'm willing for some, for much
But some...I just keep
Showing up late
With my lame excuses
Head hanging
Not looking You in the eye
I don't want to do it
I don't know how to do it
I wish I didn't have to do it
Couldn't You pick someone else for some of these parts?
Why are You so determined that I learn this thing?
Why must You hold my nose to the grindstone?
What are You planning?
What are You looking for?
What is the lesson to be learned?
What is the glory You hope to gain?
...plan to gain?
I keep running
And balking
And falling flat
And You keep giving
Reminding
Blessing
I keep looking at the road
Running around the starting point
Wandering off the side paths
Hanging out on those benches
You keep pointing to the road
Urging action
"Just walk"
Take my life
God, take my life
Let it be broken before You
Broken, Renewed, Energized
I have not yet lived a life
that shows Your glory
Make something of it that is big and powerful
Beyond normal
Make it spectacular
So that the only explanation...is You
So that they really do see You
How great You are
How powerful
No! More!
How incredibly loving You are
Show Your beauty
Show Your grace
Show Your mercy
Always loving
Always reaching
You...coming into our brokennes
and when You come
we feel no shame
Just Your love
Your acceptance
Your way through
Take me Lord and use me
May my life show Your Glory
My life has not yet shown Your glory
To this broken dying world
Take my life
and may this prayer be more than
passion and tears today
as I'm feeling it
but work out into every day action...
Dec. 17, 2013
Let it be broken before You
Broken, Renewed, Energized
I have not yet lived a life
that shows Your glory
Make something of it that is big and powerful
Beyond normal
Make it spectacular
So that the only explanation...is You
So that they really do see You
How great You are
How powerful
No! More!
How incredibly loving You are
Show Your beauty
Show Your grace
Show Your mercy
Always loving
Always reaching
You...coming into our brokennes
and when You come
we feel no shame
Just Your love
Your acceptance
Your way through
Take me Lord and use me
May my life show Your Glory
My life has not yet shown Your glory
To this broken dying world
Take my life
and may this prayer be more than
passion and tears today
as I'm feeling it
but work out into every day action...
Dec. 17, 2013
Wrecked
How can I let my heart be "wrecked"--again and again, and moved to action that makes a difference? Somehow I need to learn to remove the clutter of my life, that gets in the way, that bogs down and takes away from most important things.
Do you know--I still haven't followed up on the family of the girl that killed herself in September (mom was dying, a younger brother in Jr high school that probably does not have much emotional support at all)...I looked up some numbers in my phone...I should be able to find them.
Do you know--I have heard rumours of abuse at a junior high school, and in another location (or two) rumours of jr high girls lured into prostitution. I wonder if girls get tricked to come and 'work' at a place right here in town. About these things, as yet, I have done nothing.
Oh sure...I've found some meaningful things to do with my days--help youth walk through their grief, helping a high school girl now figure out how to avoid and what to do about the uncle that wants her to do things he should never ask of her... Guys are hurting, afraid, due to their absent and abusive fathers. A girl wants to hate her mom due to her affair. Yes, for these things, and many more, we are trying to help them find away.
But...there is so much more.
Christ has
No body now on earth but yours;
No hands but yours;
No feet but yours;
Yours are the eyes
Through which is to look out
Christ's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet
With which he is to go about
Doing good;
Yours are the hands
With which he is to bless now.
--Saint Teresa of Avila
Jesus, I repent, again, still
I suppose there will be many more times of repentance
For the foolish ways in which I spend my days
The gifts I throw away
The pain from which I turn away
Lest it too inconvenience my life
Make me Yours
Fully Yours
You, are not okay with these things still happening in our world
I should not be okay with it either
Change me
Open my eyes
Show me the way through
Strengthen me
May my life somehow be spent
That more good
And less of this evil and pain
Exists in my little corner of the planet
The corner You've entrusted me to walk
Oh you who read this...don't applaud me. Don't say this is fine and grand. Words and passion are nothing without action. God alone knows how much I have really done in comparison to how much I have been given. And don't either tell me that I'm being too hard on myself. This is not condemnation, I am free of that in Jesus Christ (Thank you, Lord!), but rather a calling, an invitation, that connects with what, in the end, I really most want out of life.
(Bill Hybel's message Holy Discontent has many times been an encouragement to "let it wreck" me. Jeff Goins' book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life, looks like a good one to gently invite a life of more self-sacrifice.)
Do you know--I still haven't followed up on the family of the girl that killed herself in September (mom was dying, a younger brother in Jr high school that probably does not have much emotional support at all)...I looked up some numbers in my phone...I should be able to find them.
Do you know--I have heard rumours of abuse at a junior high school, and in another location (or two) rumours of jr high girls lured into prostitution. I wonder if girls get tricked to come and 'work' at a place right here in town. About these things, as yet, I have done nothing.
Oh sure...I've found some meaningful things to do with my days--help youth walk through their grief, helping a high school girl now figure out how to avoid and what to do about the uncle that wants her to do things he should never ask of her... Guys are hurting, afraid, due to their absent and abusive fathers. A girl wants to hate her mom due to her affair. Yes, for these things, and many more, we are trying to help them find away.
But...there is so much more.
Christ has
No body now on earth but yours;
No hands but yours;
No feet but yours;
Yours are the eyes
Through which is to look out
Christ's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet
With which he is to go about
Doing good;
Yours are the hands
With which he is to bless now.
--Saint Teresa of Avila
Jesus, I repent, again, still
I suppose there will be many more times of repentance
For the foolish ways in which I spend my days
The gifts I throw away
The pain from which I turn away
Lest it too inconvenience my life
Make me Yours
Fully Yours
You, are not okay with these things still happening in our world
I should not be okay with it either
Change me
Open my eyes
Show me the way through
Strengthen me
May my life somehow be spent
That more good
And less of this evil and pain
Exists in my little corner of the planet
The corner You've entrusted me to walk
Oh you who read this...don't applaud me. Don't say this is fine and grand. Words and passion are nothing without action. God alone knows how much I have really done in comparison to how much I have been given. And don't either tell me that I'm being too hard on myself. This is not condemnation, I am free of that in Jesus Christ (Thank you, Lord!), but rather a calling, an invitation, that connects with what, in the end, I really most want out of life.
(Bill Hybel's message Holy Discontent has many times been an encouragement to "let it wreck" me. Jeff Goins' book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life, looks like a good one to gently invite a life of more self-sacrifice.)
How did you...
Jesus, I've been watching you these last few weeks, as you journeyed to the cross. I have tried to walk close with you there, during that time, to be with you, to understand what you were thinking and feeling. Though I've known you all my life, though this part of your story is so familiar, I am freshly amazed.
I "knew," and yet I didn't know...that you loved those who accused you, those who beat you. Your heart never turned to hate and disgust at the injustice, arrogance, foolishness. I had never seen such love, surpassing all of your own pain and anxiety.
And the question that keeps coming to my mind is: How did you so love your Father's will, that you could continue on like that? You didn't panic. You didn't turn away. You didn't pity yourself. You were committed to finishing, to completing all, even the smallest details.
You knew all was complete, so close to death, but there was still one more thing to fulfill, so you said you were thirsty, and they gave you vinegar. No by-passing even the littlest thing for you.
How did you do it? How did that motivate you? How did what was good and right to do--the task for YOU to accomplish--get so into your heart and soul that you gladly did it, faithfully, fully, to the end?
You...for the joy set before you. Were you seeing me then? Were you seeing us? I think you were. I believe you were. You were looking forward to, and glad, that you could redeem and restore...people like me. You were pleased to buy my life, give new life. You were pleased to do it, counting it worth it, even though those you redeemed, even though I, would continually stumble and fall. Still, it was your pleasure to do so.
Still, I want to know, how could you see that when in so much pain? How did the greater truth, what was really important, get so rooted in your heart that you did not, that you could not, falter or fail?
I want to know, and I need to know because you ask me to live like you, to carry my cross, to complete what you have given me to do, and I have not yet figured out how to do it. I don't even know if "figuring out" has anything to do with it--I just don't do it.
Oh sometimes I'm on, sometimes I see with great clarity, and for a time it's good. But so quickly I get frustrated, tired of the length of the journey. Because I don't see the usefulness and result, because I'm not sure and don't see that what I'm doing now actually will contribute to some good end result, I falter, I question, I balk.
How did you do it?
How do I learn to live like that?
Jesus, once again, I so admire you. I look at you with wonder. I want the life you have. I still believe you can transform me to that life. I'm not sure how. Maybe this watching you, this realization, this wanting...is part of the process and means I am on the way.
Teach me to complete the work you have set before me.
I wonder, I ask you this, and yet suddenly I'm filled with gratitude. Because it is in your character to complete your tasks, I can know you will complete your work in me. I have hope.
I "knew," and yet I didn't know...that you loved those who accused you, those who beat you. Your heart never turned to hate and disgust at the injustice, arrogance, foolishness. I had never seen such love, surpassing all of your own pain and anxiety.
And the question that keeps coming to my mind is: How did you so love your Father's will, that you could continue on like that? You didn't panic. You didn't turn away. You didn't pity yourself. You were committed to finishing, to completing all, even the smallest details.
You knew all was complete, so close to death, but there was still one more thing to fulfill, so you said you were thirsty, and they gave you vinegar. No by-passing even the littlest thing for you.
How did you do it? How did that motivate you? How did what was good and right to do--the task for YOU to accomplish--get so into your heart and soul that you gladly did it, faithfully, fully, to the end?
You...for the joy set before you. Were you seeing me then? Were you seeing us? I think you were. I believe you were. You were looking forward to, and glad, that you could redeem and restore...people like me. You were pleased to buy my life, give new life. You were pleased to do it, counting it worth it, even though those you redeemed, even though I, would continually stumble and fall. Still, it was your pleasure to do so.
Still, I want to know, how could you see that when in so much pain? How did the greater truth, what was really important, get so rooted in your heart that you did not, that you could not, falter or fail?
I want to know, and I need to know because you ask me to live like you, to carry my cross, to complete what you have given me to do, and I have not yet figured out how to do it. I don't even know if "figuring out" has anything to do with it--I just don't do it.
Oh sometimes I'm on, sometimes I see with great clarity, and for a time it's good. But so quickly I get frustrated, tired of the length of the journey. Because I don't see the usefulness and result, because I'm not sure and don't see that what I'm doing now actually will contribute to some good end result, I falter, I question, I balk.
How did you do it?
How do I learn to live like that?
Jesus, once again, I so admire you. I look at you with wonder. I want the life you have. I still believe you can transform me to that life. I'm not sure how. Maybe this watching you, this realization, this wanting...is part of the process and means I am on the way.
Teach me to complete the work you have set before me.
I wonder, I ask you this, and yet suddenly I'm filled with gratitude. Because it is in your character to complete your tasks, I can know you will complete your work in me. I have hope.
A Prayer for breaking
For a few people, in recent times, I have prayed for breaking--that God would break away, chip off, get rid of those parts that need to go. Oh, each one is an amazing person, with an amazing heart for God, much good has come through each
of their lives and service, but this one thing...they do not see, and do not seem willing to listen.
I don't often pray this sort of thing for others. I usually pray for growth, learning, endurance through a struggle, etc. The breaking prayer is only needed for those things that they don't seem to see. If we can see it, we can pray, we can cooperate with God, and maybe He doesn't need to "break." But here, there is a pride, and unwillingness to listen, after trying to lovingly bring it up...nothing more can be done.
And then, today, I wondered...if I have prayed this for myself.
What am I blind to in my own life? Maybe not even completely blind, but I've been made somewhat aware, then ignored, or brushed it off as less significant. Are there things others, those close to me, see and wish I'd change, but I don't quite completely see it yet? Am I blinded by pride, unwilling to listen?
Pondering "brokenness," I stumbled upon an article by K.P. Yohannan, he tells of an early time when he was broken. On another page I saw this quote:
I'm reminded of the story of Helen Roseveare--years ago I read many of her books about things learned through her years serving as a doctor in Africa. And I remember the story of her "breaking," maybe only one of her breakings. It was after YEARS of ministry...finally God broke through and showed her herself, and things she needed to change. Later, when she shared with others, they were so happy, and so relieved too, for they had been praying about and for her for this problem for years.
I wonder what I may not be seeing.
God, please open my eyes.
May I live before you, broken and contrite
I'm scared to ask it, but I must
Please, break me
Of anything and everything
That gets in the way
And if I pray this for others
May it always be out of love for them
And not until I have prayed it
First
For myself
(pray, then brace self...for what may come, what may be revealed...gulp)
I don't often pray this sort of thing for others. I usually pray for growth, learning, endurance through a struggle, etc. The breaking prayer is only needed for those things that they don't seem to see. If we can see it, we can pray, we can cooperate with God, and maybe He doesn't need to "break." But here, there is a pride, and unwillingness to listen, after trying to lovingly bring it up...nothing more can be done.
And then, today, I wondered...if I have prayed this for myself.
What am I blind to in my own life? Maybe not even completely blind, but I've been made somewhat aware, then ignored, or brushed it off as less significant. Are there things others, those close to me, see and wish I'd change, but I don't quite completely see it yet? Am I blinded by pride, unwilling to listen?
Pondering "brokenness," I stumbled upon an article by K.P. Yohannan, he tells of an early time when he was broken. On another page I saw this quote:
"Unbrokenness is a fearful thing. It is the spirit of Satan, whose nature is incurable pride that can forever resist God. God’s greatest problem is not our sin (for He dealt with that on the cross), but the hardness and unbrokenness of our hearts. That is God’s greatest problem, the root of all our troubles. "
K.P. Yohannan, Why We Need to Be Broken
I'm reminded of the story of Helen Roseveare--years ago I read many of her books about things learned through her years serving as a doctor in Africa. And I remember the story of her "breaking," maybe only one of her breakings. It was after YEARS of ministry...finally God broke through and showed her herself, and things she needed to change. Later, when she shared with others, they were so happy, and so relieved too, for they had been praying about and for her for this problem for years.
I wonder what I may not be seeing.
God, please open my eyes.
May I live before you, broken and contrite
I'm scared to ask it, but I must
Please, break me
Of anything and everything
That gets in the way
And if I pray this for others
May it always be out of love for them
And not until I have prayed it
First
For myself
...a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Ps. 51:17
(pray, then brace self...for what may come, what may be revealed...gulp)
Should I quit
Should I quit
Walk away
Leave
May it be
Because it is
Your best plan
Your good time
Your faithful hand guiding
May it not be
My weariness
Frustration
Life exploding
Or imploding
Because I did not learn
To follow You
And lead self
May it be in peace
With love
Joy
And blessing
Mutually shared
Not anger
Hurt
Frustration
Resentment
Relief to be done
And then
May it be
Not a "quit"
But a healthy
And exciting "transition"
Timely
All things left
In the most capable hands
And until then
If there ever is a "then"
May thoughts
And words
Like "quit"
Be banished
May there be resilience
And perseverance
And hope
That there will still be
Strength enough
Provision in time
And may there be
The knowledge
That these trials
Are producing
Something more precious
Than gold
Written August 17, 2013
(There is more coming on this theme...)
Walk away
Leave
May it be
Because it is
Your best plan
Your good time
Your faithful hand guiding
May it not be
My weariness
Frustration
Life exploding
Or imploding
Because I did not learn
To follow You
And lead self
May it be in peace
With love
Joy
And blessing
Mutually shared
Not anger
Hurt
Frustration
Resentment
Relief to be done
And then
May it be
Not a "quit"
But a healthy
And exciting "transition"
Timely
All things left
In the most capable hands
And until then
If there ever is a "then"
May thoughts
And words
Like "quit"
Be banished
May there be resilience
And perseverance
And hope
That there will still be
Strength enough
Provision in time
And may there be
The knowledge
That these trials
Are producing
Something more precious
Than gold
Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.
Gal. 6:9 NIV
Written August 17, 2013
(There is more coming on this theme...)
A Reminder I need...
The article talks about "leadership," but in this part anyways, I think the world "life" could be substituted. This can be true for any life, whether officially leading others or not.
Without the regular experience of being loved by God in solitude and experiencing the deep rest of God through silence and Sabbath-keeping, we are vulnerable to leadership that is driven by a profound emptiness we are seeking to fill through performance, achievement, and powering up on our world. This unconscious striving is very dangerous for us and for those around us. It will eventually burn us out since there is no amount of achievement that will ultimately satisfy the emptiness of the human soul...
In the solitary place we are stripped of external distractions and inevitably we become aware of false patterns of thinking and being and doing that have lurked unnoticed under the surface busyness of our lives. We may even begin to see how these patterns have mis-shaped our leadership. Perhaps we glimpse an ego-driven self that is bent on control and image management. Or an empty self that is hungry to fill itself with the approval of others. We might become aware of a broken self, desperately seeking to preserve the illusion that we have it all together. Or maybe a wounded self that has spent untold energy seeking healing where healing cannot be found.
Ah, good stuff, Ruth Haley Barton and the the importance of self-examination. I am needing some of that silence and solitude--I think it is going to need to come by the discipline of "unplugging" for a day or two while on vacation.
Without the regular experience of being loved by God in solitude and experiencing the deep rest of God through silence and Sabbath-keeping, we are vulnerable to leadership that is driven by a profound emptiness we are seeking to fill through performance, achievement, and powering up on our world. This unconscious striving is very dangerous for us and for those around us. It will eventually burn us out since there is no amount of achievement that will ultimately satisfy the emptiness of the human soul...
In the solitary place we are stripped of external distractions and inevitably we become aware of false patterns of thinking and being and doing that have lurked unnoticed under the surface busyness of our lives. We may even begin to see how these patterns have mis-shaped our leadership. Perhaps we glimpse an ego-driven self that is bent on control and image management. Or an empty self that is hungry to fill itself with the approval of others. We might become aware of a broken self, desperately seeking to preserve the illusion that we have it all together. Or maybe a wounded self that has spent untold energy seeking healing where healing cannot be found.
Ah, good stuff, Ruth Haley Barton and the the importance of self-examination. I am needing some of that silence and solitude--I think it is going to need to come by the discipline of "unplugging" for a day or two while on vacation.
 |
| Feb. 2012--Remembering a beautiful place and time of solitude--I figure God sent the rain and cleared the beach just for me! |
You Count Fish
“You pull in your life and you see that though you felt ripped open —- the net actually didn’t tear."
What this is about...Counting Fish.
Pilgrimage...the long hard work of The Way
"This is, of course, the imperative and the appeal of pilgrimage: to change over the course of a journey. As the landscape approaches and then disappears, the traveller confronts his hopes and fears, his questions and doubts . . . and then leaves them behind as he walks, it is hoped, into a place of enlightenment and welcome.
Walking on the Camino de Santiago in Spain...I saw and experienced firsthand the power of the pilgrim path. At the beginning of the journey, many of my fellow pilgrims carried huge rucksacks stacked high and bulging with the necessities of travel, with foam cushions and sleeping bags, teddy bears, tin cups, and extra clothing, flags, and all sorts of bric-a-brac dangling from their massive backpacks.
As the trail wound through mountains and hills, across arid plains and stretches of wilderness ...and as the days bled into weeks, those same overstuffed packs tended to lose their bulk. Near the top of one particularly challenging mountain a day or two from journey's end, I came upon a veritable cairn of T-shirts and waterproofs, paperback books, socks, trousers, bedrolls, and--yes--those teddy bears and tin cups. Labouring up the mountain with my fellow pilgrims, one weary foot in front of another, it was clear that the sense of adventure with which we had all started out had now turned into something else altogether. We were all on the, el camino--but some of us were also, clearly, on The Way.
And the road was growing difficult. Everything unnecessary had to be jettisoned. Everything that hindered, that held back, that weighed down and encumbered--it all had to go.
Entering Santiago, I observed triumphant pilgrims walking or dragging themselves into the city with flaccid packs, a few carrying only what they had stood up in that morning: a hat, a stick, a bottle of water stuck in a pocket. Everything else had been cast aside in order to complete the journey.
The destination was important, to be sure; the path was not an aimless wandering...But it was the journey itself, the physical act of going, that transformed the pilgrims. For if there was to be any transformation in the spiritual orientation of the pilgrim's soul, that change would take place not on arrival as if by magic, but in the long, hard work of The Way."
--from "On the Road Again", an essay by Stephen Lawhead (appears at the end of The Spirit Well)
What needs to go?
What is holding me back, encumbering me?
What must be cast aside in order to complete the journey?
A related, sermon by Gordon T. Smith: Are you a tourist or pilgrim?
Walking on the Camino de Santiago in Spain...I saw and experienced firsthand the power of the pilgrim path. At the beginning of the journey, many of my fellow pilgrims carried huge rucksacks stacked high and bulging with the necessities of travel, with foam cushions and sleeping bags, teddy bears, tin cups, and extra clothing, flags, and all sorts of bric-a-brac dangling from their massive backpacks.
As the trail wound through mountains and hills, across arid plains and stretches of wilderness ...and as the days bled into weeks, those same overstuffed packs tended to lose their bulk. Near the top of one particularly challenging mountain a day or two from journey's end, I came upon a veritable cairn of T-shirts and waterproofs, paperback books, socks, trousers, bedrolls, and--yes--those teddy bears and tin cups. Labouring up the mountain with my fellow pilgrims, one weary foot in front of another, it was clear that the sense of adventure with which we had all started out had now turned into something else altogether. We were all on the, el camino--but some of us were also, clearly, on The Way.
And the road was growing difficult. Everything unnecessary had to be jettisoned. Everything that hindered, that held back, that weighed down and encumbered--it all had to go.
Entering Santiago, I observed triumphant pilgrims walking or dragging themselves into the city with flaccid packs, a few carrying only what they had stood up in that morning: a hat, a stick, a bottle of water stuck in a pocket. Everything else had been cast aside in order to complete the journey.
The destination was important, to be sure; the path was not an aimless wandering...But it was the journey itself, the physical act of going, that transformed the pilgrims. For if there was to be any transformation in the spiritual orientation of the pilgrim's soul, that change would take place not on arrival as if by magic, but in the long, hard work of The Way."
--from "On the Road Again", an essay by Stephen Lawhead (appears at the end of The Spirit Well)
What needs to go?
What is holding me back, encumbering me?
What must be cast aside in order to complete the journey?
A related, sermon by Gordon T. Smith: Are you a tourist or pilgrim?
I want
Jesus
I want to have the heart that You have
Even if it gets broken a thousand times
I want Your eyes to see the world
Give all its proper value and place
Even if it hurts to see
At least, perhaps, I will
Waste less on foolishness endeavours
Let fewer important opportunities slip away
Jesus
I want Your wisdom, Your insight
Into people
Into life choices
Ah Jesus
Please
Make me like You
I want to have the heart that You have
Even if it gets broken a thousand times
I want Your eyes to see the world
Give all its proper value and place
Even if it hurts to see
At least, perhaps, I will
Waste less on foolishness endeavours
Let fewer important opportunities slip away
Jesus
I want Your wisdom, Your insight
Into people
Into life choices
Ah Jesus
Please
Make me like You
Binding me
You are
Slowly
Binding my heart
to You
It's what I want
I'm tired
of the wandering
of this bent to wander
You are
Revealing
the ways
the reasons
I leave
I bend away
and the foolishness
of it all
"Binding"
And yet it is free
I am free
free to choose
You are
changing the bent
of my choosing
the lean
is more toward You
Thank You
I'm no longer running
Slowly
Binding my heart
to You
It's what I want
I'm tired
of the wandering
of this bent to wander
You are
Revealing
the ways
the reasons
I leave
I bend away
and the foolishness
of it all
"Binding"
And yet it is free
I am free
free to choose
You are
changing the bent
of my choosing
the lean
is more toward You
Thank You
I'm no longer running
I, too, run...
They do it all the time
run from life
the hard choices
a painful past
regrets
apologizing
admitting
She
a few weeks ago
finally had the courage to admit
been sleeping with her boyfriend for a year and a half
and knows she shouldn't
and wants to stop
but doesn't want to stop
and now
is running
not showing up at things
He
in grade 10 didn't want to attend the grief group
could vaguely mention that not having a dad was hard
but couldn't really admit it
now, grade 12
he's finally stood in front of a group and admitted
it's hard
he's often lied when others ask
it's painful
and he doesn't know what to do
maybe soon he'll be ready to stop running
And I encourage them to
face it
admit it
recognize the pain
own your responsibility
make the right choices
don't run
and yet that they do
makes sense
we all do
and it especially makes sense
when you're a teenager
or you don't yet know a God
who will walk you through
be with you
as you turn and face reality
but
I, too, run...
Me
25 years their senior
knowing the You that will be with me through EVERYTHING
I run
it's pathetic
I run from the responsibilities
the never-ending unknowing
the waiting
the complexity
the intensity
the lack of intensity
the questions with no quick-coming answers
the fears
...that I'm wrong
...that I might push her away
...that I haven't done enough or prayed enough
...that You won't meet me when I come to talk about it
This life of faith is hard
and hard in ways I did not expect
I wanted hard
but I didn't think it would look like this
so I find my ways to run
instead of trust
and own
and ask
and wait for You
Let this be my stopping
my turning back
my wrestling to the ground
Teach me God
to fully embrace this life You give
every part
to own it
and know it as good
run from life
the hard choices
a painful past
regrets
apologizing
admitting
She
a few weeks ago
finally had the courage to admit
been sleeping with her boyfriend for a year and a half
and knows she shouldn't
and wants to stop
but doesn't want to stop
and now
is running
not showing up at things
He
in grade 10 didn't want to attend the grief group
could vaguely mention that not having a dad was hard
but couldn't really admit it
now, grade 12
he's finally stood in front of a group and admitted
it's hard
he's often lied when others ask
it's painful
and he doesn't know what to do
maybe soon he'll be ready to stop running
And I encourage them to
face it
admit it
recognize the pain
own your responsibility
make the right choices
don't run
and yet that they do
makes sense
we all do
and it especially makes sense
when you're a teenager
or you don't yet know a God
who will walk you through
be with you
as you turn and face reality
but
I, too, run...
Me
25 years their senior
knowing the You that will be with me through EVERYTHING
I run
it's pathetic
I run from the responsibilities
the never-ending unknowing
the waiting
the complexity
the intensity
the lack of intensity
the questions with no quick-coming answers
the fears
...that I'm wrong
...that I might push her away
...that I haven't done enough or prayed enough
...that You won't meet me when I come to talk about it
This life of faith is hard
and hard in ways I did not expect
I wanted hard
but I didn't think it would look like this
so I find my ways to run
instead of trust
and own
and ask
and wait for You
Let this be my stopping
my turning back
my wrestling to the ground
Teach me God
to fully embrace this life You give
every part
to own it
and know it as good
I'd rather wash feet...
I was eager to serve, I love to serve, I can easily serve too much and for wrong motives. I work in a serving profession. I generally joyfully serve. So what's there to learn, right?
No, I didn't go into it that glibly, or that naively this week. I knew there would be lots to learn...there always is...
Some of the tasks of this week are service that I gladly take on.
In fact, I can't think of any task that I don't want to take on.
But what I'm finding is a complete and utter inability to serve well.
It's not I don't like the task, I do.
It's not that I don't think the other needs serving, they do.
It's not that I don't want to, I do.
I just keep stumbling at it.
I guess I stumble over myself.
My selfishness and impatience gets in the way.
I start out wanting to serve and bless,
And end up irritated and frustrated.
It's not about the task.
It seems, there is something wrong with my heart
At a very core level
That I cannot seem to reach
I'd do better washing feet
(well, at least for a day or two...)
(*The painting--hangs on my living room wall--a gift from a dear friend, an original...and a great reminder. No faces in the picture. So...just who is washing feet? It is not limited.)
A Daily Prayer
God I arise today through a mighty strength, the blessing of the trinity,
God’s strength to pilot me,
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me.
Christ within me,
Christ before me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me.
God , I choose above all else to live this day with You.
I joyfully offer you my time, my attitudes, my energy, and
my words.
With your help I will fill this day with obedience,
gratitude, humility and a little pizzaz.
In Jesus’ Name
(adapted from St. Patrick’s Lorica prayer)
Priorities
Will you seek to make “life with God”
the most important
priority of your existence,
and will you die to any thing or sin
that would get
in its way?
Will you seize it like a drowning man
seizes a
life raft?
Will you make it a greater priority
than making money or being
healthy
or being beautiful or being liked?
or being beautiful or being liked?
John Ortberg, Sept. 10 sermon to introduce sermon series...entering into the "with God" life
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