Every day I must come again
Learn again
Start over again
Somehow
Every day
I must remember again
That You love me
That Your plans are good
Somehow
Every day
I must find myself
Once again
Rooted in You
Established in Your love
Trusting You
Why do I forget
How can I remember
What goes wrong
That I so quickly despair
That my heart is so quickly unsettled
Today again
I come
I choose
Once again
To put my hope in Your unfailing love
To look to You
To look for You
To rest in You
Thank You
Today
Again
You will be faithful to me
For You have never forsaken
Those who put their trust
In Your unfailing love
Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts
Earth Shakes
The earth is shaking
The ground is moving
Feels like things are about to happen
Are they?
After all this wrestling
Seeking and struggling
All this waiting
To find a way
To choose faith
And keep persisting in faith
What is it?
This strength that feels so weak
This finding that is still so seeking
This hope that still really sees no light
These tears of passion that feel like going crazy
These glimpses of dreams to come true
That are still not yet
Things are hard
But there are signs of hope
Dreams are coming true
Or might
I see the beginnings
Help is on the way, it seems
A friend‘s offering
God answering my cry with ideas
I bawled the other day, at one little email
One little line in a short email
I've been asking
Oh, I've been heard
Another offer of help yesterday
The strategic planning needed
Finally ideas starting to come
Next steps become more concrete
Maybe the 'old me' is finally coming back
When did it go, And how?
I know some of the answer, not all
I hope it stays
Strength renewed
Lessons learned
It's time to dig in
To prayer
Seeking
Listening
And doing this with others
Discerning together
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you!
As when fire sets twigs ablaze
and causes water to boil,
come down to make your name known to your enemies
and cause the nations to quake before you!
For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
you came down, and the mountains trembled before you.
Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
Isa. 64:1-4
The ground is moving
Feels like things are about to happen
Are they?
After all this wrestling
Seeking and struggling
All this waiting
To find a way
To choose faith
And keep persisting in faith
What is it?
This strength that feels so weak
This finding that is still so seeking
This hope that still really sees no light
These tears of passion that feel like going crazy
These glimpses of dreams to come true
That are still not yet
Things are hard
But there are signs of hope
Dreams are coming true
Or might
I see the beginnings
Help is on the way, it seems
A friend‘s offering
God answering my cry with ideas
I bawled the other day, at one little email
One little line in a short email
I've been asking
Oh, I've been heard
Another offer of help yesterday
The strategic planning needed
Finally ideas starting to come
Next steps become more concrete
Maybe the 'old me' is finally coming back
When did it go, And how?
I know some of the answer, not all
I hope it stays
Strength renewed
Lessons learned
It's time to dig in
To prayer
Seeking
Listening
And doing this with others
Discerning together
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you!
As when fire sets twigs ablaze
and causes water to boil,
come down to make your name known to your enemies
and cause the nations to quake before you!
For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
you came down, and the mountains trembled before you.
Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
Isa. 64:1-4
Assessing 2013, Turning to 2014
There are just over two months left in 2013, and what have I done with it? What have I really done with this year, in light of what is most important?
The year started with a theme, and a word, well, a couple of words. "Today," and the idea of "living sacrifice." The focus was to daily come and offer myself to God and to do what was before me each day.
The car accident in February took it deeper, shook me to a deeper realization of its importance, and the ways I had neglected; in so many little ways, how much I waste. February also called me toward a new vision, via Isaiah 58.
I've focused in, and yet I've floundered. I've offered myself, then backed away.
Now, the 'flavour' it is taking is in the word "complete."
"Complete"--something I heard years ago, now comes again. It's about doing what it takes to complete that long-term task, but it's also about learning to "complete" my work each day. Funny, no, sad really--I realize, there was a blog post I started writing at the beginning of 2013, outlining the "different me" I wanted to see and be at the end of the year, but that one, is still in "drafts," I didn't complete it. I looked at it again--yes, there has been significant improvement in most things listed...and maybe that it is enough. I somehow thought there were other things to also be part of the goal.
Complete. Today. Living Sacrifice.
I'm convicted when I look at the reality of my life. I have messes all around me--piles of clutter, some is just junk. There are notes from sessions, student materials...not put away properly. There are books. For some, there is place to put them, just haven't done it. For some, it's a matter of taking the time to make the proper place. So many times I do the things that are naturally exciting, that pull me in, yet neglect some of the basic faithfulness. These things I used to see as physical problems, but I'm starting to see them as affecting the spiritual as well, part of the "everything that hinders" (Heb. 12:1) that needs to be thrown off.
Oh, yes, I have improved in some areas--building better rhythms for getting the exercise, doing the cooking and getting the sleep for physical health, and that IS progress. But there are current responsibilities, overdue past ones, and ones looking to the future that must be addressed. And these piles of junk!
I've started. I've been working on it--my daily "completed" list--including both work and personal, things needed for physical, spiritual and emotional renewal. (Yes, that I've learned to measure all of these is also improvement--for a long time I only measured "work" as valuable.)
Overall, in 2013, I've not done as well as I could in following and being faithful to what I felt God was calling me to this year. Time and again I've come, but...can I dig in again now? There are still two months left in this year. Two months.
I'd like to focus in again, in these two months.
I'd like to work on habits of doing and completing the things that matter.
This includes:
I'm not going to be able to do this on my own, but I think I know who I can call on to help me flesh this out, not back away, complete.
By the end of 2013 may I be more free of entanglements, more ready, free and focused for making the decisions, and turning to the new tasks and the new direction in 2014 and beyond. And may I be more in swing with the rhythms (personally and with others), that support the completion of the bigger task.
Teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12, NIV
The car accident in February took it deeper, shook me to a deeper realization of its importance, and the ways I had neglected; in so many little ways, how much I waste. February also called me toward a new vision, via Isaiah 58.
I've focused in, and yet I've floundered. I've offered myself, then backed away.
Now, the 'flavour' it is taking is in the word "complete."
"Complete"--something I heard years ago, now comes again. It's about doing what it takes to complete that long-term task, but it's also about learning to "complete" my work each day. Funny, no, sad really--I realize, there was a blog post I started writing at the beginning of 2013, outlining the "different me" I wanted to see and be at the end of the year, but that one, is still in "drafts," I didn't complete it. I looked at it again--yes, there has been significant improvement in most things listed...and maybe that it is enough. I somehow thought there were other things to also be part of the goal.
Complete. Today. Living Sacrifice.
I'm convicted when I look at the reality of my life. I have messes all around me--piles of clutter, some is just junk. There are notes from sessions, student materials...not put away properly. There are books. For some, there is place to put them, just haven't done it. For some, it's a matter of taking the time to make the proper place. So many times I do the things that are naturally exciting, that pull me in, yet neglect some of the basic faithfulness. These things I used to see as physical problems, but I'm starting to see them as affecting the spiritual as well, part of the "everything that hinders" (Heb. 12:1) that needs to be thrown off.
Oh, yes, I have improved in some areas--building better rhythms for getting the exercise, doing the cooking and getting the sleep for physical health, and that IS progress. But there are current responsibilities, overdue past ones, and ones looking to the future that must be addressed. And these piles of junk!
I've started. I've been working on it--my daily "completed" list--including both work and personal, things needed for physical, spiritual and emotional renewal. (Yes, that I've learned to measure all of these is also improvement--for a long time I only measured "work" as valuable.)
Overall, in 2013, I've not done as well as I could in following and being faithful to what I felt God was calling me to this year. Time and again I've come, but...can I dig in again now? There are still two months left in this year. Two months.
I'd like to focus in again, in these two months.
I'd like to work on habits of doing and completing the things that matter.
This includes:
- Daily setting goals for the next day. Doing all I can to complete.
- To learn to love completing, not just starting new things.
- Continuing in areas where I have built better rhythm--exercise, cooking--eating more vegetables.
- Chipping away at the big tasks and the little tasks--at least "completing" a period of time on it, rather than putting it off indefinitely. This includes the personal, i.e. House stuff (de-junking, organization, repairs), and work i.e. filing, planning, web-update.
- Recover focussed morning worship and prayer--the road ahead will need way more diligence, deeper and more rigorous faith. I can bring to God all my emotions, by I cannot let them rule time and tasks. Other distractions, also put aside!
- Spend time working toward the next "big" complete--seeking, building the team of advisors, asking for wisdom, gaining the direction, to set a plan...and I sense that may be the focus in 2014 (but I'll wait until the end of December to finalize).
I'm not going to be able to do this on my own, but I think I know who I can call on to help me flesh this out, not back away, complete.
By the end of 2013 may I be more free of entanglements, more ready, free and focused for making the decisions, and turning to the new tasks and the new direction in 2014 and beyond. And may I be more in swing with the rhythms (personally and with others), that support the completion of the bigger task.
Soli Deo gloria
In the Tomb
Here I sit, in the tomb, before Your broken body. I'm so glad it's over--Your suffering, Your pain--finally, at an end. And I'm glad I don't have to watch You in it anymore either. Don't know how much more I could take, knowing it is good and right and necessary, and yet so horrible and evil all at the same time.
Thank You Jesus, for doing this for me. I'm sorry that You had to. Thank You, too, that in two days You WILL rise, You will come and show us all that death is a reality, but that You are stronger. Because of You, all other death, has lost its sting.
I've watched You these days, but earlier, not closely enough. I still didn't know, hadn't fully grasped, Who You are, what You had come to do, that all along You have been trying to show me how to live. In this last week especially, I've been amazed at You, in the face of incredible hardship and suffering. Oh how You love. Oh how You are so focussed on others. Even in pain, even while being whipped, even while struggling to breathe and the spasms wracking your body, You are caring for others, loving them. I...would be so self-absorbed at that time. I...often am so self-absorbed.
Where did You get Your strength? How did You know Your Father close, when You couldn't see Him? How did love those who used You, manipulated You? How did you bear up under the disappointment? How did You keep Your eyes fixed, Your heart set, Your will committed, to what was most important?
Please, teach me how to live--to live by Your strength, to live close to the Father I cannot see, to not waver in my determination to finish. Please, by Your Spirit, pour out Your love into my heart, that I might love those entrusted to me...as You do, to the end, regardless of what I am going through.
Jesus, teach me how to live, but teach me how to die. Teach me how to live this life a living-death, and be okay with it, not forever wrestling to be free, wishing for some other circumstances, trusting my Father's will, at peace...until this death, this dying, has done all it was meant to do.
Thank You Jesus, for doing this for me. I'm sorry that You had to. Thank You, too, that in two days You WILL rise, You will come and show us all that death is a reality, but that You are stronger. Because of You, all other death, has lost its sting.
I've watched You these days, but earlier, not closely enough. I still didn't know, hadn't fully grasped, Who You are, what You had come to do, that all along You have been trying to show me how to live. In this last week especially, I've been amazed at You, in the face of incredible hardship and suffering. Oh how You love. Oh how You are so focussed on others. Even in pain, even while being whipped, even while struggling to breathe and the spasms wracking your body, You are caring for others, loving them. I...would be so self-absorbed at that time. I...often am so self-absorbed.
Where did You get Your strength? How did You know Your Father close, when You couldn't see Him? How did love those who used You, manipulated You? How did you bear up under the disappointment? How did You keep Your eyes fixed, Your heart set, Your will committed, to what was most important?
Please, teach me how to live--to live by Your strength, to live close to the Father I cannot see, to not waver in my determination to finish. Please, by Your Spirit, pour out Your love into my heart, that I might love those entrusted to me...as You do, to the end, regardless of what I am going through.
Jesus, teach me how to live, but teach me how to die. Teach me how to live this life a living-death, and be okay with it, not forever wrestling to be free, wishing for some other circumstances, trusting my Father's will, at peace...until this death, this dying, has done all it was meant to do.
I want to know...
I want to know, Lord
Am I getting it right?
As I look back
My life
My service
So haphazard
It wasn't meant to be haphazard
And I'm all for taking
The random opportunities You present
Knowing You are orchestrating
Something bigger
Beyond what I can see
And yet when so much
Almost all
Of the meaningful stuff
The parts that really matter
Come off as "haphazard"
Disjointed
One moment there
One event here
One conversation
One meeting
They weren't intended to be so limited
They were intended to continue
To build
To have follow-up
But so many times
That didn't happen
Is this part of the plan
The picture You are weaving
My one stitch
This colour
Added only now and then
Only one little part
Of the big picture
You are weaving
I'm okay with that
If somehow I knew that is what You intended for me to do
I thought You intended more
I thought the "follow-up" part was part of the plan too
But, time and again
Frustrated
Should I stop planning
Should I stop hoping
Stop trying to build "ongoing"
In those parts so lacking
As I look back
That seems to be how it is
And maybe I should be content with that
Mostly I have been
Yet I wonder, if I've been too content
Too ready
To just "go with the flow"
And see so little
"progress"
Thirteen years ago, apparently--one conversation that I don't remember with man who died in the following year or two. His wife tells me now...I don't know the point of that. This year Easter, one gathering, then nothing more. This summer, one session, then it ended. Random one-off conversations is all... It's not that I haven't tried to do more, to faithfully follow through.
I must trust that You are doing something with this life, that You are working things out, that You have Your ways and plans. I'd like to know, like to believe, that the randomness is somehow intentional. Maybe someday...could You show me...the back of the picture, connected with the front, how those random stitches were made part of a glorious whole? I'd like to believe that is what is happening. It would be nice to know that this was intentional on Your part, not just my failure--to overcome distractedness, plan well, order this life You have given. Can I believe that You really are, still are, leading me along the best pathways for my life, even in the daily, the random, the haphazard?
Am I getting it right?
As I look back
My life
My service
So haphazard
It wasn't meant to be haphazard
And I'm all for taking
The random opportunities You present
Knowing You are orchestrating
Something bigger
Beyond what I can see
And yet when so much
Almost all
Of the meaningful stuff
The parts that really matter
Come off as "haphazard"
Disjointed
One moment there
One event here
One conversation
One meeting
They weren't intended to be so limited
They were intended to continue
To build
To have follow-up
But so many times
That didn't happen
Is this part of the plan
The picture You are weaving
My one stitch
This colour
Added only now and then
Only one little part
Of the big picture
You are weaving
I'm okay with that
If somehow I knew that is what You intended for me to do
I thought You intended more
I thought the "follow-up" part was part of the plan too
But, time and again
Frustrated
Should I stop planning
Should I stop hoping
Stop trying to build "ongoing"
In those parts so lacking
As I look back
That seems to be how it is
And maybe I should be content with that
Mostly I have been
Yet I wonder, if I've been too content
Too ready
To just "go with the flow"
And see so little
"progress"
Thirteen years ago, apparently--one conversation that I don't remember with man who died in the following year or two. His wife tells me now...I don't know the point of that. This year Easter, one gathering, then nothing more. This summer, one session, then it ended. Random one-off conversations is all... It's not that I haven't tried to do more, to faithfully follow through.
I must trust that You are doing something with this life, that You are working things out, that You have Your ways and plans. I'd like to know, like to believe, that the randomness is somehow intentional. Maybe someday...could You show me...the back of the picture, connected with the front, how those random stitches were made part of a glorious whole? I'd like to believe that is what is happening. It would be nice to know that this was intentional on Your part, not just my failure--to overcome distractedness, plan well, order this life You have given. Can I believe that You really are, still are, leading me along the best pathways for my life, even in the daily, the random, the haphazard?
A Prayer...
O God, help me to learn to be faithful. I can do well in the big things, the huge and clear challenges and demands, but in the monotony and drudgery and non-excitement of everyday boring tasks, I am so unfaithful, irresponsible, behaving in ways I would NOT put up with in others--i.e. staff. What a hypocrite.
Thank You. You have shown me my heart, shown me the things that entice and draw me away from You, from Your way, and the life You would have for me...the life I really do want. You have shown me the folly of my ways.
Thank You. You have shown me my heart, shown me the things that entice and draw me away from You, from Your way, and the life You would have for me...the life I really do want. You have shown me the folly of my ways.
This chair
today
once again
I'm asked to sit
this chair
this uncomfortable place
not knowing
uncertain
wondering
wishing I could know
how it will end
what will happen
I squirm
wiggle
jump off
lurch
left
right
stop!
grab on
both hands
rigid sit
deep breath
relax
Father
I'm still learning to trust
still learning to sit
calm
in this place
of unknowing
I choose
once again
to trust
Your promises
Your presence
Perhaps someday
this hard chair
this uncomfortable place
will be
the place of
peace
joy
freedom
like I've never known
Simple 'chair' picture, from December 2012, depicting...the place I need to stay--an end to the running, the place of trust, eventual peace.
once again
I'm asked to sit
this chair
this uncomfortable place
not knowing
uncertain
wondering
wishing I could know
how it will end
what will happen
I squirm
wiggle
jump off
lurch
left
right
stop!
grab on
both hands
rigid sit
deep breath
relax
Father
I'm still learning to trust
still learning to sit
calm
in this place
of unknowing
I choose
once again
to trust
Your promises
Your presence
Perhaps someday
this hard chair
this uncomfortable place
will be
the place of
peace
joy
freedom
like I've never known
The LORD says,
"I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you."
Ps. 32:8 NLT
Simple 'chair' picture, from December 2012, depicting...the place I need to stay--an end to the running, the place of trust, eventual peace.
Isaiah 58
Blessed with this chapter on Feb. 13, 2013, it came to life two days later, the 15 & 16, and has hitting me ever since. I think it is my new call, new vision, and perhaps it will be the guidance for the next season...I don't know how many years.
True and False Worship
58
1 “Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast.
Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
Tell my people Israel of their sins!
2 Yet they act so pious!
They come to the Temple every day
and seem delighted to learn all about me.
They act like a righteous nation
that would never abandon the laws of its God.
They ask me to take action on their behalf,
pretending they want to be near me.
3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’
Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
Tell my people Israel of their sins!
2 Yet they act so pious!
They come to the Temple every day
and seem delighted to learn all about me.
They act like a righteous nation
that would never abandon the laws of its God.
They ask me to take action on their behalf,
pretending they want to be near me.
3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’
“I will tell you why!” I respond.
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
4 What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
5 You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
4 What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
5 You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?
6 “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.
8 “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
9 Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
9 Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.
“Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
10 Feed the hungry,
and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
12 Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.
Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
10 Feed the hungry,
and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
12 Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.
13 “Keep the Sabbath day holy.
Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
but enjoy the Sabbath
and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
14 Then the Lord will be your delight.
I will give you great honor
and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”
Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
but enjoy the Sabbath
and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
14 Then the Lord will be your delight.
I will give you great honor
and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”
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