No "pretty" cross

I wanted something to help me focus, to remember. All of the crosses for sale...many were so beautiful. I'd seen a room done, the ironwork on the crosses--beautiful, and altogether it created a peaceful and meditative atmosphere. There is a time and a place for that.

But I decided, I didn't want to buy a pretty cross. I need, somehow, to have a cross that reminds me, that calls me, to suffer, to die.

Oh, the one I chose is still much prettier than the real thing. There are no nails. There is no blood... It is simple, small and black...it can sit in front of me.

Truth be told...I'd much prefer a pretty cross.

Even as I sit here, thinking of how I run from "my cross," I had the thought..."hmm...maybe I need to move that to front and center on my table." I was thinking that might help me meditate on it more.

NO, I don't need to meditate on it!  Even my not-so-pretty cross, is only meant to remind me to DO what He said to do. Jesus said to take up the cross and follow Him...I'd much rather look at it, analyze it, ponder it, think about how it's hard, write a blog post about it. I'd rather do all of these things than actually pick up mine and carry it.

But I need to pick it up.
The problem with me, is I want to choose my cross. I want to choose my death.
There are some that are much nicer than others.
But it is the one before me that is mine to carry.
Anyone who doesn't pick it up, is not worthy of Him.
I need no pretty cross.
I probably don't even need this one.
I DO need to learn to pick up my cross, to die daily.

How will I Repent?

In the article that showed up in my inbox yesterday, Ash Wednesday: Crossing the Threshold into Lent, Ruth Haley Barton says, "The real question of the Lenten season is, 'How will I repent and return to God with all my heart?'  This begs an even deeper question: 'Where in my life have I gotten away from God, and what are the disciplines that will enable me to find my way back?' "

Today I know where I have gotten away from God. It's in the invitation I heard, what I knew I would need to focus on as I was coming back. It's in the verse that has been "sent" to me several times this week--a thought I had, then a text message with the verse in it. The comments of a friend's email made me think it again. Then in Andy Stanley "Breathe" Series message I heard again yesterday.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12, NIV

And I ... have been frittering away my time.
I have not been spending time where I should.
I even had some clearly laid out priorities today.
I did not do them.

These thoughts
And another read through that article
And a read through the Scripture passages
    Joel 2:1-2, 12-17, 
    Isaiah 58:1-12;
    Psalm 51:1-17; 
    2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10; 
    Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21 
I'm convicted...
How will I repent?

Matt. 6 makes it clear--whatever I do--it needs to be "in my closet," not for others to see, not here in a blog post. Just before my Father in heaven, the compassionate One. 

How will I repent?