Waiting...

It hurts so much
I couldn't have imagined this pain
Do I regret having come here?
Almost

Do I want to stay open for more pain?
Like this?
Not really 

But...
I don't know the end of the story
And, are there are some endings for which I would say,
"Yes, the pain is worth it"?
Probably

In the end
Can it be not about "pain"
or "endings"
But about how You led?

If I could hear You
If I know You are in this
If I know that I'm responding to Your direction
Then I can (maybe, hopefully!) trust
That it is part of Your forming
Your shaping
Even...
Your blessing

I'm not hearing You much or very well these days
I'm not sensing, or feeling much Your presence
It's nicer
It's easier
When I do
But I've learned my feelings are not the truth
Whether or not I feel
I can choose to trust
I choose to remember Your promises

You are here
You are guiding
You've promised to not let my foot slip
Could it be You are guiding even now,
Even when it feels like I'm slipping all over the place?
It could be

And so I wait...