Starting to feel again...

Maybe I am
starting to feel again
I've been
I've felt
for so long

   from me
   from feeling much of anything
rather numb, I guess
and I've wondered why

I still don't know why
not completely
I suspect it's related to this rather long season
a big transition 
with many 
Perhaps in the process
living with a constant undercurrent
of tension
     so many decisions
     so many unknowns
I don't let myself feel
lest the feelings overwhelm
and drown me

maybe I'm moving again
into a place where I can breathe, again
I can figure out what it means to be me, again
get excited about going forward, again

But for now
I'm thankful
I can sense
I'm starting to feel again

    the pain of situations happening far away
    the loneliness of missing family
    some of that overwhelm again

No, the overwhelm, is not fun
there is so much ahead
    so much to face
    so much to learn how to do
    so many to whom I am responsible
    so many directions in which my head goes

But with the overwhelm
at least there is something to figure out
    and face
At least I'm not just in denial
    shut down

Perhaps, in the feeling again
I can even
once again 
start to feel 
connected to God, again
    and I think...that's what I've missed most

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