“Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm
to himself and to the community…But the reverse is also true: let him
who is not in community beware of being alone.”
–Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A good reminder today from Ruth Haley Barton and her summer series on Leading in Rhythm: Part 3 Leading in Rhythm: Solitude and Community. I've been getting out of whack in this--the extremes between solitude and "with people" can get a little too extreme in July, and I'm finding the way I do each needs work too. Solitude needs more intentional worship and life-giving, refreshing activity. Community--I need to more intentionally work out rhythms of how to be with the family of God in regular ways--challenging with different schedules and distance.
Thankful for the reminder, for the journey.
You Count Fish
“You pull in your life and you see that though you felt ripped open —- the net actually didn’t tear."
What this is about...Counting Fish.
Paradox, Mystery
You guide along the best paths for my life
and yet You are the path
I follow You
and You lead and direct
yet I don't know where I'm going
You speak to me
I know Your voice
and follow
but half the time I can't tell that I've really heard
know that I've really followed
but looking back
I see You have led on the best paths
it's foggy again
I remember a whole year of fog
so much doubting
if the voices I heard
if their voices were true
if their accusations were accurate
but yet...I just couldn't...turn
and finally the clarity came
and I realized those hesitations were from You
You had been leading
through the fog
can I trust now
that I know enough
that there is enough intuition
that is really Your voice
to go forward
even making choices that seem
stupid
reducing
in the end
will I look back
and see
Your leading
this is the journey
forever longing
for a city
we don't quite reach
for clarity on the journey
for Your guidance
to know You are guiding
it seems an impossible struggle at times
this yearning yet never reaching
walking, yet never seeing
yet You say
You will
walk close beside me
through the darkest valley
never leave me
an orphan
You say
You'll speak
and I will know Your voice
You care for me
will You
will You be present
will I know Your presence
will I hear Your voice
if You will
I could last through anything
for this is truly
my deepest longing
Your presence
and yet You are the path
I follow You
and You lead and direct
yet I don't know where I'm going
You speak to me
I know Your voice
and follow
but half the time I can't tell that I've really heard
know that I've really followed
but looking back
I see You have led on the best paths
it's foggy again
I remember a whole year of fog
so much doubting
if the voices I heard
if their voices were true
if their accusations were accurate
but yet...I just couldn't...turn
and finally the clarity came
and I realized those hesitations were from You
You had been leading
through the fog
can I trust now
that I know enough
that there is enough intuition
that is really Your voice
to go forward
even making choices that seem
stupid
reducing
in the end
will I look back
and see
Your leading
this is the journey
forever longing
for a city
we don't quite reach
for clarity on the journey
for Your guidance
to know You are guiding
it seems an impossible struggle at times
this yearning yet never reaching
walking, yet never seeing
yet You say
You will
walk close beside me
through the darkest valley
never leave me
an orphan
You say
You'll speak
and I will know Your voice
You care for me
will You
will You be present
will I know Your presence
will I hear Your voice
if You will
I could last through anything
for this is truly
my deepest longing
Your presence
Shepherd, pt 1
You
come openly
appropriately
know my name
lead me out
I
recognize You
know Your voice
come to You
hear Your call
and follow
because
I know Your voice
You
purpose to give
LIFE
a rich and satisfying life
(NOT steal, kill and destroy)
You
sacrifice Yourself
for me
You
will never abandon me
because You
really care
You
know me
and I
know You
together with the others
under Your watchful care
You know us
we know You
Jn. 10:1-16
come openly
appropriately
know my name
lead me out
I
recognize You
know Your voice
come to You
hear Your call
and follow
because
I know Your voice
You
purpose to give
LIFE
a rich and satisfying life
(NOT steal, kill and destroy)
You
sacrifice Yourself
for me
You
will never abandon me
because You
really care
You
know me
and I
know You
together with the others
under Your watchful care
You know us
we know You
Jn. 10:1-16
Grow Girls
Grow. Learn. Stand. Strong. Please.
The one found hiding under her bed in March, by working through a conflict with her team learned the value of communication. She learned to participate in the conversation, something she finds hard to do. And, "Thank you," she said, "for giving us this opportunity to learn. Outside of here there are no places to talk and learn about this stuff--sex, and guys, and how to build healthy relationships. Thank you."
The girl who introduce herself on Monday by saying she doesn't like to hang out with other people ended the week on Saturday saying, "Everyone needs friends."
The girl who had been in a not-so-good relationship--sleeping with her boyfriend since in junior high, lots of fights and jealousies--is asking lots of questions making new decisions trying to learn from mistakes. In the afternoon debate, she pointed to her wrist and said, "Would I have done this if it was good?" What was that about? How much more is there to her pain, her struggle?
One who wouldn't have attended unless being required to, found herself feeling positive and energetic. It started the day she shared her 'castle' drawing with her team. She was surprised at the way she felt. "I'm rarely optimistic and inspired about anything."
For many others it was learning about boundaries. I hope they really have learned, that they can, and need to say "no" at the right times, and "yes" at other times, and that they they do it--leading a healthy life.
Grow girls
in wisdom
in insight
in courage
grow strong
stand tall
show a different way to live
and share all you are
with others around you
LORD
please shine Your Light on these lives
break through the darkness
illuminate
birth life and hope
and all they really need.
The one found hiding under her bed in March, by working through a conflict with her team learned the value of communication. She learned to participate in the conversation, something she finds hard to do. And, "Thank you," she said, "for giving us this opportunity to learn. Outside of here there are no places to talk and learn about this stuff--sex, and guys, and how to build healthy relationships. Thank you."
The girl who introduce herself on Monday by saying she doesn't like to hang out with other people ended the week on Saturday saying, "Everyone needs friends."
The girl who had been in a not-so-good relationship--sleeping with her boyfriend since in junior high, lots of fights and jealousies--is asking lots of questions making new decisions trying to learn from mistakes. In the afternoon debate, she pointed to her wrist and said, "Would I have done this if it was good?" What was that about? How much more is there to her pain, her struggle?
One who wouldn't have attended unless being required to, found herself feeling positive and energetic. It started the day she shared her 'castle' drawing with her team. She was surprised at the way she felt. "I'm rarely optimistic and inspired about anything."
For many others it was learning about boundaries. I hope they really have learned, that they can, and need to say "no" at the right times, and "yes" at other times, and that they they do it--leading a healthy life.
Grow girls
in wisdom
in insight
in courage
grow strong
stand tall
show a different way to live
and share all you are
with others around you
LORD
please shine Your Light on these lives
break through the darkness
illuminate
birth life and hope
and all they really need.
Bread
Daily
Sustenance
Yesterday's
Not enough for today
Today's
Not enough for tomorrow
Jesus
Thank You
For freely offering
Freely giving
Daily
Your Presence
Your Life
To me
In me
I come
I receive
Bread of Life
Feed me
Daily
Nourish
In ways I cannot see
Strengthen
Sustain
May I never be hungry again
Jn. 6:35
Sustenance
Yesterday's
Not enough for today
Today's
Not enough for tomorrow
Jesus
Thank You
For freely offering
Freely giving
Daily
Your Presence
Your Life
To me
In me
I come
I receive
Bread of Life
Feed me
Daily
Nourish
In ways I cannot see
Strengthen
Sustain
May I never be hungry again
Jn. 6:35
Dreams...
So many dreams I've had through the years. Okay, maybe not all dreams, just ideas, and hopes, and ... well, dreams! By this point, I've let go of a lot of them, I know I can't do them all. I've had to narrow, to focus, to actually spend time and effort on what I can do, perhaps (hopefully) what I am most suited to do, and most able to do with the resources available.
Yet still, the dreams come, the ideas come. Maybe they aren't dreams of things I would carry out myself, but things I hope to see.
Recently the dreams are about the homeless, the wanderers, and the weak. There have been a bunch of 'new' homeless people in town. At least, then are new to me, the weren't there before. I wonder if folks have been kicked out of larger centers and are making their way to smaller places. One man hangs out by the closest garbage bins. He's often laughing, a strange crazy laugh.
I've had some fun times with that "crazy lady" lately--I don't want to call her that. I want to know her name, know her story. I've heard bits and pieces, and am not sure what is true. It seems...her husband was bitten by a snake and died. Her children (2 maybe) are not with her now. She says they've been taken away. I'm not sure what her problem is. She can be super annoying, talking non-stop nonsense and creating a disturbance--to what degree I don't know. I have seen her being pushed out of the police station by an angry and frustrated policeman, fighting with a shop keeper, and seen her swollen hand--a witness said another market vendor beat her. She's never been violent or dangerous with me. Once I was able to calm her down and remove her from the situation. Another time she was disturbing my plans. It just took about half an hour of listening, crazy chatting...patience. The other day she was downright funny--I laughed out loud several times as we walked to the clinic to ask the doctor to check her hand. I don't yet know her name, she doesn't clearly tell me what it is...I want to make up a good one for her...a nickname I guess.
The last two times I saw her she talked about selling land. That's another dream I've had... I've thought of buying our next centre, or buying land and building. Several times I've thought of some poor people living in shack houses on land, and wondered--is there a way to buy from them in a way that would preserve their portion, still give them a place to live? This lady--she also just needs someone with understanding to take care of her.
Today I thought of a city for the homeless, the weak. A city, or a community...where there are things to do, responsibilities and contribution according to ability, but people to help with the needs--the bathing, the feeding, and especially the protecting.
In the past, there were dreams of a home for the elderly, homes and ways for girls to leave prostitution. Orphanage dreams--oh that was one of the earliest dreams...long left behind.
I guess I dream of a new world, a new way. I dream of people with changed lives who are ALL somehow finding ways to do these things--as they go, with the people they see, the people they know. And I dream of seeing this here, and in this generation, not just in the happy every after.
And some of it is happening--people that take others in, reach out to their neighbour's brokenness, become a place of refuge, taking their friends to the Refuge they know.
These dreams, Lord--I know they are all Your will in heaven for how things should happen on earth. What am I to do with them as they come? Just live out parts of them in small simple ways, and encourage others to do the same? Are there some I should really pursue, instigate, or somehow otherwise support in the future? (yes, the future, not now...I know...)
Lead me Lord. May all Your dreams come true. Put in my heart the dreams You want me to live and follow, and spread.
Yet still, the dreams come, the ideas come. Maybe they aren't dreams of things I would carry out myself, but things I hope to see.
Recently the dreams are about the homeless, the wanderers, and the weak. There have been a bunch of 'new' homeless people in town. At least, then are new to me, the weren't there before. I wonder if folks have been kicked out of larger centers and are making their way to smaller places. One man hangs out by the closest garbage bins. He's often laughing, a strange crazy laugh.
I've had some fun times with that "crazy lady" lately--I don't want to call her that. I want to know her name, know her story. I've heard bits and pieces, and am not sure what is true. It seems...her husband was bitten by a snake and died. Her children (2 maybe) are not with her now. She says they've been taken away. I'm not sure what her problem is. She can be super annoying, talking non-stop nonsense and creating a disturbance--to what degree I don't know. I have seen her being pushed out of the police station by an angry and frustrated policeman, fighting with a shop keeper, and seen her swollen hand--a witness said another market vendor beat her. She's never been violent or dangerous with me. Once I was able to calm her down and remove her from the situation. Another time she was disturbing my plans. It just took about half an hour of listening, crazy chatting...patience. The other day she was downright funny--I laughed out loud several times as we walked to the clinic to ask the doctor to check her hand. I don't yet know her name, she doesn't clearly tell me what it is...I want to make up a good one for her...a nickname I guess.
The last two times I saw her she talked about selling land. That's another dream I've had... I've thought of buying our next centre, or buying land and building. Several times I've thought of some poor people living in shack houses on land, and wondered--is there a way to buy from them in a way that would preserve their portion, still give them a place to live? This lady--she also just needs someone with understanding to take care of her.
Today I thought of a city for the homeless, the weak. A city, or a community...where there are things to do, responsibilities and contribution according to ability, but people to help with the needs--the bathing, the feeding, and especially the protecting.
In the past, there were dreams of a home for the elderly, homes and ways for girls to leave prostitution. Orphanage dreams--oh that was one of the earliest dreams...long left behind.
I guess I dream of a new world, a new way. I dream of people with changed lives who are ALL somehow finding ways to do these things--as they go, with the people they see, the people they know. And I dream of seeing this here, and in this generation, not just in the happy every after.
And some of it is happening--people that take others in, reach out to their neighbour's brokenness, become a place of refuge, taking their friends to the Refuge they know.
These dreams, Lord--I know they are all Your will in heaven for how things should happen on earth. What am I to do with them as they come? Just live out parts of them in small simple ways, and encourage others to do the same? Are there some I should really pursue, instigate, or somehow otherwise support in the future? (yes, the future, not now...I know...)
Lead me Lord. May all Your dreams come true. Put in my heart the dreams You want me to live and follow, and spread.
How do I love You?
You say I must love You with all my heart and soul and mind and strength. This has been my meditation for the past two days, and numerous times in the past as well. But...how do I love You?
Last week, coming home on a bus, after a busy weekend, pondering the ways You had once again provided, once again shown me I did not need to fret... As I gazed on the beauty around me, from my heart welled an, "Ah, I love You God." It doesn't happen for me like that very often--that feeling welling up, that immediate awareness...but does that mean I don't love You those other times?
The second command, is like the first, I must love my neighbour as myself. I think, when I love my neighbour, I'm loving You, and sometimes maybe I can see how to do this one better than the first, yet I'm often horrible at this one too.
I loved her last night, but it was You in me loving her. That I noticed her, went over and put my arm around her, wanted to talk with her, even though it was late...I don't know why, I think it was You. The 'crazy lady' ...but she was "in her right mind" last night, easier than usual to talk to her and be with her. And then I noticed her hand, or maybe it was You that noticed--the infection in the wound, and though it was late, we did the hot salt-water compresses, then antibiotic ointment and bandage. It was You loving her and me loving You as I loved "the least of these". How is it me loving You when it is first You loving me and compelling love?
So...how do I love You?
Today I remembered a Misty Edwards song, and in looking for that one, found an even better one: "Simple Devotion". Ah, this I can do...maybe this is my love for You.
All I can do...is to keep coming, attempting to "stir up my soul to lay hold of You", and ...You receive it. This song--You looking "over the balcony of heaven," is that how excited You get, over my feeble attempts at loving You? But, from the beginning to the end, it is You that compels and completes it, so...how is it me loving You? How do I love You?
In this lifetime Lord, may I learn to love You.
Misty Edwards
Last week, coming home on a bus, after a busy weekend, pondering the ways You had once again provided, once again shown me I did not need to fret... As I gazed on the beauty around me, from my heart welled an, "Ah, I love You God." It doesn't happen for me like that very often--that feeling welling up, that immediate awareness...but does that mean I don't love You those other times?
The second command, is like the first, I must love my neighbour as myself. I think, when I love my neighbour, I'm loving You, and sometimes maybe I can see how to do this one better than the first, yet I'm often horrible at this one too.
I loved her last night, but it was You in me loving her. That I noticed her, went over and put my arm around her, wanted to talk with her, even though it was late...I don't know why, I think it was You. The 'crazy lady' ...but she was "in her right mind" last night, easier than usual to talk to her and be with her. And then I noticed her hand, or maybe it was You that noticed--the infection in the wound, and though it was late, we did the hot salt-water compresses, then antibiotic ointment and bandage. It was You loving her and me loving You as I loved "the least of these". How is it me loving You when it is first You loving me and compelling love?
So...how do I love You?
Today I remembered a Misty Edwards song, and in looking for that one, found an even better one: "Simple Devotion". Ah, this I can do...maybe this is my love for You.
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of that
which I cannot comprehend
...
this is my simple devotion
my walk of faith, day by day
All I can do...is to keep coming, attempting to "stir up my soul to lay hold of You", and ...You receive it. This song--You looking "over the balcony of heaven," is that how excited You get, over my feeble attempts at loving You? But, from the beginning to the end, it is You that compels and completes it, so...how is it me loving You? How do I love You?
In this lifetime Lord, may I learn to love You.
Misty Edwards
Simple Devotion (Listen and watch here)
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of
That which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again
And then I'll just lean into sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
And I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again
And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
"O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She's gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!"
Over and over and over and over again..."
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of
That which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again
And then I'll just lean into sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
And I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again
And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
"O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She's gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!"
Over and over and over and over again..."
Jesus Wept
You enter into our pain
our confusion
You feel our sorrow
and are not indifferent
I know You see from a bigger
and broader perspective
If I knew what You know
maybe I would not be weeping now
But You know I don't
and are willing to sit here
with me
weep with me
in the ache of the waiting...unknowing
Do You also weep at the things that hurt us
undone by our own undoing
Even then You are not unmoved
and come to our rescue
for we cannot rescue ourselves
Jn. 11:35 (1-44)
our confusion
You feel our sorrow
and are not indifferent
I know You see from a bigger
and broader perspective
If I knew what You know
maybe I would not be weeping now
But You know I don't
and are willing to sit here
with me
weep with me
in the ache of the waiting...unknowing
Do You also weep at the things that hurt us
undone by our own undoing
Even then You are not unmoved
and come to our rescue
for we cannot rescue ourselves
Jn. 11:35 (1-44)
Rejoice for God is with us!
Yes, today was the first day this year to deliberately play Christmas music, so I guess it's the start of the Christmas season! (It can be as early as May or June for me, or as late as October.) This song brings a smile to my face every time I hear it, and it did again today.
"Rejoice for God is with us!"
The greatest thing
is to Serve
sacrifice
give
patiently listen
patiently teach
pray
notice
offer a presence
that allows her to weep
then pray again
give again
listen again
"The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them...
It shall not be so among you.
But whoever would be great among you
must be your servant,
and whoever would be first among you
must be your slave,
even as the Son of Man
came not to be served
but to serve,
and to give His life
as a ransom for many."
Mt. 20:25-29
It shall not be so among you.
But whoever would be great among you
must be your servant,
and whoever would be first among you
must be your slave,
even as the Son of Man
came not to be served
but to serve,
and to give His life
as a ransom for many."
Mt. 20:25-29
Like a child
Like a child I come
Receiving the Kingdom of God
Like a child
Joyful
Expectant
Daily
Trusting
Your goodness
Your faithfulness
Looking to You
Eager to please
Thankful
Not needing
Long term plans
Full explanations
Like a child
I give my heart
Receive Your love
Live at peace
Lk. 18:15-17
Get over it!
I have discovered--I get discouraged when people back out of things they have committed to. But...when facilitating and coordinating many people, there are bound to be some that back out! So...get over it! Some have valid reasons--under those circumstances I would back out too. Some don't, in my mind, have a "valid" reason--they should have pushed through, worked to find a way. But they all need to receive grace. None should be permanently judged or feel they need to grovel because of it. I can get that part right...
Yet still, it is discouraging. I want to find a way to buffer my emotions, to not feel the blow. And, it is so unbalanced. Do I see, do I notice, all those who did not back out? What about those who not only didn't back out, but gave more than was asked, more than was expected, without complaining, still giving? Did that give an even bigger "lift" to counter the "low"?
What is going on inside of me that it hits so hard? What are my beliefs about life, about God, reflected in this? Maybe it's not about beliefs, but more about fears...fears confirmed. Which fears?
Still...
Until I figure it out
Get over it!
Look for the good
Be thankful for all that is
Learn to bounce back quickly, but not bitter
Don't spend so much time grieving the loss and disappointments
Cherish the team
Learn from mistakes
Just get over it
Move on
(Maybe if I say it enough times I'll learn to do it)
Yet still, it is discouraging. I want to find a way to buffer my emotions, to not feel the blow. And, it is so unbalanced. Do I see, do I notice, all those who did not back out? What about those who not only didn't back out, but gave more than was asked, more than was expected, without complaining, still giving? Did that give an even bigger "lift" to counter the "low"?
What is going on inside of me that it hits so hard? What are my beliefs about life, about God, reflected in this? Maybe it's not about beliefs, but more about fears...fears confirmed. Which fears?
Still...
Until I figure it out
Get over it!
Look for the good
Be thankful for all that is
Learn to bounce back quickly, but not bitter
Don't spend so much time grieving the loss and disappointments
Cherish the team
Learn from mistakes
Just get over it
Move on
(Maybe if I say it enough times I'll learn to do it)
Don't Follow Me (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written July, 2012)
I too have lost my way
I thought I knew where I was going
I thought this would be good
for you
for me
but now I am not so sure
so
don't follow me
I need to leave you
to go
find my way again
I'm not sure
I know how to navigate the trail
you should find
better guides
I must leave you now
at least for a time
if I find
my step does not so falter
perhaps I can come back
and once again
walk together
--this one--written for whom? Perhaps the sister I was mentoring, perhaps all those I was supposed to be leading, but realizing the need to first do a better job of leading myself before I had any right, any authority to speak to others. With all the tension that was there, and some differences of opinion...I was questioning my own judgement...needed to back away. The apprehensions regarding sister and situations she was in, proved to be more wise than not...
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
I too have lost my way
I thought I knew where I was going
I thought this would be good
for you
for me
but now I am not so sure
so
don't follow me
I need to leave you
to go
find my way again
I'm not sure
I know how to navigate the trail
you should find
better guides
I must leave you now
at least for a time
if I find
my step does not so falter
perhaps I can come back
and once again
walk together
--this one--written for whom? Perhaps the sister I was mentoring, perhaps all those I was supposed to be leading, but realizing the need to first do a better job of leading myself before I had any right, any authority to speak to others. With all the tension that was there, and some differences of opinion...I was questioning my own judgement...needed to back away. The apprehensions regarding sister and situations she was in, proved to be more wise than not...
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
Pilgrimage...the long hard work of The Way
"This is, of course, the imperative and the appeal of pilgrimage: to change over the course of a journey. As the landscape approaches and then disappears, the traveller confronts his hopes and fears, his questions and doubts . . . and then leaves them behind as he walks, it is hoped, into a place of enlightenment and welcome.
Walking on the Camino de Santiago in Spain...I saw and experienced firsthand the power of the pilgrim path. At the beginning of the journey, many of my fellow pilgrims carried huge rucksacks stacked high and bulging with the necessities of travel, with foam cushions and sleeping bags, teddy bears, tin cups, and extra clothing, flags, and all sorts of bric-a-brac dangling from their massive backpacks.
As the trail wound through mountains and hills, across arid plains and stretches of wilderness ...and as the days bled into weeks, those same overstuffed packs tended to lose their bulk. Near the top of one particularly challenging mountain a day or two from journey's end, I came upon a veritable cairn of T-shirts and waterproofs, paperback books, socks, trousers, bedrolls, and--yes--those teddy bears and tin cups. Labouring up the mountain with my fellow pilgrims, one weary foot in front of another, it was clear that the sense of adventure with which we had all started out had now turned into something else altogether. We were all on the, el camino--but some of us were also, clearly, on The Way.
And the road was growing difficult. Everything unnecessary had to be jettisoned. Everything that hindered, that held back, that weighed down and encumbered--it all had to go.
Entering Santiago, I observed triumphant pilgrims walking or dragging themselves into the city with flaccid packs, a few carrying only what they had stood up in that morning: a hat, a stick, a bottle of water stuck in a pocket. Everything else had been cast aside in order to complete the journey.
The destination was important, to be sure; the path was not an aimless wandering...But it was the journey itself, the physical act of going, that transformed the pilgrims. For if there was to be any transformation in the spiritual orientation of the pilgrim's soul, that change would take place not on arrival as if by magic, but in the long, hard work of The Way."
--from "On the Road Again", an essay by Stephen Lawhead (appears at the end of The Spirit Well)
What needs to go?
What is holding me back, encumbering me?
What must be cast aside in order to complete the journey?
A related, sermon by Gordon T. Smith: Are you a tourist or pilgrim?
Walking on the Camino de Santiago in Spain...I saw and experienced firsthand the power of the pilgrim path. At the beginning of the journey, many of my fellow pilgrims carried huge rucksacks stacked high and bulging with the necessities of travel, with foam cushions and sleeping bags, teddy bears, tin cups, and extra clothing, flags, and all sorts of bric-a-brac dangling from their massive backpacks.
As the trail wound through mountains and hills, across arid plains and stretches of wilderness ...and as the days bled into weeks, those same overstuffed packs tended to lose their bulk. Near the top of one particularly challenging mountain a day or two from journey's end, I came upon a veritable cairn of T-shirts and waterproofs, paperback books, socks, trousers, bedrolls, and--yes--those teddy bears and tin cups. Labouring up the mountain with my fellow pilgrims, one weary foot in front of another, it was clear that the sense of adventure with which we had all started out had now turned into something else altogether. We were all on the, el camino--but some of us were also, clearly, on The Way.
And the road was growing difficult. Everything unnecessary had to be jettisoned. Everything that hindered, that held back, that weighed down and encumbered--it all had to go.
Entering Santiago, I observed triumphant pilgrims walking or dragging themselves into the city with flaccid packs, a few carrying only what they had stood up in that morning: a hat, a stick, a bottle of water stuck in a pocket. Everything else had been cast aside in order to complete the journey.
The destination was important, to be sure; the path was not an aimless wandering...But it was the journey itself, the physical act of going, that transformed the pilgrims. For if there was to be any transformation in the spiritual orientation of the pilgrim's soul, that change would take place not on arrival as if by magic, but in the long, hard work of The Way."
--from "On the Road Again", an essay by Stephen Lawhead (appears at the end of The Spirit Well)
What needs to go?
What is holding me back, encumbering me?
What must be cast aside in order to complete the journey?
A related, sermon by Gordon T. Smith: Are you a tourist or pilgrim?
If I do nothing else... (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written September 2012)
I guess it has finally come, that point of desperation where one thing really does become priority over everything else. Other things can slide, actually making this one thing look like a joke too..
And not much else IS happening.
If I do nothing else, I must come into Your presence.
If I do nothing else, at least I must come to know You, to listen to You.
I may get burned up in the process
May get smacked good
May find myself so lost...not doing other things is so irresponsible
But yet maybe it has to go that way...let go of all, even to the point of being irresponsible
So that what gets picked up again later
Is in it's right place
Is there because it truly IS something I should do
Truly IS my responsibility
And not just one of a billion things
That become the busyness that drowns
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
I guess it has finally come, that point of desperation where one thing really does become priority over everything else. Other things can slide, actually making this one thing look like a joke too..
And not much else IS happening.
If I do nothing else, I must come into Your presence.
If I do nothing else, at least I must come to know You, to listen to You.
I may get burned up in the process
May get smacked good
May find myself so lost...not doing other things is so irresponsible
But yet maybe it has to go that way...let go of all, even to the point of being irresponsible
So that what gets picked up again later
Is in it's right place
Is there because it truly IS something I should do
Truly IS my responsibility
And not just one of a billion things
That become the busyness that drowns
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
Can I trust my life to God? (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written August 11, 2012)
God
Can I trust that You love me
Can I trust that You are on my side
that it is good
and for my good
even if You are disciplining me
Trying to show me better ways to live
I keep getting so mad
So frustrated
"but..." "but..."
What if they...
What about that...it was so wrong
It hurt so much
What if
What if it happens again
Can I really just lay it all down
Leave myself open and vulnerable
and love
If only I could lose sight of self
Of caring whether or not I
get it right
make a contribution
am useful
It means laying down
All hopes and dreams
All plans
All direction
All expectation of outcomes
All hopes for friendship
Allies for the journey
And it means
The risk of
being so lost
so unsure
even more than I already am
If somehow I could know You
If I could be really close to You
I think I could do it
I think it could happen
I think I could know that freedom
And maybe even learn to love
Despite pain
I really don't know how You did it Jesus
Please show me
"I don't even know how to be Christian." That's one thought that went through my head not long ago. The most basic and essential stuff, like LOVE--I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to love. Lots of times I don't even want to love, except at a cerebral level that still, somehow allows me to pray "God, help me to want to want to love" and the "Please, pour out Your love into my heart" (hey, there is hope there--He does say that He does this)--only God can enable me to love like He does.
And I think this is about trust too. Can I really trust my life to God? Oh I know I can and I will and I do, and I've been here many times before and made the decision to trust. But I'm here again, realizing ways I need to trust.
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
God
Can I trust that You love me
Can I trust that You are on my side
that it is good
and for my good
even if You are disciplining me
Trying to show me better ways to live
I keep getting so mad
So frustrated
"but..." "but..."
What if they...
What about that...it was so wrong
It hurt so much
What if
What if it happens again
Can I really just lay it all down
Leave myself open and vulnerable
and love
If only I could lose sight of self
Of caring whether or not I
get it right
make a contribution
am useful
It means laying down
All hopes and dreams
All plans
All direction
All expectation of outcomes
All hopes for friendship
Allies for the journey
And it means
The risk of
being so lost
so unsure
even more than I already am
If somehow I could know You
If I could be really close to You
I think I could do it
I think it could happen
I think I could know that freedom
And maybe even learn to love
Despite pain
I really don't know how You did it Jesus
Please show me
"I don't even know how to be Christian." That's one thought that went through my head not long ago. The most basic and essential stuff, like LOVE--I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to love. Lots of times I don't even want to love, except at a cerebral level that still, somehow allows me to pray "God, help me to want to want to love" and the "Please, pour out Your love into my heart" (hey, there is hope there--He does say that He does this)--only God can enable me to love like He does.
And I think this is about trust too. Can I really trust my life to God? Oh I know I can and I will and I do, and I've been here many times before and made the decision to trust. But I'm here again, realizing ways I need to trust.
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
How much will I lose? (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written July-August, 2012)
If I lose heart
How much will be lost?
How much will I lose?
And how shall I regain
That which is lost?
Would I be the only one to lose?
Would others?
And how much would that hurt?
What would be the cost?
If I crash
Where would I fall?
Would I survive?
How much pain?
Would there be anyone to pick up the pieces?
I don't think this is what You meant when You said,
"Anyone who loses his life will find it"
But just maybe it is part of the process
Maybe the better question is:
How can I not lose heart?
-----------------------
I drafted most of the above in the past week or two, wrestling with some realities and struggles. Today (Aug. 5, 2012) I listened again (perhaps my fourth time to listen to this message) to Bill Hybel's 2011 Global Leadership Summit "Holy Discontent" message. He tells us to find what "wrecks" us, and then do something about it, because it is probably "wrecking" God too. But there is the need to be careful, need to do self-leadership really carefully, because what "wrecks" us, can really wreck us, we can burn out, it can die, we could give up, and what a loss that would be.
What do I need to do, to keep myself from losing heart? This is the question I have been pondering much. I desperately need to learn to better lead myself.
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
If I lose heart
How much will be lost?
How much will I lose?
And how shall I regain
That which is lost?
Would I be the only one to lose?
Would others?
And how much would that hurt?
What would be the cost?
If I crash
Where would I fall?
Would I survive?
How much pain?
Would there be anyone to pick up the pieces?
I don't think this is what You meant when You said,
"Anyone who loses his life will find it"
But just maybe it is part of the process
Maybe the better question is:
How can I not lose heart?
-----------------------
I drafted most of the above in the past week or two, wrestling with some realities and struggles. Today (Aug. 5, 2012) I listened again (perhaps my fourth time to listen to this message) to Bill Hybel's 2011 Global Leadership Summit "Holy Discontent" message. He tells us to find what "wrecks" us, and then do something about it, because it is probably "wrecking" God too. But there is the need to be careful, need to do self-leadership really carefully, because what "wrecks" us, can really wreck us, we can burn out, it can die, we could give up, and what a loss that would be.
What do I need to do, to keep myself from losing heart? This is the question I have been pondering much. I desperately need to learn to better lead myself.
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
Those who know Your name (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written Aug. 9, 2012)
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
You will not forsake me now
You will not forsake me ever
I seek You
I try to learn to put my trust in You
I wish You seemed closer
I wish I could hear
I wish I had some glimpse of the purpose
I wish
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Ps. 9:10
You will not forsake me now
You will not forsake me ever
I seek You
I try to learn to put my trust in You
I wish You seemed closer
I wish I could hear
I wish I had some glimpse of the purpose
I wish
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
Maybe (Remembering the Journey)
(Remembering the Journey--written Aug. 5, 2012)
Maybe it's just the same thing again
Just me needing
Once again
to learn to regain joy
Not sure why this happens
Maybe I was just
Born on the ornery side
the pessimistic
the negative
and the 'oh how can this be?' side
Or maybe it is the opposite
I somehow thought it would all be easy
That relationships and life
Would all work out quite simply
But, like I said, "again"
I've been here before
2007, notably...then a line in a book rocked my world
Taught me to look for God's kingdom here and now
In the struggle
Not after getting through it
To ask to experience
The fullness of God
In my life now
Not just endurance to get through
But...I haven't been doing that lately
I had forgotten
That You are here
In the midst of the struggle
I've not trusted You
To show a way through
With joy and strength for each day
So I haven't fully turned to You
Throughout each day
I've run
To distractions
That fill time,
And fill my mind
And help me to not think
And yet do not satisfy
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
Maybe it's just the same thing again
Just me needing
Once again
to learn to regain joy
Not sure why this happens
Maybe I was just
Born on the ornery side
the pessimistic
the negative
and the 'oh how can this be?' side
Or maybe it is the opposite
I somehow thought it would all be easy
That relationships and life
Would all work out quite simply
But, like I said, "again"
I've been here before
2007, notably...then a line in a book rocked my world
Taught me to look for God's kingdom here and now
In the struggle
Not after getting through it
To ask to experience
The fullness of God
In my life now
Not just endurance to get through
But...I haven't been doing that lately
I had forgotten
That You are here
In the midst of the struggle
I've not trusted You
To show a way through
With joy and strength for each day
So I haven't fully turned to You
Throughout each day
I've run
To distractions
That fill time,
And fill my mind
And help me to not think
And yet do not satisfy
"Remembering the Journey"--posts discovered in 'drafts'. Posted now for me to remember...remember the journey...where we have been, where He has brought me...
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