No Fish

No, I haven't caught any fish.
Not quite sure what to do with myself these days
I went out looking
Wanted least do something
Something to pass the time
Something to fill the ache
Something productive
Something that might at least make me feel useful
And like there is purpose

I've lost purpose
Now that You've gone
Or show up so much less

Not sure of my direction
The way forward has no path
Unless I make one myself

And fishing ain't so bad
A good living
I am good at it
Or ... was

But I have caught nothing
Here in this boat 
I have not found anything to fill
The longings are still the same
The ache is still there
The missing You ... in community
Trying to figure it all out

What was this all supposed to be about anyway
I left
I followed
You spoke to me
And touched my heart in so many ways
I thought I would never be the same

But now I wonder
And I haven't caught any fish

(Jn 21 "Have you caught any fish?")


Anonymous said...

Too bad you aren't a singer/song-writer, too (or are you?!) as I'm guessing a good song could be made out of what you've written. The kind that one could blast in the car when things aren't going so well and feel like you're really putting your heart out there by singing along. You always impress me by what you write. Thanks for sharing . . . Ann :)

Traveller said...

Thanks Ann, for your encouragement--today, and in your FB message earlier this week!
Ha, No, no singer-stuff here--my siging hurts ears! Just processing life, learning to be aware of what's in my heart, and staying in conversation with God about it. Glad it resonates with you too! Thanks again.

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