I don't anymore.
Simple, one line--"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
And some people repeat it over and over? What's with that?
It seemed...too simple, and, more importantly, stuck at the beginning--that's what I thought. Isn't this too much focus on our sin, our sinfulness? Aren't we forgiven? and free? Don't we now stand righteous and clean before the throne of God because of what Jesus did for us?
Yes, we are. Yes, we do. Forgiven. Clean.
But now I understand.
This morning, this was my prayer.
I think this is the prayer that needs to remain on my lips, flow from my heart, until its truth echoes to the deepest regions of my heart, until the transformation comes.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God...
You are the One I turn to. You are the only one who can rescue. You are...
...have mercy on me...
God, I can do nothing on my own. I'm so lost without you. I cannot transform myself. You tell me to love, to not consider my own interests, to... but I can't make myself love like that, I cannot find a way to be like you.
Yes, I'm redeemed, but...oh God, I'm so far away. My heart is far uglier than I imagined. And in all this 'stuff' with other people that is going on...yeah, I am disappointed with what they have done, but I can totally see how they can feel exactly the same about me. I am ... a sinner.
Sometimes all I can pray, and all I can pray repeatedly, is:
Lord Jesus Christ,
Son of God,
Son of God,
have mercy on me,