I'm not sure what it was exactly (maybe a status update on Facebook) that made me realize: I will be so glad to put 2011 behind me. I will be happy to say "good-bye" to 2011.
And that got me thinking about why.
Is it just that I want to say "Good Riddance!!" to a lot of pain and frustration? There is some of that, but there is more...
In 2011 I have come to some hard realizations--some about self, some about relationships with others. I have become aware of certain coping strategies, that lead to other problems of their own. I have come to more clarity about what my 'shadow mission' (from J.Ortberg sermon) is, and realize how much it will cost in the end if I live for it. I have become aware of how easy it would for my heart to become hard and bitter. Events and things felt in 2011 have led to a lot of transitions in thinking and lots of choices I have needed to make. I guess what is really behind my "glad to say 'good-bye' to 2011" sentiments was first expressed in my "Moving On" post.
Things discovered in 2011 are not all over yet. I am still learning. There is still much to explore along certain threads and in particular areas of heart pain. And I find myself really wanting to just get at it! I am really eager to live new, live different.
No, I'm not just wanting to walk away and get past painful things.
No, I'm not just ignoring the past and walking on.
What I really want to do is bring to completion the lessons of this season.
I want to mark what has been learned.
I want to make some specific decisions about my life and ways of relating to others.
And then live better.