Why this pain?

Why this pain, Lord?
What is its source?
As I look back over my life
I see some patterns
That hint at a 'soul wound'

'Soul wound'...that's the name I gave it
a few years ago 
as I started to enter in
and wonder
but could not find the source

And I still don't know the source
Some people remember back
To a traumatic childhood event
Or a series of events
Or words that were spoken 
That never should have been
Or words that were simply misinterpreted
By a child heart too small to understand

But I cannot find the source
I wonder if it goes further back 
Than could possibly remember
If it is sourced before my time
But I don't yet know

I stay around the wound*
I keep coming back to it

I ask you, Jesus
To lead
Be my Healer
Be my Deliverer
Lead me to the freedom You have for me
So that I will be free
to truly love
to truly be You to others
Or simply be 
True and freely
Your child.

*stay around the wound idea from H. Nouwen

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