Here it is--the new year.
Tomorrow I start my year immersed in "learning from Jesus"...whatever that quite means...
I'll start my reading and meditating in Matt. 5-7--reading over and over. John 13-17 (or 14-16) will be big too I think, and then just lots of being in the gospels, learning to talk to and walk with Jesus. I have no idea how this is going to work. It's a little scary.
But...here's to 2012.
Lord, teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom.
One Word...
Not quite sure how I stumbled upon it, one blog click to the next I suppose, but it is an intriguing idea.
Choose one word for the year (See OneWord 2011, and here is someone reflecting on the past year and next), then focus in, think often on it, let it influence your decisions, shape the way you live.
I've wondered. I've prayed. Lord, is there one word for me for 2012. One came to mind. Not yet totally sure, but I think it might be:
Healing
...to pursue in the depths
...to pursue with other people
...to pursue for other people
...to pursue in relation to time and space
...to pray for it around me
...to pray for it in me
...to learn about how it happens
...to know the Healer
Updated: Click the One Word graphic to learn about others doing this
Choose one word for the year (See OneWord 2011, and here is someone reflecting on the past year and next), then focus in, think often on it, let it influence your decisions, shape the way you live.
I've wondered. I've prayed. Lord, is there one word for me for 2012. One came to mind. Not yet totally sure, but I think it might be:
Healing
...to pursue in the depths
...to pursue with other people
...to pursue for other people
...to pursue in relation to time and space
...to pray for it around me
...to pray for it in me
...to learn about how it happens
...to know the Healer
Updated: Click the One Word graphic to learn about others doing this
How Shall I Learn of You?
For a while now I've been anticipating the end of the year, finishing the reading plan I've gone through with friends for the past two years, and starting a new one. That said, I know I'll miss reading the whole thing--through the Bible in 52 weeks, 7 days of the week in 7 different places. I'll miss...Isaiah and Jeremiah, 1 & 2 Peter, John's letters...well, who's to say I can't read them too? But that just won't be my focus next year.
This next year is for learning of Jesus, focussing on the gospels, drawing near. I'm still not quite sure how I'll do it, what my system or 'requirements' will be, and I know I need some sort of accountability, walking with friends for the journey.
I just know the goal is not to get through passages, but to stay there in time--to stay, to sit, to be in His presence. The goal is to listen, to draw near, to be close. I want to know Him, be like Him, to more see the world the way He sees it. I'm tired of the ways I'm not like Him--the worries, the stresses, the taking on burdens not mine. And ... I hope I'll learn to be more willing and eager to die.
Jesus...I'm not quite clear how I should do this, but I ask You to draw me, to lead me...gently, beside those quiet streams. Take me to places so very safe so that I can finally find true rest. Oh, and Jesus, may I become like You...
"Come...learn of me...and you will find rest for your souls." Matt. 11:28, MRMT (my roughly memorized translation)
This next year is for learning of Jesus, focussing on the gospels, drawing near. I'm still not quite sure how I'll do it, what my system or 'requirements' will be, and I know I need some sort of accountability, walking with friends for the journey.
I just know the goal is not to get through passages, but to stay there in time--to stay, to sit, to be in His presence. The goal is to listen, to draw near, to be close. I want to know Him, be like Him, to more see the world the way He sees it. I'm tired of the ways I'm not like Him--the worries, the stresses, the taking on burdens not mine. And ... I hope I'll learn to be more willing and eager to die.
Jesus...I'm not quite clear how I should do this, but I ask You to draw me, to lead me...gently, beside those quiet streams. Take me to places so very safe so that I can finally find true rest. Oh, and Jesus, may I become like You...
"Come...learn of me...and you will find rest for your souls." Matt. 11:28, MRMT (my roughly memorized translation)
Why this pain?
Why this pain, Lord?
What is its source?
Why...
As I look back over my life
I see some patterns
That hint at a 'soul wound'
'Soul wound'...that's the name I gave it
a few years ago
as I started to enter in
and wonder
but could not find the source
And I still don't know the source
Some people remember back
To a traumatic childhood event
Or a series of events
Or words that were spoken
That never should have been
Or words that were simply misinterpreted
By a child heart too small to understand
But I cannot find the source
I wonder if it goes further back
Than could possibly remember
If it is sourced before my time
But I don't yet know
I stay around the wound*
I keep coming back to it
I ask you, Jesus
To lead
Be my Healer
Be my Deliverer
Lead me to the freedom You have for me
So that I will be free
to truly love
to truly be You to others
Or simply be
True and freely
Your child.
*stay around the wound idea from H. Nouwen
What is its source?
Why...
As I look back over my life
I see some patterns
That hint at a 'soul wound'
'Soul wound'...that's the name I gave it
a few years ago
as I started to enter in
and wonder
but could not find the source
And I still don't know the source
Some people remember back
To a traumatic childhood event
Or a series of events
Or words that were spoken
That never should have been
Or words that were simply misinterpreted
By a child heart too small to understand
But I cannot find the source
I wonder if it goes further back
Than could possibly remember
If it is sourced before my time
But I don't yet know
I stay around the wound*
I keep coming back to it
I ask you, Jesus
To lead
Be my Healer
Be my Deliverer
Lead me to the freedom You have for me
So that I will be free
to truly love
to truly be You to others
Or simply be
True and freely
Your child.
*stay around the wound idea from H. Nouwen
Glad to say "Good-bye"
I'm not sure what it was exactly (maybe a status update on Facebook) that made me realize: I will be so glad to put 2011 behind me. I will be happy to say "good-bye" to 2011.
And that got me thinking about why.
Is it just that I want to say "Good Riddance!!" to a lot of pain and frustration? There is some of that, but there is more...
In 2011 I have come to some hard realizations--some about self, some about relationships with others. I have become aware of certain coping strategies, that lead to other problems of their own. I have come to more clarity about what my 'shadow mission' (from J.Ortberg sermon) is, and realize how much it will cost in the end if I live for it. I have become aware of how easy it would for my heart to become hard and bitter. Events and things felt in 2011 have led to a lot of transitions in thinking and lots of choices I have needed to make. I guess what is really behind my "glad to say 'good-bye' to 2011" sentiments was first expressed in my "Moving On" post.
Things discovered in 2011 are not all over yet. I am still learning. There is still much to explore along certain threads and in particular areas of heart pain. And I find myself really wanting to just get at it! I am really eager to live new, live different.
No, I'm not just wanting to walk away and get past painful things.
No, I'm not just ignoring the past and walking on.
What I really want to do is bring to completion the lessons of this season.
I want to mark what has been learned.
I want to make some specific decisions about my life and ways of relating to others.
And then live better.
And that got me thinking about why.
Is it just that I want to say "Good Riddance!!" to a lot of pain and frustration? There is some of that, but there is more...
In 2011 I have come to some hard realizations--some about self, some about relationships with others. I have become aware of certain coping strategies, that lead to other problems of their own. I have come to more clarity about what my 'shadow mission' (from J.Ortberg sermon) is, and realize how much it will cost in the end if I live for it. I have become aware of how easy it would for my heart to become hard and bitter. Events and things felt in 2011 have led to a lot of transitions in thinking and lots of choices I have needed to make. I guess what is really behind my "glad to say 'good-bye' to 2011" sentiments was first expressed in my "Moving On" post.
Things discovered in 2011 are not all over yet. I am still learning. There is still much to explore along certain threads and in particular areas of heart pain. And I find myself really wanting to just get at it! I am really eager to live new, live different.
No, I'm not just wanting to walk away and get past painful things.
No, I'm not just ignoring the past and walking on.
What I really want to do is bring to completion the lessons of this season.
I want to mark what has been learned.
I want to make some specific decisions about my life and ways of relating to others.
And then live better.
How to Procrastinate...and Feel good about it too
1. Read articles about motivation.
2. Click interesting links in above articles.
3. Look up books recommended in articles...like THIS ONE.
4. Be impressed by above book.
5. Consider buying, loading onto Kindle and reading right away.
6. Think about how beneficial it might be to read this book every day.
7. Realize--if this book is so good, it must be available in Chinese too!
8. Check out Amazon.cn to find out that... it IS.
9. Consider buying a whack of books in #8 for all the people I know who could benefit from it.
10. Realize what I'm doing, that it's kind of funny.
11. Consider posting a clever line on FB.
12. Write a blog post about how I'm procrastinating.
13. Link blog post to FB.
14. Realize: "It's been quite effective. I'm still not doing the stuff I'm supposed to do tonight...and it's nearly 10 p.m."
Wow, I am a pro.
Maybe it's a sickness... oh, wait...I know.
15. Google search: cures for procrastination, compulsive procrastination
16. Find out if there are any easy miracle cures.
(okay...so...I don't actually feel so good about it...)
(17. Watch FB and Blogger dashboard to see how many people like, comment or read the post. :o( )
2. Click interesting links in above articles.
3. Look up books recommended in articles...like THIS ONE.
4. Be impressed by above book.
5. Consider buying, loading onto Kindle and reading right away.
6. Think about how beneficial it might be to read this book every day.
7. Realize--if this book is so good, it must be available in Chinese too!
8. Check out Amazon.cn to find out that... it IS.
9. Consider buying a whack of books in #8 for all the people I know who could benefit from it.
10. Realize what I'm doing, that it's kind of funny.
11. Consider posting a clever line on FB.
12. Write a blog post about how I'm procrastinating.
13. Link blog post to FB.
14. Realize: "It's been quite effective. I'm still not doing the stuff I'm supposed to do tonight...and it's nearly 10 p.m."
Wow, I am a pro.
Maybe it's a sickness... oh, wait...I know.
15. Google search: cures for procrastination, compulsive procrastination
16. Find out if there are any easy miracle cures.
(okay...so...I don't actually feel so good about it...)
(17. Watch FB and Blogger dashboard to see how many people like, comment or read the post. :o( )
God, I wish I could do better!
Father, I ask for insight, insight that will change.
Am I the only one that does this...finds myself again and again in the same situation with people I care about so deeply--frustrated, talking more loudly than I should, leaving them feeling like they can't do anything right?
Maybe this is the challenge I should take on next year
(Wrote this a little over 2 weeks ago. Glad the last two weeks have gone better.)
Am I the only one that does this...finds myself again and again in the same situation with people I care about so deeply--frustrated, talking more loudly than I should, leaving them feeling like they can't do anything right?
Maybe this is the challenge I should take on next year
(Wrote this a little over 2 weeks ago. Glad the last two weeks have gone better.)
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