Wrestling it through...

When You speak
When You break through
What do You want us to do with that?

Do You want us to just 
   and do it?
Perhaps, sometimes.
Perhaps, often even.

But is that always what you want us to do.

Jacob wrestled a blessing from You
You told Moses to leave You alone (Ex. 32:10)
So that Your anger could burn and destroy the people
But he didn't leave You alone
He argued that one with You
And You relented
It's almost as if You wanted Him to stay and argue
Was it a test?

Just a bit later (33:1-3) You told him
You wouldn't go with him, with them
You'd send an angel
But You wouldn't go
And again he argues with You
And...You let him
And seem to like it

I've always thought I could engage with You
I've always thought You could take my questions
But this, now, is the context of when You speak to me
When You speak to Your people
It makes sense that we should engage
And like the examples above, even
Your final answer
Might be a little different than the original

And now I'm thinking a step further
Of the times I thought You have spoken
And I did agree, I did like it
But then I just sat on it
And sometimes
They didn't happen
Could it be that my lack of wrestling it through
   praying that it would really happen
   became a hindrance?

Could it be
That when You speak
No matter what
You really want us
You really want me
   to engage
Hearing You speak
Hearing what You say
   is not quite enough
There are implications
There are always implications
And I need to learn to stay
   and work those out
To keep listening
   and wrestling

It is a whole life
Continually lived in Your presence
Always engaged

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