So...what happened?
These days...I have been tested to the depths
of calling
and identity
...the things that matter most
When these are clear and firm
There is confidence
Hope
Joy
Motivation
When these are shaky
Questioned
There is darkness
Discouragement
No motivation
I have asked
Why did You make me like this?
I have needed to hear
Again
That it is good
That You made me good
It was a job well done
Not reluctantly good, or okay
But really good
The best possible
Well...I haven't heard to the level of "best possible" yet
But definitely more than "reluctantly okay"
I have remembered
The things You said to me
Through the years
Especially
Related to
...Lily 野百合
And then You reminded me
It came through me
That good thing
That 'break-through' event
That...
The vision came through me
Yes, me. Me.
I don't know why
But it came
And I said, "yes"
And I followed
And it happened
Better than I would have imagined
You want me to keep doing this, don't You?
You want me to keep going
To keep stepping out
Sometimes "knowing"
Sometimes only barely suspecting
And You plan to use me
You want to use this...
(I want to say "obnoxious," "pushing," "annoying"
But...You probably see it better than that)
This...
Tenacious
Determined
Persistent
Always looking for a way
Always looking for a better way
Never giving up
...little me
And then you say
I love you just the way you are
You're beautiful to me
(still coming...some past posts wrestling with the "Who am I?" ...)
Passed
"Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me."
Matt. 11:6
You passed John, you did
You made it
You didn't stumble
There in that dungeon
You wondered
You doubted
It didn't make sense
Wasn't what you planned
Wasn't what you thought would happen
So you sent
And asked
But you didn't turn away
You were faithful to the end
And you are blessed
Compared to your real
And life-taking
Dungeon and trial
Mine...seems trivial
But I have known my own "darkness"
I have had to hold on through the night
Doubting if I have ever heard
Wondering if I had really followed His call
Or if that was all my own imagining
Especially in the light of how things were turning out
But you have taught me
You and many others through the ages
And the training He has given
...to not give up
...not turn away
...not stumble just because it doesn't make sense
I passed too
Thank You Lord
For strength to endure
Hope beyond seeing
The sense of Your approval now
And...since we're including lots of songs that have shared the journey...
Matt. 11:6
You passed John, you did
You made it
You didn't stumble
There in that dungeon
You wondered
You doubted
It didn't make sense
Wasn't what you planned
Wasn't what you thought would happen
So you sent
And asked
But you didn't turn away
You were faithful to the end
And you are blessed
Compared to your real
And life-taking
Dungeon and trial
Mine...seems trivial
But I have known my own "darkness"
I have had to hold on through the night
Doubting if I have ever heard
Wondering if I had really followed His call
Or if that was all my own imagining
Especially in the light of how things were turning out
But you have taught me
You and many others through the ages
And the training He has given
...to not give up
...not turn away
...not stumble just because it doesn't make sense
I passed too
Thank You Lord
For strength to endure
Hope beyond seeing
The sense of Your approval now
And...since we're including lots of songs that have shared the journey...
I Can SEE
...The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness.
Ps. 18:28
I can see again
Thank You LORD
Wow...what a battle
What a time to endure
The difference
between
clouds and fog
and
seeing clearly
is astonishing
Hope
Light
Energy and ability to work
Ideas to plan
I can see
Thank You
Please, can we stay here for a little while? Teach me...lead me. Help me keep walking forward in faith, believing, trusting You for all Your good promises and blessings, and strength for the journey.
Clouds part... Light breaks through...
Ps. 18:28
I can see again
Thank You LORD
Wow...what a battle
What a time to endure
The difference
between
clouds and fog
and
seeing clearly
is astonishing
Hope
Light
Energy and ability to work
Ideas to plan
I can see
Thank You
Please, can we stay here for a little while? Teach me...lead me. Help me keep walking forward in faith, believing, trusting You for all Your good promises and blessings, and strength for the journey.
Clouds part... Light breaks through...
Reaching
I can't see
It's dark.
The journey is long
and hard
And yet I'm reaching out to You
Jesus, You still capture my heart and my imagination again and again
I see Your goodness in this world
(Kent Brantley: Every Now and Then a Disciple Breaks out)
I see how You want to bring Your goodness
I see how it is You reaching out through me
Into the world You have put me in
And there is still strength
And still the want
To go there
To do that
To be that
It's hard
And the journey is long
But still
I'm reaching out for You
Finding strength in You again today
And as I reach out
You reach out to me
You continue to hold me
You continue to remind me
Of who You are
Thank You
It's dark.
The journey is long
and hard
And yet I'm reaching out to You
Jesus, You still capture my heart and my imagination again and again
I see Your goodness in this world
(Kent Brantley: Every Now and Then a Disciple Breaks out)
I see how You want to bring Your goodness
I see how it is You reaching out through me
Into the world You have put me in
And there is still strength
And still the want
To go there
To do that
To be that
It's hard
And the journey is long
But still
I'm reaching out for You
Finding strength in You again today
And as I reach out
You reach out to me
You continue to hold me
You continue to remind me
Of who You are
Thank You
Your forming
Your forming
Is quite amazing
I can see it
I can feel it
How You have led
How the challenges earlier
Have worked something into me
For now
I can see more
I am stronger, more aware
(written earlier in August)
Is quite amazing
I can see it
I can feel it
How You have led
How the challenges earlier
Have worked something into me
For now
I can see more
I am stronger, more aware
(written earlier in August)
Yearning
Yeah how?
How am I supposed to "not be discouraged"?
God,
I can't see You
I can't hear You
I don't know what You are doing
I
am
so
lost
Am I just supposed to keep going blind?
But how?
Please...
Show...
Give insight...
What
has robbed my hope
my faith
my confidence to get up and face it
to take on the day
Well
Maybe I know what has robbed it
Partly anyway
So
What do I do now?
I try to pray
I'm so agitated
All I can do is try
With what I know
And with a heart that leans in
And trust Your kindness
and compassion
To receive
Even when it feels like
not enough
or not quite right
How am I supposed to "not be discouraged"?
God,
I can't see You
I can't hear You
I don't know what You are doing
I
am
so
lost
Am I just supposed to keep going blind?
But how?
Please...
Show...
Give insight...
What
has robbed my hope
my faith
my confidence to get up and face it
to take on the day
Well
Maybe I know what has robbed it
Partly anyway
So
What do I do now?
I try to pray
I'm so agitated
All I can do is try
With what I know
And with a heart that leans in
And trust Your kindness
and compassion
To receive
Even when it feels like
not enough
or not quite right
Do NOT be discouraged
A nearby passage was my reading earlier in the week, and I was reminded of this, written 2010.09.15. At that time I had a sense that God was saying something to me--to press on, to go forward, to build. And now again I wonder if He is still saying the same thing.
From 1 Chron, 28:9, 10, 20:
Learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately
Worship and serve Him with
your whole heart and
a willing mind
For the Lord sees every heart
and knows every plan and thought
If you seek Him
you will find Him
So TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
The Lord has chosen YOU to build a temple...
Be strong and do the work
Be Strong and Courageous and Do the work
Do not be afraid or discouraged
for the Lord God
My God is with you
He will not fail you or forsake you
He will see to it
that all the work...
is finished correctly
"Do not be discouraged!"
We are charged with that many times through Scripture.
I think I've been discouraged, or getting discouraged again and again.
Yesterday I was introduced to some new music, and found some other music, and it blessed me.
Either last night, or this morning I had the thought, "I'm going to need to work hard to NOT be discouraged." And, thankfully, I had ideas, and the energy to be proactive--got up to exercise, to work out to a new playlist of songs I purchased and downloaded videos for yesterday.
I bought and am enjoying many songs from Michael W. Smith's new album Sovereign.
Here is the song Sovereign over us
I also considered Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding. The song Take Another Step is good for me, something I need to remember. I get overwhelmed, lost, confused, can't see my way through, or how what I am doing will be useful, and I get paralyzed and stop. No...I need to learn to just "take another step, and another step."
Thank You Lord, for breaking through to me in my discouragement. Thank You...glimpses of clarity and hope break through, come again and lift me...
From 1 Chron, 28:9, 10, 20:
Learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately
Worship and serve Him withyour whole heart and
a willing mind
For the Lord sees every heart
and knows every plan and thought
If you seek Him
you will find Him
So TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY
The Lord has chosen YOU to build a temple...
Be strong and do the work
Be Strong and Courageous and Do the work
Do not be afraid or discouraged
for the Lord God
My God is with you
He will not fail you or forsake you
He will see to it
that all the work...
is finished correctly
"Do not be discouraged!"
We are charged with that many times through Scripture.
I think I've been discouraged, or getting discouraged again and again.
Yesterday I was introduced to some new music, and found some other music, and it blessed me.
Either last night, or this morning I had the thought, "I'm going to need to work hard to NOT be discouraged." And, thankfully, I had ideas, and the energy to be proactive--got up to exercise, to work out to a new playlist of songs I purchased and downloaded videos for yesterday.
I bought and am enjoying many songs from Michael W. Smith's new album Sovereign.
Here is the song Sovereign over us
I also considered Steven Curtis Chapman's Glorious Unfolding. The song Take Another Step is good for me, something I need to remember. I get overwhelmed, lost, confused, can't see my way through, or how what I am doing will be useful, and I get paralyzed and stop. No...I need to learn to just "take another step, and another step."
Thank You Lord, for breaking through to me in my discouragement. Thank You...glimpses of clarity and hope break through, come again and lift me...
Prayer...
What is prayer?
How can I learn to be a person who prays?
Probably ... by praying
I know how to pray, and yet I don't
What stops me?
Sometimes...it's just so easy to bring everything before you, and I do.
Sometimes...I don't know where to begin
Like these days
When I start
I just cry
Which probably means I need to keep going
Stay here
Before You
Until I hear
Until I see
What You are saying to me, in the midst of this
How can I learn to be a person who prays?
Probably ... by praying
I know how to pray, and yet I don't
What stops me?
Sometimes...it's just so easy to bring everything before you, and I do.
Sometimes...I don't know where to begin
Like these days
When I start
I just cry
Which probably means I need to keep going
Stay here
Before You
Until I hear
Until I see
What You are saying to me, in the midst of this
I LOVE This! (Remembering the Journey)
(written June 6, 2012)
"I LOVE this!"
It was Marcus Buckingham (and Andy Stanley who introduced me to him) that first enlightened me to the idea that I should develop my strengths. "But what are my strengths!?!?" I yelled in the kitchen one day, after realizing the idea really made sense. Going through Go Put Your Strengths to Work with staff in 2008, helped me start to notice what I 'loved' and 'loathed' as one indicator.
Did I say it? I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives.
"I LOVE this!"
That's what I thought several times today while planning the last segment of the final activity for our graduating students. I love it, I really do. I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives. I got excited a couple of weeks ago opening up the files and notes for the sessions we're teaching next week.
It was Marcus Buckingham (and Andy Stanley who introduced me to him) that first enlightened me to the idea that I should develop my strengths. "But what are my strengths!?!?" I yelled in the kitchen one day, after realizing the idea really made sense. Going through Go Put Your Strengths to Work with staff in 2008, helped me start to notice what I 'loved' and 'loathed' as one indicator.
Did I say it? I love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives.
Note: as of Aug. 13, 2014...
I STILL love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives!
I STILL love planning and programming that inspires and changes lives!
Dreams and Training
Until the time came to fulfill his dreams,[a]
the Lord tested Joseph’s character.
Psalm 105:19 (NLT)
The footnote on "his dreams" says "or his word." Interesting...they are really the same thing--the dreams God gave Joseph, were "his word" to Joseph, His plans for his life.
What seems like such a tragedy--Joseph sold as a slave to Egypt, is described in this passage as very planned and intentional. To prepare for the famine the LORD was going to send, "he sent someone to Egypt ahead of them" (v. 17a).
This plan seems so opposite the dreams. No, they were still real, true. The would still be fulfilled. Just...it was not yet time to fulfill those dreams. And until the time came to fulfill the dreams "the LORD tested Joseph's character."
You have also 'spoken' to me, and given me 'dreams.' Could it be that you are also, right now, 'testing my character'? Oh dear, if it's like test in school--"here it is, see how you do," well, I have already failed miserably. However if this 'testing' is a 'training,' then there is still hope. I can try, realize the challenge, fail miserably, come to You for insight, direction, realize what needs to change, work on the "strength training," build some muscle, keep trying.
Don't know where we get the idea that "dreams" are just "fun," and immediately granted or fulfilled. Generally, this is not the case. That it takes time, a lot of time, and struggle, to get there, in no way minimizes the truth, the power, the worth, or the reality of the dream.
So now, for me, I need to hang on to the dream, and until then, lean into the character training.
And...since I'm still listening to and enjoying Casting Crowns' Thrive album, here's a related song--Dream for You.
the Lord tested Joseph’s character.
Psalm 105:19 (NLT)
The footnote on "his dreams" says "or his word." Interesting...they are really the same thing--the dreams God gave Joseph, were "his word" to Joseph, His plans for his life.
What seems like such a tragedy--Joseph sold as a slave to Egypt, is described in this passage as very planned and intentional. To prepare for the famine the LORD was going to send, "he sent someone to Egypt ahead of them" (v. 17a).
This plan seems so opposite the dreams. No, they were still real, true. The would still be fulfilled. Just...it was not yet time to fulfill those dreams. And until the time came to fulfill the dreams "the LORD tested Joseph's character."
You have also 'spoken' to me, and given me 'dreams.' Could it be that you are also, right now, 'testing my character'? Oh dear, if it's like test in school--"here it is, see how you do," well, I have already failed miserably. However if this 'testing' is a 'training,' then there is still hope. I can try, realize the challenge, fail miserably, come to You for insight, direction, realize what needs to change, work on the "strength training," build some muscle, keep trying.
Don't know where we get the idea that "dreams" are just "fun," and immediately granted or fulfilled. Generally, this is not the case. That it takes time, a lot of time, and struggle, to get there, in no way minimizes the truth, the power, the worth, or the reality of the dream.
So now, for me, I need to hang on to the dream, and until then, lean into the character training.
And...since I'm still listening to and enjoying Casting Crowns' Thrive album, here's a related song--Dream for You.
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