Thank You Lord
for the life that you gave me
this life
in this place
with its hardship
isolation
loneliness
(I never thought I'd be saying this, but)
Thank You
for the lack of resources
the lack of help
I think, along the way
I've helped some others
and that was the intent
But I'm coming to see
I needed this place
this journey
to be forced to grow
and develop
so many gifts and talents
latent
unused
hidden
in the background
backing down and
backing away
when others were more competent
I needed to be in a place
where there was no one else
where at least my little
could be seen as a help
to force me to offer
and be bold
and let You
draw, push, force
more out of me
And You
having put this treasure in me
determined that You
wanted to see it flourish
blossom
grow
You wanted me to be
all that You made me to be
You wanted to see these gifts
discovered and used
and this
was the only place
where it could happen
Thank You Good God
for so faithfully arranging my life
I want
Jesus
I want to have the heart that You have
Even if it gets broken a thousand times
I want Your eyes to see the world
Give all its proper value and place
Even if it hurts to see
At least, perhaps, I will
Waste less on foolishness endeavours
Let fewer important opportunities slip away
Jesus
I want Your wisdom, Your insight
Into people
Into life choices
Ah Jesus
Please
Make me like You
I want to have the heart that You have
Even if it gets broken a thousand times
I want Your eyes to see the world
Give all its proper value and place
Even if it hurts to see
At least, perhaps, I will
Waste less on foolishness endeavours
Let fewer important opportunities slip away
Jesus
I want Your wisdom, Your insight
Into people
Into life choices
Ah Jesus
Please
Make me like You
Who will go...
Who will go into the pain
Who will go and sit
where there is death
where there is brokenness
where there is helplessness
where there are no answers
Who will be there when they
Come crawling for help?
Bring their dead?
Who will listen
maybe there is
help He wants to give
a solution
healing
Who will
give the help
do what needs to be done
say the words
Who will go there
and not hold back
Who will be
Jesus
in those situations
Not running from
the uncertainty
the risk of spectacle
the consequences
the personal cost
Jesus, forgive me. I have held back. Sometimes, I have been so unwilling, so not like You. Somehow I didn't believe You would come through. My eyes were blinded to what was really important. You wanted to do good, but I refused to be the one through whom You would bless. And in the end, we all lost out.
(from--reflections on Mt. 9:18-26, my own life and times I did not help, and the things J.Z. faced today, in the course of reaching out to help; Dedicated to you J.Z.--you've chosen a profession of being willing for this, this day is why you were there...may you be renewed and strengthened as you have gone, given, and grieved with Jesus.)
Who will go and sit
where there is death
where there is brokenness
where there is helplessness
where there are no answers
Who will be there when they
Come crawling for help?
Bring their dead?
Who will listen
maybe there is
help He wants to give
a solution
healing
Who will
give the help
do what needs to be done
say the words
Who will go there
and not hold back
Who will be
Jesus
in those situations
Not running from
the uncertainty
the risk of spectacle
the consequences
the personal cost
Jesus, forgive me. I have held back. Sometimes, I have been so unwilling, so not like You. Somehow I didn't believe You would come through. My eyes were blinded to what was really important. You wanted to do good, but I refused to be the one through whom You would bless. And in the end, we all lost out.
(from--reflections on Mt. 9:18-26, my own life and times I did not help, and the things J.Z. faced today, in the course of reaching out to help; Dedicated to you J.Z.--you've chosen a profession of being willing for this, this day is why you were there...may you be renewed and strengthened as you have gone, given, and grieved with Jesus.)
New
Have you noticed? Some speakers...you heard them, they were really good, but years later, they are still telling the same stories? And I stop listening. I'm not impressed any more. Is there nothing new? Does their faith and experience of God not keep growing? Oh...forgive me if I'm judging here, that's not the point...just...I will choose others to be my guides.
God, preserve in me a fresh faith
One that lasts
But even more important
Is always new
I too have had seasons
Where the wisdom I spouted
Was old wisdom
Good still, but something from the past
Because there was nothing fresh
But that should last
Only for a season
Only a winter
Until spring
Old mixed with the new
Old and new treasures
Because of a life with You
That is alive and growing
You good God
Never stop leading and teaching
And there is certainly
More than a long lifetime's worth
That I have still to learn
For all my days
Whether they be few or many
May there be new
New insight
New courage
New love
New hope
New trials and challenges
New vision of You
New knowing of You
God, preserve in me a fresh faith
One that lasts
But even more important
Is always new
I too have had seasons
Where the wisdom I spouted
Was old wisdom
Good still, but something from the past
Because there was nothing fresh
But that should last
Only for a season
Only a winter
Until spring
Old mixed with the new
Old and new treasures
Because of a life with You
That is alive and growing
You good God
Never stop leading and teaching
And there is certainly
More than a long lifetime's worth
That I have still to learn
For all my days
Whether they be few or many
May there be new
New insight
New courage
New love
New hope
New trials and challenges
New vision of You
New knowing of You
How does a heart...
How does a heart hold all this
How does one contain
How do I treasure
and yet let go
the joys
the memories
the relationships
the closeness
And how do I endure
the pain
of leaving
of going
And steel myself
once again
for...
How do I navigate
How can I learn
to not live so extreme
I don't have to be alone
I'm not
just don't always know how
or neglect
to bring others in
No one taught me
How to live this life
And there are certainly plenty of detractors
Real and imagined
The only way I see
Has always been the only way
To somehow know You
Be led by You
I'm finding posts previously written...saved in drafts...this one was Feb. 27, 2013--so that was the day I left Texas, anticipating Calgary for 4 days, Toronto for 4 days, then back to the other side of the world. The night before leaving Texas--I was feeling the ripping. I hadn't expected to so connect with those two boys. Yep, "Spark" and "Bright Eyes" (我爱你们！), you crawled up into my heart and made it hard to leave. And I was getting tired of and wondering how on earth I was supposed to take it, to navigate this "connect ... cut ... connect ... cut" of seeing people again, going deep, then the severing 'good-bye'...
How does one contain
How do I treasure
and yet let go
the joys
the memories
the relationships
the closeness
And how do I endure
the pain
of leaving
of going
And steel myself
once again
for...
How do I navigate
How can I learn
to not live so extreme
I don't have to be alone
I'm not
just don't always know how
or neglect
to bring others in
No one taught me
How to live this life
And there are certainly plenty of detractors
Real and imagined
The only way I see
Has always been the only way
To somehow know You
Be led by You
I'm finding posts previously written...saved in drafts...this one was Feb. 27, 2013--so that was the day I left Texas, anticipating Calgary for 4 days, Toronto for 4 days, then back to the other side of the world. The night before leaving Texas--I was feeling the ripping. I hadn't expected to so connect with those two boys. Yep, "Spark" and "Bright Eyes" (我爱你们！), you crawled up into my heart and made it hard to leave. And I was getting tired of and wondering how on earth I was supposed to take it, to navigate this "connect ... cut ... connect ... cut" of seeing people again, going deep, then the severing 'good-bye'...
Mystery
Mystery it is
how You draw and pull
calling out in a man
his best possible self
Amazing it is
the circumstances You use
how You catch us by surprise
asking things we never imagined
You draw one man
then call him
to rescue a young man
(two young men)
and in the process
do so much more
Hey little bro, I'm so proud of you, of the man you are becoming. Give it everything you've got, because now you are going to call it out in them--"God Spark" and "Bright Eyes"--to become every bit of the men they are meant to be, their best possible selves. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.
calling out in a man
his best possible self
Amazing it is
the circumstances You use
how You catch us by surprise
asking things we never imagined
You draw one man
then call him
to rescue a young man
(two young men)
and in the process
do so much more
Hey little bro, I'm so proud of you, of the man you are becoming. Give it everything you've got, because now you are going to call it out in them--"God Spark" and "Bright Eyes"--to become every bit of the men they are meant to be, their best possible selves. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.
Pigs and Temples
Jesus
You just might come in
and disrupt my life
cause destruction
and turmoi
and loss
and waste
of investment
and return
Jesus
come and disrupt my life
destroy and remove
misplaced investments
anything
that gets in the way
of worship
I'm not sure
what may come
after the devastation
how long I may sit
in stunned silence
I'm not sure how I'll regain
recover
and learn to live new
Are You
one
who might come
after the demolition
and help rebuild?
Jn 2:13-16, Mt. 8:28-34
You just might come in
and disrupt my life
cause destruction
and turmoi
and loss
and waste
of investment
and return
Jesus
come and disrupt my life
destroy and remove
misplaced investments
anything
that gets in the way
of worship
I'm not sure
what may come
after the devastation
how long I may sit
in stunned silence
I'm not sure how I'll regain
recover
and learn to live new
Are You
one
who might come
after the demolition
and help rebuild?
Jn 2:13-16, Mt. 8:28-34
The grace I seek
For ten more weeks in The Journey with Jesus, daily, the grace I seek is:
to know Jesus intimately,
to love Him more intensely and
to follow Him more closely
In evening examen I ask:
1. How and when did you experience Immanuel (God with you) today?
2. When were you aware of your love for Jesus today?
3. When did you "follow Jesus" in your relationships, circumstances,
reactive and proactive responses and actions?
Jesus, help me to see You. Help me to know You. Lead me Lord. Change me Lord. Work this into my life--may I live into a life of constant awareness of Your presence, always looking for You, seeing You, hearing You, responding to You and You alone. This is my deepest desire. I want to live well in this world, with You, centered in You, from You, and being You to others.
to know Jesus intimately,
to love Him more intensely and
to follow Him more closely
In evening examen I ask:
1. How and when did you experience Immanuel (God with you) today?
2. When were you aware of your love for Jesus today?
3. When did you "follow Jesus" in your relationships, circumstances,
reactive and proactive responses and actions?
Jesus, help me to see You. Help me to know You. Lead me Lord. Change me Lord. Work this into my life--may I live into a life of constant awareness of Your presence, always looking for You, seeing You, hearing You, responding to You and You alone. This is my deepest desire. I want to live well in this world, with You, centered in You, from You, and being You to others.
Widow of Zarephath
You ask of me
what you asked of her
there she was
such limited resources
use up
this little bit
feed son
and self
then die
You asked her to give
even that
she did
spent the last little bit
on You first
and found
there was
enough
again
the next day
and I've wondered
I have so little left
should I be stopping
to recharge
is going on
foolishness
stubborn self-sufficiency
arrogance
You asked me to
like her
spend what I have
for this day
and trust
tomorrow
there will be enough
for that day
I did
the next day
there was more
I don't know how many days
will go on like this
I don't know when I'll again see
reserves
plenty
I'm trusting Lord
I haven't yet stopped
I've been living this way
for more than three weeks now
since you spoke to me
about her
and I've seen You provide
I only have enough for each day
and for each day
what there is is limited
but there has been enough
thank You
On April 21st, I was on a bus with a colleague in a neighbouring province, coming back from our annual offsite planning meetings. We had worked hard to plan, knowing our limitations, but still I was concerned. I have so little energy. We are so short staffed. Then emergencies come, and things take a toll I hadn't expected. I was listening to a message by Gary Thomas--'Common Blessings'. He mentioned this widow and her story for a totally different reason (only later, after her son was raised did she believe...after all that previous daily miracle). But I wondered if the above was what God was speaking to me.
One week later, I was on another bus, praying again--"God, I'm so tired, are there changes we should make to plans? How can we do this?" I had no sense of Him leading to drop things, or cancel. (Two years ago, I did cancel the summer programs, when it seemed we needed to--a very hard call to make, but the right one at the time.) An hour later I heard the news, there were plans in the works, others were already talking and planning to come to help, what a relief! Their coming--is still work--relieves some work and adds some work, the relief MUCH MORE than the add. And since then, ideas and strategies are coming about the energy, and there has been enough.
Sometimes we are tired and need to stop. Sometimes we need to keep going, but always it needs to happen by His leading. Here I am LORD, still following, learning to trust. Thank you for what is needed for each day. You only promise what is needed for each day...but I really don't need any more than that anyway.
what you asked of her
there she was
such limited resources
use up
this little bit
feed son
and self
then die
You asked her to give
even that
she did
spent the last little bit
on You first
and found
there was
enough
again
the next day
and I've wondered
I have so little left
should I be stopping
to recharge
is going on
foolishness
stubborn self-sufficiency
arrogance
You asked me to
like her
spend what I have
for this day
and trust
tomorrow
there will be enough
for that day
I did
the next day
there was more
I don't know how many days
will go on like this
I don't know when I'll again see
reserves
plenty
I'm trusting Lord
I haven't yet stopped
I've been living this way
for more than three weeks now
since you spoke to me
about her
and I've seen You provide
I only have enough for each day
and for each day
what there is is limited
but there has been enough
thank You
On April 21st, I was on a bus with a colleague in a neighbouring province, coming back from our annual offsite planning meetings. We had worked hard to plan, knowing our limitations, but still I was concerned. I have so little energy. We are so short staffed. Then emergencies come, and things take a toll I hadn't expected. I was listening to a message by Gary Thomas--'Common Blessings'. He mentioned this widow and her story for a totally different reason (only later, after her son was raised did she believe...after all that previous daily miracle). But I wondered if the above was what God was speaking to me.
One week later, I was on another bus, praying again--"God, I'm so tired, are there changes we should make to plans? How can we do this?" I had no sense of Him leading to drop things, or cancel. (Two years ago, I did cancel the summer programs, when it seemed we needed to--a very hard call to make, but the right one at the time.) An hour later I heard the news, there were plans in the works, others were already talking and planning to come to help, what a relief! Their coming--is still work--relieves some work and adds some work, the relief MUCH MORE than the add. And since then, ideas and strategies are coming about the energy, and there has been enough.
Sometimes we are tired and need to stop. Sometimes we need to keep going, but always it needs to happen by His leading. Here I am LORD, still following, learning to trust. Thank you for what is needed for each day. You only promise what is needed for each day...but I really don't need any more than that anyway.
A Prayer...
O God, help me to learn to be faithful. I can do well in the big things, the huge and clear challenges and demands, but in the monotony and drudgery and non-excitement of everyday boring tasks, I am so unfaithful, irresponsible, behaving in ways I would NOT put up with in others--i.e. staff. What a hypocrite.
Thank You. You have shown me my heart, shown me the things that entice and draw me away from You, from Your way, and the life You would have for me...the life I really do want. You have shown me the folly of my ways.
Thank You. You have shown me my heart, shown me the things that entice and draw me away from You, from Your way, and the life You would have for me...the life I really do want. You have shown me the folly of my ways.
Teach me, little boy
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