So...I'm going with it.
Earlier I said I 'thought' my one word for 2012 would be Healing, but I wasn't sure. My hesitancy mostly related to how it seemed too passive a word, and that is not the kind of healing I'm talking about or feeling the need to pursue in 2012. I'm talking about something more like intense, active physiotherapy, than sleep. And in that vein...I'm going with it.
Where this journey will take me...I don't know yet.
What is needed...I'm not totally sure.
I will come here to post what I'm learning along the journey.
Today was my 'silent' day. Most Monday's are off, and I disengage from people locally. I pulled out my iPod this evening, and listened to Menlo Park Presbyterian Church's New Year service. The message centres around John 5 and Jesus asking the man by the pool of Bethesda, "Do you want to be healed?"
So I ask myself... Do I really want the healing I say I want? I see the need for some changes, I see some brokenness. In some areas I can answer with a very honest "yes!"--these are the root areas, in me, the areas in which I see the way to healing as being spending time in God's presence, learning to know Him more, having Him reveal, touch and heal those places.
But then there are other places. I've noticed some patterns lately, especially when it comes to difficult things to work out with other people. When it's awkward, and I see no way forward, and I am busy...I just put it off. And the problem stays, and it happens again and again. Do I want healing in this? Do I want to learn and start practising new ways of coping with difficult relationships? Yes...but... how, where do I start? I'm going to need some insight, and I'll need to start small, maybe with some other people. For these big ones, that have happened over and over...I don't know if I even want to bother.
Lord, this is me here before You...please lead...