I still wonder

I wonder at You, Jesus
More and more it seems
Even after all the years I have known You
It seems I'm only just now
Starting to really understand

Last Saturday night
There she was, telling me off
Angry, ranting

Raising questions about my sense of responsibility
Suggesting my carelessness might cause her death

And the deaths of our students
Raising questions about my motives
All in front of staff, and students
Rudely interrupting an event we were trying to hold
Determined to believe some of her own false information
Making it impossible for us to continue
Putting me in a very awkward place
Yet ultimately making quite a spectacle of herself

Although I found I was shaking
And very angry, right after the event
It soon subsided
And I could see much more quickly
With Your eyes


I knew how You would be looking at her
Desiring above all ... reconciliation
You would have compassion and pity
For she is the one most hurt and torn up
By the bitterness, replays of offenses, 
And refusal to forgive

And I could more quickly see my error
More quickly move to apologize


Still amaze me
I still wonder at You


I so want to be like You

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