Grief coming on...

A grief coming on
First it was for my kids
Birthed from an idea
And it led me to

My grief
The losses
The current struggles
In family
In relationships
Things unsettled
Things not mentioned
Much just barely felt
Until the times when
I feel it all

It's probably all down there
Soon to be a volcano
Unless I heed the call, the invitation
To enter in

I wrote the above 4 days ago. Then, two and a half days later I heard the news, the dreadful news--a cousin is gone from this life, took her own life. Oh the pain, oh the agony, especially for those closest to her. And for me...a sense of His guiding, leading...a heart prepared, and a enter into what all this means, the feelings, the things that need to be acknowledged, the sharing with family.

God of this journey
You know my ways
You know the past, present and future
You know the mess
The incompetence
Of my ways
And yet You are guiding
You are here
You are leading

Lead us all
Guide us Lord
Heal us
Teach us

And for those especially hurting
Hold them Lord
Give hope
And light through this darkness

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