He's back to 4 today. Good! I'm so glad. And he's saying "thank you" more often now too. Good signs!
Is he pulling through? Coming out of danger? After what happened this week, is there a real and permanent change that has happened and will make all the difference?
Ever since that week he was really low, two nights and the next morning where I wondered if he was already gone, we've had this system. It seems to be the easiest thing, and he can answer even if he doesn't want to answer anything else....a text message, a number between 1 and 10--the "hope" level for the day.
The highest ever has been a 6--just one day, and there were some 5's, there there were lots of 4's, but this past week or more it's been 3. And actually...I don't remember if he's said 2... Thursday when I asked about 1, he didn't want to talk about it. Two is needing to drop out of school, at least for a time. One is thinking of suicide. Yes, scary that about suicide the answer was, "Can I not say?"
That day and the next were still 3. But today, after a good time of playing basketball, back to 4.
What pain. What loss. I have no idea how I would cope if it were me.
What will this look like years from now? I have no idea. I do hope it's glorious! I hope his life is full of Hope and Joy and Love. I hope he has a wonderful family and is a great husband and dad. I hope he never leaves them to work far away. I hope the One who loves him most really has become his Father, and that the pain of losing his earthly dad becomes healing. I hope he finds healing for all the scars--the pain and the guilt.
I hope he has an incredible story that he loves to tell. I hope he tells it with grace and dignity. And I hope many gain the same through his life, his story, his healing...pointing to another.
I hope for what I do not see, but is completely possible, maybe actually on the way.
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