Life...
Is just kinda hard
Yep. Just is.
And doesn't seem to stop
But apparently
What doesn't kill us
Makes us stronger
I could think that
I'm going to be super tough in the end
But maybe
I'm just a wimp
It's okay
Weak is okay
Hard is okay
As long as I remember to lean
Lean in
Lean hard
Lean listening
Lean learning
Lean apologizing
Falling, but getting up again
Get up softer
Get up wiser
Get up gentler
Knowing there is grace
Knowing there is love
Knowing there is strength enough
Life... is a lean
Things Not Said
Words
Words unspoken
Words not sure if they want to be expressed
Or should be shared
Words avoided due to fear
Or uncertainty
Words hesitated
Not yet the right words
Not yet the right time
Words not voiced by accident
Meant to say it
Thought to bring it up
But time rushed on, and the words are gone
Words deliberately held back
Avoid the turmoil and trauma
'Going there' costs too much
Easier to say nothing
Than risk hours
to sort after-thoughts and emotions
Words withheld
Out of love
Out of apathy
As a weapon
In self-protection
Some words should not be spoken
Some words should
I have lived long and much in the latter
Am now learning the former
My heart
May it be true and good
My words
Spoken and unspoken
May they heal and give
Words unspoken
Words not sure if they want to be expressed
Or should be shared
Words avoided due to fear
Or uncertainty
Words hesitated
Not yet the right words
Not yet the right time
Words not voiced by accident
Meant to say it
Thought to bring it up
But time rushed on, and the words are gone
Words deliberately held back
Avoid the turmoil and trauma
'Going there' costs too much
Easier to say nothing
Than risk hours
to sort after-thoughts and emotions
Words withheld
Out of love
Out of apathy
As a weapon
In self-protection
Some words should not be spoken
Some words should
I have lived long and much in the latter
Am now learning the former
My heart
May it be true and good
My words
Spoken and unspoken
May they heal and give
Father's Day -- Thankful, and Wondering...
This Father's Day
I find myself thankful, and wondering
I'm thankful for what I received
or rather, for who received me
when I came into this world
I had a dad who
loved me
treasured me
was proud of me
supported me
shared life wide open--
joys and struggles,
fears and frustrations
there were celebrations and confessions
and lots of wrestling
He taught me to do right, no matter what
and to confess when I was wrong
for that was the best way
when my heart was hurting
when struggles threaten to overwhelm
so often it was my dad with whom I'd want to share my heart
for hurting hearts, are handled gently in his hands
My dad showed me what a Heavenly Father's love is like
strong and powerful, boundaries for our good
and yet such a refuge when we are weak and failing
he made it easy to receive and follow and love God
even when I don't understand Him and need to wrestle
And yet I wonder why...
Why?
I'm sorry, I don't know why I did not quite see this so well before
With so many dads who abuse, abdicate, neglect, run
leaving so much brokenness in their path
why did I get a dad who did none of those things?
why did I get so much, when I came into this world?
I don't know why
and somehow almost feel guilty
I'm thankful for my dad
And broken and weeping for all those whose dads are missing
or turned betrayers or...
This comes with a prayer for the world,
and a prayer for fathers
May there be more men,
who realize the impact of who they are
who love and treasure their children
who give the next generation
a place to stand, a voice, a confidence,
courage to do right and live well,
and a place where it's okay to fall and fail,
and always
lots and lots of love.
Thank you Dad, for who you are, for always faithfully seeking to be the best dad you can be, for taking that responsibility so seriously, as a trust from your Father. I love you.
I didn't realize how lucky I was until I lived among many where it was so different. And today's reading of "A Father's Day Wish" also helped trigger these thoughts.
I find myself thankful, and wondering
I'm thankful for what I received
or rather, for who received me
when I came into this world
I had a dad who
loved me
treasured me
was proud of me
supported me
shared life wide open--
joys and struggles,
fears and frustrations
there were celebrations and confessions
and lots of wrestling
He taught me to do right, no matter what
and to confess when I was wrong
for that was the best way
when my heart was hurting
when struggles threaten to overwhelm
so often it was my dad with whom I'd want to share my heart
for hurting hearts, are handled gently in his hands
My dad showed me what a Heavenly Father's love is like
strong and powerful, boundaries for our good
and yet such a refuge when we are weak and failing
he made it easy to receive and follow and love God
even when I don't understand Him and need to wrestle
And yet I wonder why...
Why?
I'm sorry, I don't know why I did not quite see this so well before
With so many dads who abuse, abdicate, neglect, run
leaving so much brokenness in their path
why did I get a dad who did none of those things?
why did I get so much, when I came into this world?
I don't know why
and somehow almost feel guilty
I'm thankful for my dad
And broken and weeping for all those whose dads are missing
or turned betrayers or...
This comes with a prayer for the world,
and a prayer for fathers
May there be more men,
who realize the impact of who they are
who love and treasure their children
who give the next generation
a place to stand, a voice, a confidence,
courage to do right and live well,
and a place where it's okay to fall and fail,
and always
lots and lots of love.
Thank you Dad, for who you are, for always faithfully seeking to be the best dad you can be, for taking that responsibility so seriously, as a trust from your Father. I love you.
I didn't realize how lucky I was until I lived among many where it was so different. And today's reading of "A Father's Day Wish" also helped trigger these thoughts.
What is going on?
So many changes in the air
I received newsletters today--all announcing a change of direction or a move away
What's going on?
That baby she almost died last week. We took her in for diarrhea, and they found jaundice and pneumonia. We're glad for the diarrhea...but the sudden blood coming from her nose had me pleading for her life and clinging to promises I thought had been made.
What's going on?
We've done these grade 12 events before? We've been working together for a long time? Why is it not easier, more smooth? Why am I not doing better than this by now?
What's going on?
The intensity--the crises that come all at the same time--the baby, a call from a former student about her sister, other issues looming...
What's going on?
I MUST "seek first the Kingdom of God"...I must be in the word each day, praying each day, spending time with my Father. Time is short, life is stretched, but I must live abiding in Him through the days.
I received newsletters today--all announcing a change of direction or a move away
What's going on?
That baby she almost died last week. We took her in for diarrhea, and they found jaundice and pneumonia. We're glad for the diarrhea...but the sudden blood coming from her nose had me pleading for her life and clinging to promises I thought had been made.
What's going on?
We've done these grade 12 events before? We've been working together for a long time? Why is it not easier, more smooth? Why am I not doing better than this by now?
What's going on?
The intensity--the crises that come all at the same time--the baby, a call from a former student about her sister, other issues looming...
What's going on?
I MUST "seek first the Kingdom of God"...I must be in the word each day, praying each day, spending time with my Father. Time is short, life is stretched, but I must live abiding in Him through the days.
I still wonder
I wonder at You, Jesus
More and more it seems
Even after all the years I have known You
It seems I'm only just now
Starting to really understand
Last Saturday night
There she was, telling me off
Angry, ranting
Raising questions about my sense of responsibility
Suggesting my carelessness might cause her death
And the deaths of our students
Raising questions about my motives
All in front of staff, and students
Rudely interrupting an event we were trying to hold
Determined to believe some of her own false information
Making it impossible for us to continue
Putting me in a very awkward place
Yet ultimately making quite a spectacle of herself
Although I found I was shaking
And very angry, right after the event
It soon subsided
And I could see much more quickly
With Your eyes
I knew how You would be looking at her
Desiring above all ... reconciliation
You would have compassion and pity
For she is the one most hurt and torn up
By the bitterness, replays of offenses,
And refusal to forgive
And I could more quickly see my error
More quickly move to apologize
You...
Still amaze me
I still wonder at You
And...
I so want to be like You
More and more it seems
Even after all the years I have known You
It seems I'm only just now
Starting to really understand
Last Saturday night
There she was, telling me off
Angry, ranting
Raising questions about my sense of responsibility
Suggesting my carelessness might cause her death
And the deaths of our students
Raising questions about my motives
All in front of staff, and students
Rudely interrupting an event we were trying to hold
Determined to believe some of her own false information
Making it impossible for us to continue
Putting me in a very awkward place
Yet ultimately making quite a spectacle of herself
Although I found I was shaking
And very angry, right after the event
It soon subsided
And I could see much more quickly
With Your eyes
I knew how You would be looking at her
Desiring above all ... reconciliation
You would have compassion and pity
For she is the one most hurt and torn up
By the bitterness, replays of offenses,
And refusal to forgive
And I could more quickly see my error
More quickly move to apologize
You...
Still amaze me
I still wonder at You
And...
I so want to be like You
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