The Me I Don't Want to Be

I'm doing it now
Living it out
The life of the me I don't want to be

I thought
I've always strived to
Work out problems with others
If there is something wrong
Something I suspect in them
Or something bothering me
To bring it up
Try to talk
Try to work it out

But I'm not doing that now
Don't know how
Have tried
Doesn't seem to work
Aware that some or even much of the problem is in my heart
So why bother working it through with them
They aren't necessarily going to help
They don't feel safe for the process

How did I get here
Living like this

Now I understand how it happens

But how can I ... get beyond this?