I'm having a terrible time with something, and I think I need to find a discipline that will work for me, that will cause me to feel it, and CHANGE.
My problem, I keep running from focus on my work, to other internet surfing, chatting, etc. It's not bad stuff, it's just not the most effective stuff, and it is definitely not the most key priorities that God has called me to. He has entrusted to me precious time, and I fritter it away, and I keep doing it.
In one of those teaching messages by Dallas Willard I referred to earlier (I think it was #9--about church communities), he gives an example of a man who said he couldn't stop himself from raising his voice in discussion with his son (and wife too maybe)...it just happened, and it would escalate. Willard said, "Yes you can," just decide that every time you raise your voice that way you donate $5,000.00 to your wife's favourite charity, and the next time it happens, raise it by another $5,000.00. (This guy was in a situation where he had the kind of funds to do that sort of thing.) The point being--if he did this, he would start to feel the impact, become more aware, and change can happen.
So, me...I was thinking, I could have a plan...every time I go online when I shouldn't I could add X number of dollars to a fund to donate to something. But, that would have a conflicting effect for me because, well, it's GOOD to give more away, so...yeah, "sin more and give more." No! That's not the point!
But here is what would work. I'm going to buy a flat of eggs. And every time I go online when I shouldn't, I'm going to go and smash one of those eggs and throw it down the toilet. I will have a really hard time doing that. (Do you know, after coming here, and knowing people are hungry, and don't have enough money for good nutrition--I can no longer even have, for example, relay races with eggs on spoons, or anything else that wastes food.) It will be hard, but I think I need to do it. Only then might I finally realize more deeply what I'm doing when I waste this time.
Ah, it's horrible how I do this. Some reading this might remember my car accident last year, and how I knew this was the same lesson God was trying to teach me--how much I waste, how much of the resources given I waste through negligence, how much time I waste. And still, it hasn't gotten in.
A new spiritual discipline: throwing away eggs.