“Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm
to himself and to the community…But the reverse is also true: let him
who is not in community beware of being alone.”
–Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A good reminder today from Ruth Haley Barton and her summer series on Leading in Rhythm: Part 3 Leading in Rhythm: Solitude and Community. I've been getting out of whack in this--the extremes between solitude and "with people" can get a little too extreme in July, and I'm finding the way I do each needs work too. Solitude needs more intentional worship and life-giving, refreshing activity. Community--I need to more intentionally work out rhythms of how to be with the family of God in regular ways--challenging with different schedules and distance.
Thankful for the reminder, for the journey.
You Count Fish
“You pull in your life and you see that though you felt ripped open —- the net actually didn’t tear."
What this is about...Counting Fish.
Paradox, Mystery
You guide along the best paths for my life
and yet You are the path
I follow You
and You lead and direct
yet I don't know where I'm going
You speak to me
I know Your voice
and follow
but half the time I can't tell that I've really heard
know that I've really followed
but looking back
I see You have led on the best paths
it's foggy again
I remember a whole year of fog
so much doubting
if the voices I heard
if their voices were true
if their accusations were accurate
but yet...I just couldn't...turn
and finally the clarity came
and I realized those hesitations were from You
You had been leading
through the fog
can I trust now
that I know enough
that there is enough intuition
that is really Your voice
to go forward
even making choices that seem
stupid
reducing
in the end
will I look back
and see
Your leading
this is the journey
forever longing
for a city
we don't quite reach
for clarity on the journey
for Your guidance
to know You are guiding
it seems an impossible struggle at times
this yearning yet never reaching
walking, yet never seeing
yet You say
You will
walk close beside me
through the darkest valley
never leave me
an orphan
You say
You'll speak
and I will know Your voice
You care for me
will You
will You be present
will I know Your presence
will I hear Your voice
if You will
I could last through anything
for this is truly
my deepest longing
Your presence
and yet You are the path
I follow You
and You lead and direct
yet I don't know where I'm going
You speak to me
I know Your voice
and follow
but half the time I can't tell that I've really heard
know that I've really followed
but looking back
I see You have led on the best paths
it's foggy again
I remember a whole year of fog
so much doubting
if the voices I heard
if their voices were true
if their accusations were accurate
but yet...I just couldn't...turn
and finally the clarity came
and I realized those hesitations were from You
You had been leading
through the fog
can I trust now
that I know enough
that there is enough intuition
that is really Your voice
to go forward
even making choices that seem
stupid
reducing
in the end
will I look back
and see
Your leading
this is the journey
forever longing
for a city
we don't quite reach
for clarity on the journey
for Your guidance
to know You are guiding
it seems an impossible struggle at times
this yearning yet never reaching
walking, yet never seeing
yet You say
You will
walk close beside me
through the darkest valley
never leave me
an orphan
You say
You'll speak
and I will know Your voice
You care for me
will You
will You be present
will I know Your presence
will I hear Your voice
if You will
I could last through anything
for this is truly
my deepest longing
Your presence
Shepherd, pt 1
You
come openly
appropriately
know my name
lead me out
I
recognize You
know Your voice
come to You
hear Your call
and follow
because
I know Your voice
You
purpose to give
LIFE
a rich and satisfying life
(NOT steal, kill and destroy)
You
sacrifice Yourself
for me
You
will never abandon me
because You
really care
You
know me
and I
know You
together with the others
under Your watchful care
You know us
we know You
Jn. 10:1-16
come openly
appropriately
know my name
lead me out
I
recognize You
know Your voice
come to You
hear Your call
and follow
because
I know Your voice
You
purpose to give
LIFE
a rich and satisfying life
(NOT steal, kill and destroy)
You
sacrifice Yourself
for me
You
will never abandon me
because You
really care
You
know me
and I
know You
together with the others
under Your watchful care
You know us
we know You
Jn. 10:1-16
Grow Girls
Grow. Learn. Stand. Strong. Please.
The one found hiding under her bed in March, by working through a conflict with her team learned the value of communication. She learned to participate in the conversation, something she finds hard to do. And, "Thank you," she said, "for giving us this opportunity to learn. Outside of here there are no places to talk and learn about this stuff--sex, and guys, and how to build healthy relationships. Thank you."
The girl who introduce herself on Monday by saying she doesn't like to hang out with other people ended the week on Saturday saying, "Everyone needs friends."
The girl who had been in a not-so-good relationship--sleeping with her boyfriend since in junior high, lots of fights and jealousies--is asking lots of questions making new decisions trying to learn from mistakes. In the afternoon debate, she pointed to her wrist and said, "Would I have done this if it was good?" What was that about? How much more is there to her pain, her struggle?
One who wouldn't have attended unless being required to, found herself feeling positive and energetic. It started the day she shared her 'castle' drawing with her team. She was surprised at the way she felt. "I'm rarely optimistic and inspired about anything."
For many others it was learning about boundaries. I hope they really have learned, that they can, and need to say "no" at the right times, and "yes" at other times, and that they they do it--leading a healthy life.
Grow girls
in wisdom
in insight
in courage
grow strong
stand tall
show a different way to live
and share all you are
with others around you
LORD
please shine Your Light on these lives
break through the darkness
illuminate
birth life and hope
and all they really need.
The one found hiding under her bed in March, by working through a conflict with her team learned the value of communication. She learned to participate in the conversation, something she finds hard to do. And, "Thank you," she said, "for giving us this opportunity to learn. Outside of here there are no places to talk and learn about this stuff--sex, and guys, and how to build healthy relationships. Thank you."
The girl who introduce herself on Monday by saying she doesn't like to hang out with other people ended the week on Saturday saying, "Everyone needs friends."
The girl who had been in a not-so-good relationship--sleeping with her boyfriend since in junior high, lots of fights and jealousies--is asking lots of questions making new decisions trying to learn from mistakes. In the afternoon debate, she pointed to her wrist and said, "Would I have done this if it was good?" What was that about? How much more is there to her pain, her struggle?
One who wouldn't have attended unless being required to, found herself feeling positive and energetic. It started the day she shared her 'castle' drawing with her team. She was surprised at the way she felt. "I'm rarely optimistic and inspired about anything."
For many others it was learning about boundaries. I hope they really have learned, that they can, and need to say "no" at the right times, and "yes" at other times, and that they they do it--leading a healthy life.
Grow girls
in wisdom
in insight
in courage
grow strong
stand tall
show a different way to live
and share all you are
with others around you
LORD
please shine Your Light on these lives
break through the darkness
illuminate
birth life and hope
and all they really need.
Bread
Daily
Sustenance
Yesterday's
Not enough for today
Today's
Not enough for tomorrow
Jesus
Thank You
For freely offering
Freely giving
Daily
Your Presence
Your Life
To me
In me
I come
I receive
Bread of Life
Feed me
Daily
Nourish
In ways I cannot see
Strengthen
Sustain
May I never be hungry again
Jn. 6:35
Sustenance
Yesterday's
Not enough for today
Today's
Not enough for tomorrow
Jesus
Thank You
For freely offering
Freely giving
Daily
Your Presence
Your Life
To me
In me
I come
I receive
Bread of Life
Feed me
Daily
Nourish
In ways I cannot see
Strengthen
Sustain
May I never be hungry again
Jn. 6:35
Dreams...
So many dreams I've had through the years. Okay, maybe not all dreams, just ideas, and hopes, and ... well, dreams! By this point, I've let go of a lot of them, I know I can't do them all. I've had to narrow, to focus, to actually spend time and effort on what I can do, perhaps (hopefully) what I am most suited to do, and most able to do with the resources available.
Yet still, the dreams come, the ideas come. Maybe they aren't dreams of things I would carry out myself, but things I hope to see.
Recently the dreams are about the homeless, the wanderers, and the weak. There have been a bunch of 'new' homeless people in town. At least, then are new to me, the weren't there before. I wonder if folks have been kicked out of larger centers and are making their way to smaller places. One man hangs out by the closest garbage bins. He's often laughing, a strange crazy laugh.
I've had some fun times with that "crazy lady" lately--I don't want to call her that. I want to know her name, know her story. I've heard bits and pieces, and am not sure what is true. It seems...her husband was bitten by a snake and died. Her children (2 maybe) are not with her now. She says they've been taken away. I'm not sure what her problem is. She can be super annoying, talking non-stop nonsense and creating a disturbance--to what degree I don't know. I have seen her being pushed out of the police station by an angry and frustrated policeman, fighting with a shop keeper, and seen her swollen hand--a witness said another market vendor beat her. She's never been violent or dangerous with me. Once I was able to calm her down and remove her from the situation. Another time she was disturbing my plans. It just took about half an hour of listening, crazy chatting...patience. The other day she was downright funny--I laughed out loud several times as we walked to the clinic to ask the doctor to check her hand. I don't yet know her name, she doesn't clearly tell me what it is...I want to make up a good one for her...a nickname I guess.
The last two times I saw her she talked about selling land. That's another dream I've had... I've thought of buying our next centre, or buying land and building. Several times I've thought of some poor people living in shack houses on land, and wondered--is there a way to buy from them in a way that would preserve their portion, still give them a place to live? This lady--she also just needs someone with understanding to take care of her.
Today I thought of a city for the homeless, the weak. A city, or a community...where there are things to do, responsibilities and contribution according to ability, but people to help with the needs--the bathing, the feeding, and especially the protecting.
In the past, there were dreams of a home for the elderly, homes and ways for girls to leave prostitution. Orphanage dreams--oh that was one of the earliest dreams...long left behind.
I guess I dream of a new world, a new way. I dream of people with changed lives who are ALL somehow finding ways to do these things--as they go, with the people they see, the people they know. And I dream of seeing this here, and in this generation, not just in the happy every after.
And some of it is happening--people that take others in, reach out to their neighbour's brokenness, become a place of refuge, taking their friends to the Refuge they know.
These dreams, Lord--I know they are all Your will in heaven for how things should happen on earth. What am I to do with them as they come? Just live out parts of them in small simple ways, and encourage others to do the same? Are there some I should really pursue, instigate, or somehow otherwise support in the future? (yes, the future, not now...I know...)
Lead me Lord. May all Your dreams come true. Put in my heart the dreams You want me to live and follow, and spread.
Yet still, the dreams come, the ideas come. Maybe they aren't dreams of things I would carry out myself, but things I hope to see.
Recently the dreams are about the homeless, the wanderers, and the weak. There have been a bunch of 'new' homeless people in town. At least, then are new to me, the weren't there before. I wonder if folks have been kicked out of larger centers and are making their way to smaller places. One man hangs out by the closest garbage bins. He's often laughing, a strange crazy laugh.
I've had some fun times with that "crazy lady" lately--I don't want to call her that. I want to know her name, know her story. I've heard bits and pieces, and am not sure what is true. It seems...her husband was bitten by a snake and died. Her children (2 maybe) are not with her now. She says they've been taken away. I'm not sure what her problem is. She can be super annoying, talking non-stop nonsense and creating a disturbance--to what degree I don't know. I have seen her being pushed out of the police station by an angry and frustrated policeman, fighting with a shop keeper, and seen her swollen hand--a witness said another market vendor beat her. She's never been violent or dangerous with me. Once I was able to calm her down and remove her from the situation. Another time she was disturbing my plans. It just took about half an hour of listening, crazy chatting...patience. The other day she was downright funny--I laughed out loud several times as we walked to the clinic to ask the doctor to check her hand. I don't yet know her name, she doesn't clearly tell me what it is...I want to make up a good one for her...a nickname I guess.
The last two times I saw her she talked about selling land. That's another dream I've had... I've thought of buying our next centre, or buying land and building. Several times I've thought of some poor people living in shack houses on land, and wondered--is there a way to buy from them in a way that would preserve their portion, still give them a place to live? This lady--she also just needs someone with understanding to take care of her.
Today I thought of a city for the homeless, the weak. A city, or a community...where there are things to do, responsibilities and contribution according to ability, but people to help with the needs--the bathing, the feeding, and especially the protecting.
In the past, there were dreams of a home for the elderly, homes and ways for girls to leave prostitution. Orphanage dreams--oh that was one of the earliest dreams...long left behind.
I guess I dream of a new world, a new way. I dream of people with changed lives who are ALL somehow finding ways to do these things--as they go, with the people they see, the people they know. And I dream of seeing this here, and in this generation, not just in the happy every after.
And some of it is happening--people that take others in, reach out to their neighbour's brokenness, become a place of refuge, taking their friends to the Refuge they know.
These dreams, Lord--I know they are all Your will in heaven for how things should happen on earth. What am I to do with them as they come? Just live out parts of them in small simple ways, and encourage others to do the same? Are there some I should really pursue, instigate, or somehow otherwise support in the future? (yes, the future, not now...I know...)
Lead me Lord. May all Your dreams come true. Put in my heart the dreams You want me to live and follow, and spread.
How do I love You?
You say I must love You with all my heart and soul and mind and strength. This has been my meditation for the past two days, and numerous times in the past as well. But...how do I love You?
Last week, coming home on a bus, after a busy weekend, pondering the ways You had once again provided, once again shown me I did not need to fret... As I gazed on the beauty around me, from my heart welled an, "Ah, I love You God." It doesn't happen for me like that very often--that feeling welling up, that immediate awareness...but does that mean I don't love You those other times?
The second command, is like the first, I must love my neighbour as myself. I think, when I love my neighbour, I'm loving You, and sometimes maybe I can see how to do this one better than the first, yet I'm often horrible at this one too.
I loved her last night, but it was You in me loving her. That I noticed her, went over and put my arm around her, wanted to talk with her, even though it was late...I don't know why, I think it was You. The 'crazy lady' ...but she was "in her right mind" last night, easier than usual to talk to her and be with her. And then I noticed her hand, or maybe it was You that noticed--the infection in the wound, and though it was late, we did the hot salt-water compresses, then antibiotic ointment and bandage. It was You loving her and me loving You as I loved "the least of these". How is it me loving You when it is first You loving me and compelling love?
So...how do I love You?
Today I remembered a Misty Edwards song, and in looking for that one, found an even better one: "Simple Devotion". Ah, this I can do...maybe this is my love for You.
All I can do...is to keep coming, attempting to "stir up my soul to lay hold of You", and ...You receive it. This song--You looking "over the balcony of heaven," is that how excited You get, over my feeble attempts at loving You? But, from the beginning to the end, it is You that compels and completes it, so...how is it me loving You? How do I love You?
In this lifetime Lord, may I learn to love You.
Misty Edwards
Last week, coming home on a bus, after a busy weekend, pondering the ways You had once again provided, once again shown me I did not need to fret... As I gazed on the beauty around me, from my heart welled an, "Ah, I love You God." It doesn't happen for me like that very often--that feeling welling up, that immediate awareness...but does that mean I don't love You those other times?
The second command, is like the first, I must love my neighbour as myself. I think, when I love my neighbour, I'm loving You, and sometimes maybe I can see how to do this one better than the first, yet I'm often horrible at this one too.
I loved her last night, but it was You in me loving her. That I noticed her, went over and put my arm around her, wanted to talk with her, even though it was late...I don't know why, I think it was You. The 'crazy lady' ...but she was "in her right mind" last night, easier than usual to talk to her and be with her. And then I noticed her hand, or maybe it was You that noticed--the infection in the wound, and though it was late, we did the hot salt-water compresses, then antibiotic ointment and bandage. It was You loving her and me loving You as I loved "the least of these". How is it me loving You when it is first You loving me and compelling love?
So...how do I love You?
Today I remembered a Misty Edwards song, and in looking for that one, found an even better one: "Simple Devotion". Ah, this I can do...maybe this is my love for You.
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of that
which I cannot comprehend
...
this is my simple devotion
my walk of faith, day by day
All I can do...is to keep coming, attempting to "stir up my soul to lay hold of You", and ...You receive it. This song--You looking "over the balcony of heaven," is that how excited You get, over my feeble attempts at loving You? But, from the beginning to the end, it is You that compels and completes it, so...how is it me loving You? How do I love You?
In this lifetime Lord, may I learn to love You.
Misty Edwards
Simple Devotion (Listen and watch here)
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of
That which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again
And then I'll just lean into sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
And I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again
And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
"O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She's gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!"
Over and over and over and over again..."
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of
That which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again
And then I'll just lean into sovereignty
I'll embrace a mystery
And I'll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again
And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
"O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She's gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!"
Over and over and over and over again..."
Jesus Wept
You enter into our pain
our confusion
You feel our sorrow
and are not indifferent
I know You see from a bigger
and broader perspective
If I knew what You know
maybe I would not be weeping now
But You know I don't
and are willing to sit here
with me
weep with me
in the ache of the waiting...unknowing
Do You also weep at the things that hurt us
undone by our own undoing
Even then You are not unmoved
and come to our rescue
for we cannot rescue ourselves
Jn. 11:35 (1-44)
our confusion
You feel our sorrow
and are not indifferent
I know You see from a bigger
and broader perspective
If I knew what You know
maybe I would not be weeping now
But You know I don't
and are willing to sit here
with me
weep with me
in the ache of the waiting...unknowing
Do You also weep at the things that hurt us
undone by our own undoing
Even then You are not unmoved
and come to our rescue
for we cannot rescue ourselves
Jn. 11:35 (1-44)
Rejoice for God is with us!
Yes, today was the first day this year to deliberately play Christmas music, so I guess it's the start of the Christmas season! (It can be as early as May or June for me, or as late as October.) This song brings a smile to my face every time I hear it, and it did again today.
"Rejoice for God is with us!"
The greatest thing
is to Serve
sacrifice
give
patiently listen
patiently teach
pray
notice
offer a presence
that allows her to weep
then pray again
give again
listen again
"The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them...
It shall not be so among you.
But whoever would be great among you
must be your servant,
and whoever would be first among you
must be your slave,
even as the Son of Man
came not to be served
but to serve,
and to give His life
as a ransom for many."
Mt. 20:25-29
It shall not be so among you.
But whoever would be great among you
must be your servant,
and whoever would be first among you
must be your slave,
even as the Son of Man
came not to be served
but to serve,
and to give His life
as a ransom for many."
Mt. 20:25-29
Like a child
Like a child I come
Receiving the Kingdom of God
Like a child
Joyful
Expectant
Daily
Trusting
Your goodness
Your faithfulness
Looking to You
Eager to please
Thankful
Not needing
Long term plans
Full explanations
Like a child
I give my heart
Receive Your love
Live at peace
Lk. 18:15-17
Get over it!
I have discovered--I get discouraged when people back out of things they have committed to. But...when facilitating and coordinating many people, there are bound to be some that back out! So...get over it! Some have valid reasons--under those circumstances I would back out too. Some don't, in my mind, have a "valid" reason--they should have pushed through, worked to find a way. But they all need to receive grace. None should be permanently judged or feel they need to grovel because of it. I can get that part right...
Yet still, it is discouraging. I want to find a way to buffer my emotions, to not feel the blow. And, it is so unbalanced. Do I see, do I notice, all those who did not back out? What about those who not only didn't back out, but gave more than was asked, more than was expected, without complaining, still giving? Did that give an even bigger "lift" to counter the "low"?
What is going on inside of me that it hits so hard? What are my beliefs about life, about God, reflected in this? Maybe it's not about beliefs, but more about fears...fears confirmed. Which fears?
Still...
Until I figure it out
Get over it!
Look for the good
Be thankful for all that is
Learn to bounce back quickly, but not bitter
Don't spend so much time grieving the loss and disappointments
Cherish the team
Learn from mistakes
Just get over it
Move on
(Maybe if I say it enough times I'll learn to do it)
Yet still, it is discouraging. I want to find a way to buffer my emotions, to not feel the blow. And, it is so unbalanced. Do I see, do I notice, all those who did not back out? What about those who not only didn't back out, but gave more than was asked, more than was expected, without complaining, still giving? Did that give an even bigger "lift" to counter the "low"?
What is going on inside of me that it hits so hard? What are my beliefs about life, about God, reflected in this? Maybe it's not about beliefs, but more about fears...fears confirmed. Which fears?
Still...
Until I figure it out
Get over it!
Look for the good
Be thankful for all that is
Learn to bounce back quickly, but not bitter
Don't spend so much time grieving the loss and disappointments
Cherish the team
Learn from mistakes
Just get over it
Move on
(Maybe if I say it enough times I'll learn to do it)
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