Places of Safety

Why are they so hard
to find
to maintain

There I have been 
times
seasons
when there were several
Places of safety
Places of acceptance
Places of love
Where I was and felt loved
For who I was
and in that place
In those seasons
there was freedom to flesh out
the worst of me
and somehow
also be and become
the best of me
there was a "flourishing" to life

But those times and places 
are so fleeting
There might be one
and then one day I realize
it is gone
It might happen through a specific problem
But more often
it just happens
The relationship fades
Or maybe just the active cultivating has faded
and at some point 
I realize

How quickly life
and the "atmosphere"
can change
from safety 
to
lack

And then
so many things eem to happen, 
none of them fully true
or fully an expression of the reality
but pieces of
   being lost, directionless
   pulling inside myself
   building walls, hiding behind them
   running, in all the ways I run
And while I watch it happening
not liking it while it does
often a lesser me
lives in this world.

(Another...in drafts, rediscovered May 30, 2018, and posted then. Maybe the distance of time makes it more 'safe' to post.)

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