This Life

This life
These years
Forty-five now
Little sis posted, and reminded me
I wasn't supposed to live
Or, there were supposed to be "severe delays" if I made it
I've always joked about those "delays"
The reason I'm not "normal'

But this is part of my story
You let me live
And I was almost hit by a car at four
But I wasn't, I lived

There maybe be more times
Many more times
You let me live
You arranged for me to live

Let me live
Let me live for Your glory
Accomplish through me things that wouldn't have happened otherwise
Let there be things that happen on this planet, in lives
That would not otherwise have happened
But did
Because You gave me life
And because You lived in me
And because You led, and You guided and You empowered
And You accomplished
Many of the good things You wanted to do
Through my willing hands and surrendered heart

Let this be the story that is told
Let this be the truth that is lived
Oh, it's not fully now
And it's not fully yet
But it is still possible
Because You are
  Redeemer
  Strength
  The One who shines through broken jars

Take this life of mine
Past
Present
Future
What was
What is
All that will be
Take it
Form it
Do something amazing

Empower
Strengthen
Emblazen
Let Your mark be on this life
Let Your light be what shines
Let Your breath
Breathe hope and life into these wasted bones and sinews
And then through me to them
To and for this broken world
These precious lives

May this life
Be all You intended it to be!

Maybe

Maybe there's a strong that feels...weak
Maybe there's a victorious that doesn't feel at all triumphant
Maybe there's a successful that feels...lost, wandering, all over the place

Maybe things are not at all what they seem

(Dec. 16, 2014)

The invitation

written Dec. 1, 2014

Pulling
Drawing
What are you pulling me
into
towards

A new level of abandon
commitment
surrender

How
Why
I don't understand it
It just seems that all that has happened
Is working together towards something...

Satan won...

Satan won
this time
for now
over this life

He convinced her
time and again
that she was unloved
It was the lie she believed
misconstrued
from many events
and to which she finally succumbed

What blocked the way
Why was she not able to come to healing
Why was there no way through

He also seemed to convince her that
there was no way out
there was no one she could talk to
she needed to build distance
and keep it inside

Yes, if he could convince her
to hold it inside
to not be open about her pain
to not ask for serious help
then he could weaken her

What happened in those final moments
We may never know
What finally snapped
What finally won

What went right all those other times
Why she kept on...

But finally
she did it
took her life
and left her husband
and boys
and parents
and siblings
aching
wondering

Yes, his mark is all over this
the prints of the one who comes and loves
to steal, kill and destroy

Much has been destroyed
Hope is gone
hope for
reconciliation
forgiveness
holidays spent together
a family whole at significant times

Yes, Satan, you surely dealt a blow
that will be felt for a long time

But know this
This is not the end of the story
And hope still remains