When I hide

I hide
I do
I try not to
I try to deal with things
Work things out with people
Find analogies that work
Come to understanding and healing

And often that works
And as a result
I have some very amazing friendships
With freedom
And fun
And grace
And understanding
We go deep, very deep
It's not strange
For there to be tears
Because we go to those places
But it is good
Very good

But sometimes
I just don't know what to do

And when the confusion is too much
And the 'trying' doesn't look like it is going to get anywhere
I back away
Turn off
Tune out

And then...I just don't think about it
I don't go there
It's easier
Than anything else

When I hide
This is why
I've tried to offer
The best of me
And failed
All you got or felt
Was the worst

What's left?
Why bother?
How should I engage?
When every question I ask myself
Or God
Brings no clear response
I stop
Turn off
Tune out
Oh, I don't ignore the person
And I'm not rude
I simply stop initiating
In that relationship
It's easier (it seems)
And better (perhaps)
To find a way to go on
Than to sit in that darkness
Spend the hours in confusion
And hurt
When nothing can be done

This is why I hide
How I hide
When I hide

I wonder
If I can learn
A better way
To sit before God with it all
I've tried
We'll see

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