Maybe I am
finally
starting to feel again
I've been
I've felt
disconnected
for so long
Disconnected
from me
from feeling much of anything
rather numb, I guess
and I've wondered why
I still don't know why
not completely
I suspect it's related to this rather long season
a big transition
with many
aspects
choices
tensions
Perhaps in the process
living with a constant undercurrent
of tension
so many decisions
so many unknowns
Maybe
sometimes
I don't let myself feel
lest the feelings overwhelm
and drown me
Now
maybe I'm moving again
into a place where I can breathe, again
I can figure out what it means to be me, again
get excited about going forward, again
maybe...
But for now
I'm thankful
I can sense
I'm starting to feel again
Feel
the pain of situations happening far away
the loneliness of missing family
Even
some of that overwhelm again
No, the overwhelm, is not fun
there is so much ahead
so much to face
so much to learn how to do
so many to whom I am responsible
so many directions in which my head goes
But with the overwhelm
at least there is something to figure out
and face
At least I'm not just in denial
shut down
Perhaps, in the feeling again
I can even
once again
start to feel
connected to God, again
and I think...that's what I've missed most