When I come

When I stop
When I come
When I finally pull away
From all that distracts

And
    finally
        get quiet

Then I weep

Is that why I don't come?
Is that why I stay distracted?
Is there something
    deep down
        not resolved
            that keeps me running?

What is it Lord?
Here I am
I'm trying to come today
    and stay
        not run

I wonder what you might say
I wonder if there will be more
    than tears

I wonder if you might reveal
and give strength

How I need you to change my heart
    make it new
Make it one that leans into  you
That wants to do
    all that is good

For now
Please help me to come
    each day
Keep coming
    keep shutting down the distractions
That I might hear you
    and gain perspective
And know again
    what is real
    what is not

Daily Dying...

Jesus, you ask me to die to self
To die daily
And I don't want to
So I don't

Actually, I forgot that you asked
I heard it, and did it...before
But...got out of the habit
And find
I don't want to...anymore

Actually
(another 'actually')
You didn't "ask"
You required
It's not optional

    for God bought you with a high price. 
    So you must honor God with your body (I Cor. 6:20)

Forgive me Lord
Help me to turn
To live new
Create in me a new heart
One the values what You do
That lives for the eternal
That willing lays itself down

What will I lose...

What will I lose
if I go through this day
(and maybe the next one too)
without stopping
coming
sitting at Your feet
pausing to look
listen
share

Do I really believe
that what You are doing in this world
and in me
is more important than anything else

If it is
then the risk I take
in not coming
is of living
   wasted
   and frustrated
fighting against the wind
engaged in battles that will win nothing I want

I could miss
what You want to say to me today
You, who know all that will happen,
perhaps You have something to say
that I need to know
before I get into it
perhaps You have guidance
to help me navigate better
perhaps You just want to help me be rooted in You
so that no matter what happens
I'm not shaken

How many times do I live 
   agitated
   frustrated
   confused
because I am lacking the perspective and insight and fortitude
You had been all ready to give me

And I will be lost
drifting without an anchor
scattered
fractured
stressing and agitated in every direction
unless I come
and drink 
and learn
from You
that which will calm me
center me

What will I lose
what do I lose
time and again

When will I learn
and choose 
to turn
to come
to sit
still
and listen

By what I gain
I will start to know
the measure I would have lost
had I not come
and gain 
much I do not want to lose