It's amazing what hits
Each time it's different
So unexpected
I wanted to see something new
Something fresh
I wanted to be amazed at You
once again
Jesus
I have been amazed
Every day
Every morning
(well almost)
You have been speaking
And close
In the most amazing ways
But I wanted to be hit again
By Easter
The passion
The resurrection
Good Friday
I was watching The Gospel of John
With a friend
More concerned about helping her understand
Than able to hear for me
But it was good
I've sensed her yearning
And wanted to spend such time with her
For a long time
Today, Easter Sunday
With the young ones
Each shared
Both the blessing
And the struggle
In the journey
Of knowing You
It's the struggle part for which I yearn
Those who don't know if they believe or not
Can't feel You near
Wonder why You would abandon
I so long for them to seek further
In the doubt
Bring the questions boldly
Like Thomas
"Unless...
I will not believe"
I love that You came to him
I love how You came to him
I'd never seen this movie portrayal before
And I wept
Thank You Jesus
How You come to us
In our doubt
In our confusion
In the midst of all our struggles
Hardly daring to trust
You're not offended or put off
Or above stooping down
To our doubt and ignorance
And reveal
Once again
You know
You care
You love
The next phase of the Journey
I have just finished Ingatius's "Week 1" in The Journey with Jesus. The five weeks there have been good, deepening. Now I head into "Week 2" and 15 weeks entering the life of Jesus up to the cross, coming closer, understanding more, hearing once again, and more deeply and fully, His invitation to follow.
In this transition, suddenly comes an awe, a holy fear. It started yesterday, with Preston's blog post (Thank you, Preston!); it was this line that did it: "but King Jesus has a sword coming out of his mouth". This Journey had me read that passage in Revelation back in November. I called it the "freaky Jesus"--the picture that came to mind then--not the soft gentle appealing and kind Jesus that I often think of, but this Jesus too, is true.
I've struggled with distraction. About the Sabbath, Isaiah 58:13 says to honour it, "by not going your own way and not doing as you please..." Yesterday was my "Sabbath", but I did a lot of "what I please". Today, before the time of prayer, I suddenly thought: What would Jesus say to all my excuses? What would happen if He showed up before me here and now? Would the excuses fly, convince Him, impress Him? I doubt it.
Today's prep for the next section had me read Mark 1-10 in one sitting. Later I wrote:
You are completely "other"
Teaching, healing
No one could predict You
or demand You do it their way
But You are full of compassion and patience
I find myself among the disciples
Like them I am eager to follow
Like them I also get off track
Find other priorities compete, or
do not fully understand Yours
Like them, I need You to teach me
Teach me, Lord,
as I come to the next phase of the journey
And at the end
May I not be like those
Who found the cost too great
and turned away
May I be counted among those
still following
You ahead
Me behind
Amazed and maybe afraid
But following.
And then, this afternoon I discovered this song. (Thanks Wendy--for having it on your player)
I listen...and something like a holy fear descends...if I can even pretend to know what that means. (listen...lyrics below)
What do I Know of Holy
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
Thank You Jesus, for calling me to this journey. I do not know where I will be or what I will be like at the end of it, but I want nothing else.
Thank you M.A., J.&A.W., for journeying together. I knew I would need others to make it, I'm so glad He called you along too. I love hearing your experiences--the same journey, but so different for each of us. Don't stop. Press on. Remember, all we need to do is present ourselves, and let Him lead and teach.
And thank you S.A.M., my new friend, sister, spiritual director--you've given a gentle and firm vision of what His "no excuses" looks like, affirmed the journey, and helped strengthen the hope that I'll make it through.
In this transition, suddenly comes an awe, a holy fear. It started yesterday, with Preston's blog post (Thank you, Preston!); it was this line that did it: "but King Jesus has a sword coming out of his mouth". This Journey had me read that passage in Revelation back in November. I called it the "freaky Jesus"--the picture that came to mind then--not the soft gentle appealing and kind Jesus that I often think of, but this Jesus too, is true.
I've struggled with distraction. About the Sabbath, Isaiah 58:13 says to honour it, "by not going your own way and not doing as you please..." Yesterday was my "Sabbath", but I did a lot of "what I please". Today, before the time of prayer, I suddenly thought: What would Jesus say to all my excuses? What would happen if He showed up before me here and now? Would the excuses fly, convince Him, impress Him? I doubt it.
Today's prep for the next section had me read Mark 1-10 in one sitting. Later I wrote:
You are completely "other"
Teaching, healing
No one could predict You
or demand You do it their way
But You are full of compassion and patience
I find myself among the disciples
Like them I am eager to follow
Like them I also get off track
Find other priorities compete, or
do not fully understand Yours
Like them, I need You to teach me
Teach me, Lord,
as I come to the next phase of the journey
And at the end
May I not be like those
Who found the cost too great
and turned away
May I be counted among those
still following
You ahead
Me behind
Amazed and maybe afraid
But following.
And then, this afternoon I discovered this song. (Thanks Wendy--for having it on your player)
I listen...and something like a holy fear descends...if I can even pretend to know what that means. (listen...lyrics below)
What do I Know of Holy
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
Thank You Jesus, for calling me to this journey. I do not know where I will be or what I will be like at the end of it, but I want nothing else.
Thank you M.A., J.&A.W., for journeying together. I knew I would need others to make it, I'm so glad He called you along too. I love hearing your experiences--the same journey, but so different for each of us. Don't stop. Press on. Remember, all we need to do is present ourselves, and let Him lead and teach.
And thank you S.A.M., my new friend, sister, spiritual director--you've given a gentle and firm vision of what His "no excuses" looks like, affirmed the journey, and helped strengthen the hope that I'll make it through.
Isaiah 58
Blessed with this chapter on Feb. 13, 2013, it came to life two days later, the 15 & 16, and has hitting me ever since. I think it is my new call, new vision, and perhaps it will be the guidance for the next season...I don't know how many years.
True and False Worship
58
1 “Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast.
Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
Tell my people Israel of their sins!
2 Yet they act so pious!
They come to the Temple every day
and seem delighted to learn all about me.
They act like a righteous nation
that would never abandon the laws of its God.
They ask me to take action on their behalf,
pretending they want to be near me.
3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’
Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
Tell my people Israel of their sins!
2 Yet they act so pious!
They come to the Temple every day
and seem delighted to learn all about me.
They act like a righteous nation
that would never abandon the laws of its God.
They ask me to take action on their behalf,
pretending they want to be near me.
3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’
“I will tell you why!” I respond.
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
4 What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
5 You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
4 What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
5 You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?
6 “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.
8 “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
9 Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
9 Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.
“Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
10 Feed the hungry,
and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
12 Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.
Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
10 Feed the hungry,
and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
12 Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.
13 “Keep the Sabbath day holy.
Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
but enjoy the Sabbath
and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
14 Then the Lord will be your delight.
I will give you great honor
and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”
Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
but enjoy the Sabbath
and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
14 Then the Lord will be your delight.
I will give you great honor
and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”
Learning to Trust
I've followed You
I've believed in You
And I've trusted You
With my life
With my choices
Almost all of my life
And yet
I am only learning to trust You now
I've believed in You
And I've trusted You
With my life
With my choices
Almost all of my life
And yet
I am only learning to trust You now
Exposed
here I am LORD
a little fragile
a little vulnerable
open and exposed
I've shared my life my soul
it was well-received
and gently cared for
yet now I am alone
and
yearning
a little fearful
doubting
the let down
leaves me vulnerable
a little needy
I turn to You
my only rock
my only companion
through this life
hold me LORD
I'm here
held in your loving arms
Thank you friends who share your lives with me, and let me share my life and heart with you too.
a little fragile
a little vulnerable
open and exposed
I've shared my life my soul
it was well-received
and gently cared for
yet now I am alone
and
yearning
a little fearful
doubting
the let down
leaves me vulnerable
a little needy
I turn to You
my only rock
my only companion
through this life
hold me LORD
I'm here
held in your loving arms
Thank you friends who share your lives with me, and let me share my life and heart with you too.
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