I thought...

I called it "Enjoying the Journey."  I thought I was.  I thought I did.  I thought I lived a life of choosing joy.  I wanted to.  I really did.

Lately though my journal has said, "Please, Give me back my joy," and I've found myself looking for and lurking at blogs that talk about Recovering Joy.

I re-read earlier posts on this blog.  I like them.  They bring joy...well, some.

So, I am on a quest again.  Perhaps it is still the same quest--a life joyfully lived.  These days I'm quite far it seems.  Joy is hard to come by, harder to choose.  And I find I often ... don't give joy, and then that brings tears, of regret.

But I have a God, I know a Shepherd, who is a giver of joy.  I know a God who loves me no matter what state of success or failure I find myself in.  In it all He finds me, He loves me, and He holds out a hope and a future that I do not know and that I have not yet attained. 

Through this valley, He will guide.  He will not let me go.  

May I be refined.  May I be deeply changed (it is so needed).

And someday, may I live in joy again.

Natural, easy-flowing, contagious, authentic ... joy.

Enough Already!

How many times?
When does it become fully YOUR responsibility?
I have patiently explained so many times.
When is enough enough?
This is not my issue, it's yours.
This is not a mess I made. You did it.
Do you really want to go forward?
Is this just me pushing because somehow I need for you to change
I need for you to succeed
...that would be pretty sick.

Do you really not understand?
Is it really not clear yet?

Or is it that you have not really decided to go forward?
Are you playing that game again?


When will I feel I can trust you?
Will it ever happen?



I could put it down and walk away