What will I do...

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?"

--Mary Oliver

Here I am, moving more fully into a huge life transition.

Tired.
In some ways I'm so tired.

Tired of life here, of what I've been doing.

It really IS time for a change.

So then... it has surprised me, what with being so tired and all. 

To find passion rising up inside this heart of mine.
Time and again, in various situations.
(Okay, mostly via books I'm reading or listening to.)

I realize...I still want to do a lot of stuff.

I still want to 'change the world'!

I turn 50 next year.
In my 50th year I'll move to the other side of this transition.
(What a great way to celebrate half a century!)

And yet I feel like I did ... in high school, in university.

So many choices, so many options, so many hopes and dreams.

Wondering what will happen, what I should choose
Hoping...I can somehow make a difference with my life.

Also moments of feeling--so inadequate, so not skilled for some of the areas in which I'd love to participate in working for change.  

I will continue to wait and ponder as I go through this season.

I want to land doing something that relieves pain, brings healing, reduces injustice, brings blessing.

And I'd preferably like to do something that comes out of some of my particular gifts and abilities.

Ah, I'm still yearning for the things I yearned for when I was 15. 

That's okay I guess. 

It shows I'm not dead yet. 

And...that's a bit of a relief.

I first discovered this quote in the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less,  by Greg McKeowen