it just got personal

I just heard
a friend tested HIV positive
I was just about to write "a friend has AIDS"
but I guess it's not the same thing
I know it is not
shows how little I'm really connected to these diseases
how far away I've been
it's all been limited "head knowledge"
but that is about to change

a weird situation
I know before the patient
and before his wife
am part of the discussion about how to tell them
but what do I know?

HIV positive 
I wonder what this will mean
for him
for his family
for the church
I wonder how he got it
how long he's had it
they will be wondering and asking all these questions
hopefully the doctor will tell them
with lots of answers
and lots of compassion

how many people will they tell
how will others react

what a blow
their lives will be forever changed

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy

update:  An initial test looked positive, another turned up negative, waiting for the official results from the disease control centre.

a Franciscan blessing

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, 

half truths and superficial relationships, 

so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, 

oppression and exploitation of people, 

so that you make work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer 

from pain rejection, starvation and war, 

so that you may turn your hand to comfort them 

and turn their pain to joy, and

May God bless you with enough foolishness 

to believe that you can make a difference in this world,

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Come Crawling

There she was
Desperate, needy
"if only I can touch Him"
She had tried everything else
All to no avail
Each time
Hope
Shattered

But still seeking
hoping
after 12 long years
this time it would be different
If only she could touch Him

I too come crawling
Seeking healing
Desperate
Don't dare to come too boldly
Not sure what I'd see in Your eyes
Or the eyes of others
If I came openly
Too afraid
Too ashamed
Yet
So needy
Nothing else has worked
And believe me, I've tried
I seek
A touch
A release from this misery
hoping
after several long years
that this time it will be different

(Luke 8)

This river--16 years

It was just over 16 years ago
I had not yet moved to this town
this county
when I first rode this river
marvelling at the bamboo
wondering
what was to be

I had no clue 
what the move 2 months later would bring
wondered if I would survive
if I would be incredibly lonely
the contract was just for a year
I could survive that long
and leave afterwards

but I stayed
and stayed
and now 16 years have come and gone
I'm on the river again

16 years ago
on the river 
surrounded by others
strangers, inviting me 
to be friend and colleague
one especially who 
opened the door and made a path

Now I am the host
surrounded again
by those invited
to be friends and colleagues
former strangers
now inviting others

Once again I am surrounded
and wonder

Where will they go from here
these students who are leaving
they're still making their plans
setting direction
and finding companions for the journey
they keep choosing one guy
To be the friend with whom they share
and challenge
and walk
looking for ways to really make it
and live a life of depth
and honour
a life worth emulating

And I wonder
where will we go from here
my colleagues and I
we're exhausted
we've run hard
worked hard
developed something 
these past 3 years
the main parts
a complete 3-year program
all there now

But do we have what it takes to go forward?
the energy and heart, the passion
the skills
the commitment
I don't want to pour into a sieve
or a funnel
unless that is what it is supposed to be

this river
if we go on
there will be annual trips
celebrating with each group of grads that choose to 
"lead yourself, lead others"

the last 16 years
passed in a blink
the next will too
but where this river will take me
how many times I'll re-visit
only God knows

Lord,
Creator of this river
You who know it's source
and where it goes
Lead my life
All my days
As I follow
and wonder
 
 
 

The Fire

Forever now
lives will be marked
everything
either before or after
the fire

The stuff insurance covered
The stuff bought
the places lived
after the fire
the few things found
surprised 
by water bottles, tomatoes and photos
couldn't imagine it had survived
from before the fire

Burned, charred
Lost, confused
Hurt ... so much was lost
Shaken ... how do we regain
Overwhelmed, yet trying to be hopeful

And yes, thankful for what was not lost
What is most precious
from before
is still here after
husband, wife, daddy, mommy, daughters, sisters
lives
family
And God
somehow holding us all

The fire
what is this mark
this standing stone
this altar
it stands

and I wonder 

For S&T.W.--I hold you up in my prayers...and wonder...


 

In You I take refuge

"O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge..."  Ps. 7:1

So many mornings I rush into the day
I try to first spend time with You
To turn to You
Read Your word
Listen
But I get so distracted, not focused

Today I've been able to focus
Not run to other things--internet browsing etc
(Even able to ignore reading some text messages, till after)
But now as the time comes to an end
I start to feel anxious
All the things that need to be done in these two days
And the feeling that there are too many I have not yet thought of
Come rushing in

But God, here, now, in You I take refuge
I turn to you, I ask You God
to lead this day
to show the way
to point me to Your solutions

And I trust God
That I, that my needs are not hidden from You
In love and compassion and mercy You are watching me
You are looking on in love and compassion and mercy
Guiding, protecting
Enough of what needs to happen will happen

Lead me Lord
In Your mercy and grace
Help me to trust


Written Aug 3, 2012, Psalm 7 & 8 were the readings at 2 Years of Psalms this week.

I'm counting on it!

Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.

ps. 9:10 NLT

This is one of the verses I have landed on and clung to again and again throughout the years. There are a few of them in the Psalms. Psalm 25:3 says, "No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame" (NIV). When struggling, when nearing despair, when wondering where the answers might be, when overwhelmed by the challenges, I've often come back to this verse and cried out to God--You said it...I'm relying on it.

I'm there again today
I don't know what to do
what direction to turn
A breakthrough is desparately needed
One I've been looking for for a long time

And so I turn to You God
I turn to You, again, still
I put my hope in You
in Your love
in Your goodness
and choose to believe that
in turning to You
I will not be put to shame
I will not be abandoned

(Psalm 9 is the reading for this week at 2 Years of Psalms, I jumped on this verse and grabbed it!)