Ode to Baby Goose, at 14 weeks

Baby Goose can grimace and squint
Grimace at what?
Squint at what?
Mom and Dad and all that smoochin’ – grimace, EMBARASSING!
Great big world out there, what’s it about? What will I find? How will I navigate? – squint

Baby Goose can frown
Frown at what?
Does he already know…there will be pain?
Does she already sense…it won’t be easy?
Yes, there will be
Yes, it won’t be
Frown

Baby Goose can pee and suck his/her thumb
Ah, relief
Consolation
Life’s hard, but…
Oh wait, maybe he pees his pants when
she gets real excited
or she gets surprised!
Anyway,
Peeing is a relief,
Especially when no one else can see
Like peeing in the swimming pool.
Like peeing in mommy’s tummy
Ah nice.
(kind of extra warm then too!)

And in the end
Baby Goose can curl up and suck his thumb
She is at peace
He knows he is loved
She knows she is safe
Mommy and Daddy…
Love so much
Will do so much
To give him everything he needs
To do great in the life she will live
And know the God who will give him/her the peace she needs

So Baby Goose—press on
Grimace and squint,
Frown and pee and suck your thumb.
And learn to live loved, and at peace
In this life that is hard, and exciting, and surprising and…
Yes, a life of peace—crazy all around,
But safe in the arms of God.
That’s how life is for you now.
That’s how it can always be.


Last week little sis (Goose) sent the update of how baby is growing inside of her, and out popped this poem! I hope it finds it's way into the baby book.  Must be a page for "Baby's first poem".

When you want to change the world, but keep stumbling over yourself

I need to learn to live slow
Slow in responses
Slow in speaking
God, slow me down
Teach me to be reflective
To not always be so excited 
to engage the discussion, the process
It's not always the best thing

Tomorrow

Tomorrow
I'd like to find the good
I want to see everything positive in those around me
I want to affirm every good effort
I want to praise every good choice
I want to celebrate every unique expression
I want to love the variety
I want to laugh and blow off the mistakes
I want to lift and support
I want to breath life and joy
I want to live free help others live free

I'm going to need help for this...

The difference between 'okay' and 'good'

When will I learn
It doesn't really matter
It's probably not worth it

A document...a notice for the students
Three all checked it, said it was okay
I looked at it
And started making changes
Just small at first
Jumped right in...
What about this, and this and this
Tracking changes all the way
Wow, in the end it 
It took another hour and a half
Revisions
Checking meanings

And in the end
Was it THAT MUCH better
Yeah, I think it was better
but, not really that much better
Do they think it was better?

Would I have even thought it was necessary
If I had taken more time on the front end to think
and consider
to consider the cost
consider what really needed to be changed
(yeah, it was good we added the part about not moving yet)
the cost in time
the cost in... 
not affirming someone else's work
not letting them grow and succeed in their own way
once again, me the one to make the final decision
me the one with the final right answer

When will I learn
The difference between 'okay' and 'good'
Is sometimes a couple of hours
loss in affirmation
NOT WORTH IT!!

Excellence--really?

Seriously...I don't know how to do this.

I grew up hearing, "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing right." And then I had to find another mantra because there are so many things that I don't have time to "do right" or well, and so I just leave them...and the piles and clutter--papers, kitchen, email, physical, electronic--are enormous.

New mantras:
If something is worth doing, it's worth doing mediocre.
Better somewhat clean, somewhat tidy.
And so often, Something is better than nothing!

Just do the dishes for 10 minutes--they might not get done this time, but maybe they will, at least it's something. Just exercise for 10 minutes--doesn't matter that they say you need 30 minutes of heart raising cardio, 10 minutes is better than nothing! Just roughly sweep and mop the floors--a lot can be done in 20 minutes.
In my life at home, in my thinking and actions, I'm learning to create new habits--pursuing something less than excellence. And it is very good.

But what about work? And when you're the boss? Or even the employee. Aiming for mediocre is...doesn't quite cut it.

I was in a program--MAL--and in the first class I remember an activity that trained the thinking: "How can we do it better?" Maybe there were several activities with that emphasis. Good stuff. Believe me, I want to do better. I was born trying to do better, always looking for how to improve things. And my goodness, some staff, some of our young people, do need a serious kick in the butt to realize what it means to work hard and diligently, and with excellence.

Me...it's ingrained...I always look for what's missing, how it can be done better. So...a staff member brings a document, or prepares a lesson, or... and I instantly see how it can be done better. In the interest of saving time and meeting deadlines, I can jump right into the work of doing the editing, making the necessary improvements. But I'm realizing it can make all the effort spent to that point feel pretty worthless. Well, I do need to make sure to honour and recognize, and commend all that is good and great already, before making the suggestions. That helps. And...some suggestions and corrections are easy to make, easy to take. We shouldn't be too sensitive about it all. Believe me, they correct me lots too!

But when is it enough? When is imperfect okay? When is "progress" enough? Can I learn to celebrate earlier? Celebrate more often? Celebrate lesser results? What about a big flop? Failure--can we risk it? Can I risk it?

How much should we actually be pursuing excellence? How do we reconcile wanting to do our best, and yet not living up to our own expectations? How do we live in the reality that we will fail, even while it is not what we're aiming for. 

Death

A student's father died today. He had been bedridden and unable to speak or do anything for himself for two years. The accident two years ago was a tragic loss. Today they feel another tragic loss.

Two days ago there was a murder in town--mother and her 11 year old son. Apparently it was a break and entry, robbery...and then two were killed. A man has lost his wife and child.

Last week a friend and I met and suddenly got talking with the owner of a small restaurant. She ended up coming over to borrow some books, and in the process I found out about her husband...died just a few months ago of cancer of the throat. She, as is common here, never told him he had cancer and was dying.

I was looking through my 'drafts' and found something I started to write a few months ago about the gory pictures around town. A body had been found in two parts near the river and they were trying to figure out who it was and who did it.


Oh, and how can I forget--the 20+ trapped underground in a mine last week--this one made international news...I hear they are still pumping water, still haven't found the workers.

Death. A painful part of this world in which we live. It will be nice--the day that death dies. Until then...