Let the Ark of God Fall...

This time the lessons I need to learn about laying down my anxiety come from God Himself.

At the beginning of the year, when reading the beginning of Genesis, I noticed and had the thought--He was there, He saw it, yet did nothing, said nothing. As Eve was reaching out for that fruit, there was no "uh uh" from on high. No "Hey wait, what do you think you're doing? Don't you remember?" Nope. The fall of the human race was about to occur, and He just left them to their decision.

And Jesus...He had just died and rose again, and the disciples were just starting to finally get it, when He left. He just left, just like that. He left the future of church history completely in their hands. Oh, He empowered and equipped them and all, but it really was left to them.

He doesn't seem to get nearly as anxious as I do about people messing things up, getting it wrong, not following through on instructions. Even with them choosing horrible sin that He gets to watch, He holds back.

How does He pull it off? I'm not quite sure, but I'm asking Him to show me how to do the same. How do I become a person that is not anxious about these things, that does not fear the consequences? How do I lay down my anxiety about these things?

In one sermon I've listened too over and over again, there is one line that jumped out at me: "Let the ark of God fall, I'm not going to touch it." He says prayer is one of the key ways we can live without anxiety--at least two hours a day for him, and that means praying through all plans, everying on the calendar from here through the year. When you have prayed through things so thoroughly, and something happens...even the ark of God can fall, and you don't need to touch it. You know it is in God's hands.

Must learn to rest, even with the potential of arks falling.

In Pursuit of Wisdom

A good question was asked at A Place for the God Hungry:  "Am I a person who is growing in wisdom? Or, am I a person who simply gathers bits and pieces of Googled information?" It is too easy to be that latter.

It was a good follow-up to the only verse that jumped out as possibly specifically "for me" in this morning's reading.  It said: "Trusting in oneself is foolish, but those who walk in wisdom are safe" (Prov. 28:26, NLT), and I was left wondering...which am I doing? I'm not supposed to trust myself. And yet, when I trust in wisdom, there is a sense in which it is also coming out of me. This verse doesn't say just blindly trust others. And, of late, I find myself being open and honest with others, allowing them to see, allowing (wanting) them to comment and mirror back to me, but sometimes I am dissatisfied with their responses. Sometimes the words of others are wisdom, sometimes they are not.

"Wisdom is about understanding and becoming a certain kind of person" is a part of another point to ponder on that same page. Am I becoming a person of wisdom?

Today...I need to resist the distractions. I've already been ensnared a few times. 

Open my eyes

Jesus, Son of David, 
Have mercy on me

What do I want you to do for me?
I want you to open my eyes
I want to see

I am so blind
My eyes are weak

Open my eyes to see You
to see Your goodness
     Your good plans
     Your faithfulness

Open my eyes to see others
to see the good
to see the potential
the hope to which You have called them

Open my eyes to see what you are doing
the promise to which you have called us
the beautiful bride you are purifying
the treasure You see in the midst of ashes

Blind me to the sins
the wrongs
the dirt

Oh God, open my eyes
I am blind
I am needy

Oh Jesus, Son of David, 
Have mercy!

Talking to Trees

Some people (like my friend P.T.L.) think of birds--flying and soaring--when they imagine the abundant life we were meant to live. For others (like Thirsty Fool), animals (like a pet dog) provide analogies and metophors for the spiritual life.

I, however, often think of trees. There are so many analogies--the need for deep roots, how we get deep roots, good fruit only from a tree that is good, the time it takes and now hard it is to notice the daily, weekly or even monthly growth of some of the trees that become the strongest and live the longest.

Hardly a suprise then, I guess... As I spent my last day out of the country that has been my home, listening to my Father, hoping for a summary or some final word on what I have learned or how I should go forward, I found myself noticing...first one tree, then another.

Soon I'll post ... what I said to the trees.

And in the learning, in the reflection, I guess this is really more about God speaking to me, through the trees.

Ah...Missed Opportunities

Today, toward the end of the day, I discovered a couple of great things that were going on today in this city, but I didn't know about them earlier, so...

A speaker from Canada, led an all-day session here in Hong Kong today about mid-life, transition, discerning and spirituality. Last time I heard him speak was in 2006 in Hong Kong--a message I later downloaded, and listened to again and again. But alas...

And...I just found out, there is a Silent Retreat going on today--right here! Right at the very retreat centre at which I am staying!! Ah...that would have been so good--to be guided to the silence and presence I so desire. Well, there was only space for 10, and I have no idea if it was full in advance or not, but...

So, instead, I had my own struggle to get to stillness and silence.  It took a long time to get there, and I'm left still wondering why, still trying to figure out what goes on in this heart and head of mine.  Perhaps it is being out of place (my home!) and rhythm (travelling, moving between locations).  Perhaps I still need to develop some habits that will take me there (working on it, believe me, I AM working on it, and I have hope they WILL help take me there).

This is What I've Been Doing

Times of extended retreat give us a chance to come home to ourselves in God's presence and to bring the realities of our lives to God in utter privacy. 

This is important for us and for those we serve. 

When we repress what is real in our life and just keep soldiering on, 

we get weary from holding it in, and eventually it leaks out in ways that are damaging to ourselves and to others. 

But on retreat there is time and space to attend to what is real in my own life--to celebrate the joys, grieve the losses, shed tears, 

sit with the questions, feel my anger, attend to my loneliness

--and allow God to be with me in those places.

These are not times for problem-solving or fixing, 

because not everything can be fixed or solved. 

On retreat we rest in God and wait on him to do what is needed. 

Eventually we return to the battle with fresh energy and keener insight.

(p. 123 Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, R.H. Barton)

This is what I've been doing in my time away. "Fresh energy and keener insight", this is what I've been hoping for.