The difference between Your grace and mine is...
mine is measured.
So glad yours isn't.
Teach me, change me...to be like You.
Oh God, I am so not like you!
how do You do it?
how do You give so much grace?
constantly pouring it out, on those so undeserving
we're barely even thankful you know
or maybe very thankful today
but in a day or two will have forgotten the wonder
a sinner forgiven
granted new life
free, to rise again
and hope
and it bugs me
oh not totally
I do marvel
and am full of joy at the free hope
but it also bugs me
where do they get off so being light and free
when I'm still weeping over what they've done
so many conversations
so many topics
are a bloody reminder
of the pain
the cost
it's like I want to see them free
but still tied down a little
where is the cure for a heart like mine?
how do You give so much grace?
constantly pouring it out, on those so undeserving
we're barely even thankful you know
or maybe very thankful today
but in a day or two will have forgotten the wonder
a sinner forgiven
granted new life
free, to rise again
and hope
and it bugs me
oh not totally
I do marvel
and am full of joy at the free hope
but it also bugs me
where do they get off so being light and free
when I'm still weeping over what they've done
so many conversations
so many topics
are a bloody reminder
of the pain
the cost
it's like I want to see them free
but still tied down a little
where is the cure for a heart like mine?
How do I install a 1-day delay?
I need this installed on my mouth! Ah... It's terrible. So many times I say my first thought, and it is negative and not helpful. I regret what I have said. I so understand the line where Jabez prayed "May I not cause pain". The times I don't say it, I am so thankful, because later, in my thinking, I have seen so many other things, the good side of a situation. Oh, if only every time I opened my mouth I started there.
I must change. I must grow in this. Otherwise, I will always continue to cause so much pain. I just do not want to live like that. THEY do not want, or deserve, for me to live like that.
Sometimes I wonder if there is even hope. But I cannot give up. Maybe as I continue to be aware and act...I will eventually learn. There is an event on Saturday. I know I will see things that could be better, but I need to NOT say anything that day--during, or after--not say anything until later, when I see it from a more balanced perspective. But I know, during that time, I will feel such an URGENCY to say things, I will think it is SO IMPORTANT. I have wondered if I shouldn't go.
When will my presence be a constant blessing and encouragement for those that work with me?
I really don't know how to live.
Lord help!
I must change. I must grow in this. Otherwise, I will always continue to cause so much pain. I just do not want to live like that. THEY do not want, or deserve, for me to live like that.
Sometimes I wonder if there is even hope. But I cannot give up. Maybe as I continue to be aware and act...I will eventually learn. There is an event on Saturday. I know I will see things that could be better, but I need to NOT say anything that day--during, or after--not say anything until later, when I see it from a more balanced perspective. But I know, during that time, I will feel such an URGENCY to say things, I will think it is SO IMPORTANT. I have wondered if I shouldn't go.
When will my presence be a constant blessing and encouragement for those that work with me?
I really don't know how to live.
Lord help!
Reflecting
Posted on my wall is a quote:
"Refuse to use hurry as an excuse to live an unexamined life."
These days... there are so many things to examine and reflect on. Feel like I could use an unhurried MONTH to examine...
"Refuse to use hurry as an excuse to live an unexamined life."
These days... there are so many things to examine and reflect on. Feel like I could use an unhurried MONTH to examine...
Living Free
How and when will I get to the place where I'm living free--where my actions and words consistently lift myself and others to the freedom we were meant to live--to that full and abundant life?
At Best
At best we are beggars
grovelling at your feet of mercy
Oh, but You don't like to see grovelling
So
time and again
You
lift us up, and give us a place to stand
Head hanging, we stand
Lost
Wondering
if there is any usefulness yet to come from this life
this so often straying heart
This heart...so drawn to wander
but so drawn to come back
And the knowing
knowing there is ALWAYS a way back
and a welcome
This I know about You
There is always a welcome
You
always "so ready to forgive"
Glory be, to the God of our yesterdays, the God who is here today, and as tomorrow comes, will still remain faithful, still be offering His love, healing, forgiveness, hope and strength to go on.
(Ps. 86.5, 'God of our Yesterdays' Matt Redman)
grovelling at your feet of mercy
Oh, but You don't like to see grovelling
So
time and again
You
lift us up, and give us a place to stand
Head hanging, we stand
Lost
Wondering
if there is any usefulness yet to come from this life
this so often straying heart
This heart...so drawn to wander
but so drawn to come back
And the knowing
knowing there is ALWAYS a way back
and a welcome
This I know about You
There is always a welcome
You
always "so ready to forgive"
Glory be, to the God of our yesterdays, the God who is here today, and as tomorrow comes, will still remain faithful, still be offering His love, healing, forgiveness, hope and strength to go on.
(Ps. 86.5, 'God of our Yesterdays' Matt Redman)
Cringe
"I just like to stay pretty much connected all the time"--a fellow traveller in an airport waiting room. Cringe. "Why?" I thought, feeling, and imagining the life getting sucked out of me.
"Tour Europe--5 countries in 8 days"--advertisement in a travel agency. Cringe. Who would want to? What would you actually get out of that? What would you enjoy? Wouldn't it be almost arrogant to then feel like you had actually seen the countries? What would be the benefit of rushing by everything? How exhausting!
I feel things differently than I used to. I'm so much more aware of the toll on my mind and heart. I think I'm learning to live different as a result, but I still need to practice.
Leighton Ford's The Attentive Life: Discerning God's Presence in All Things speaks to what I am more trying to emulate now. He says, "I no longer regard it as a compliment if someone says, 'Leighton can do three things at one time.' Instead I take it as a rueful reminder: do one thing at a time, slow down, take time to breathe, to pray, to remember what has just happened with gratitude (or regret), to prepare my heart and mind for what comes next instead of rushing ahead with an overstuffed mind."
Cost: Feeling like I am disappointing people, feeling guilty that I am not giving all I can or helping as much as I should.
Benefit: Presence--being able to be really present with people when I am there, and more present to God and what He is doing in and around me, more clear that I am responding to His voice rather than just my own compulsions.
"Tour Europe--5 countries in 8 days"--advertisement in a travel agency. Cringe. Who would want to? What would you actually get out of that? What would you enjoy? Wouldn't it be almost arrogant to then feel like you had actually seen the countries? What would be the benefit of rushing by everything? How exhausting!
I feel things differently than I used to. I'm so much more aware of the toll on my mind and heart. I think I'm learning to live different as a result, but I still need to practice.
Leighton Ford's The Attentive Life: Discerning God's Presence in All Things speaks to what I am more trying to emulate now. He says, "I no longer regard it as a compliment if someone says, 'Leighton can do three things at one time.' Instead I take it as a rueful reminder: do one thing at a time, slow down, take time to breathe, to pray, to remember what has just happened with gratitude (or regret), to prepare my heart and mind for what comes next instead of rushing ahead with an overstuffed mind."
Cost: Feeling like I am disappointing people, feeling guilty that I am not giving all I can or helping as much as I should.
Benefit: Presence--being able to be really present with people when I am there, and more present to God and what He is doing in and around me, more clear that I am responding to His voice rather than just my own compulsions.
What if...
What if we lived with absolutely no pretense
What if there was never any 'spin'
never ... ever!
What if we were truly humble
all of the time
What if there were absolutely no secrets
nothing hidden ... ever!
What if we always and regularly confessed
all of our sins ... to each other
What if this was the church
We we be so free
We could dance
We could cry
There would be hope
We could actually change
What if there was never any 'spin'
never ... ever!
What if we were truly humble
all of the time
What if there were absolutely no secrets
nothing hidden ... ever!
What if we always and regularly confessed
all of our sins ... to each other
What if this was the church
We we be so free
We could dance
We could cry
There would be hope
We could actually change
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