A Daily Prayer

God I arise today through a mighty strength,  the blessing of the trinity,

God’s strength to pilot me,

God’s might to uphold me,

God’s wisdom to guide me.

Christ within me,

Christ before me,

Christ beneath me,

 Christ above me.

God , I choose above all else to live this day with You.

I joyfully offer you my time, my attitudes, my energy, and my words.

With your help I will fill this day with obedience, gratitude, humility and a little pizzaz.

In Jesus’ Name

(adapted from St. Patrick’s Lorica prayer)

John Ortberg, Sept. 10 sermon to introduce sermon series...entering into the "with God" life

Priorities

Will you seek to make “life with God” 

the most important priority of your existence, 

and will you die to any thing or sin 

that would get in its way?

Will you seize it like a drowning man

seizes a life raft? 

Will you make it a greater priority 

than making money or being healthy 
or being beautiful or being liked?

John Ortberg, Sept. 10 sermon to introduce sermon series...entering into the "with God" life

REALLY Starting a Journey

Ah, the journey I want to begin, I wrote about it earlier here. And now, roughly half a year later, after spending 6 weeks going through 3 weeks in the journey, and continuing to seek about starting for real with a journey companion, the time has come!

Oh Thank You LORD! The one who was on my heart, the one I thought may be interested, she really was, was right in the process of seeking for something like this herself.  It will be demanding, and awkward, and ...well I don't know what all it will be, but it will be good. 

And maybe a couple of others are interested too....

So, October 1 we start. And now we're getting ready. The goal is transformation, in the presence of Jesus. And there is nothing I need more.

Nothing I need more.
Knowing God, seeing Him in all things, recognizing His presence throughout my days, and being changed by Him.
This is going to be hard.
I'm going to stumble and fall along the way.
But it just might ... change my life.
And change I DO want!

Joy = It’s good to be with you

He sits on my lap

happy and content

playing

chewing on the

colourful

beaded toy

looking around

but suddenly a look up 
and back

to check

to remember

that he is here with me

that he is not alone

And if we are here

together

then all is good

he doesn’t need
to be constantly entertained

some interaction

now and then is good

but he just needs to know

we are here

together

I am here

sitting on Your lap

surrounded by Your arms

Your care

I am safe

I forget sometimes

I know I am in Your presence

I don’t need the constant reminders

constant affirmation

I just need to know You are here

and when I do

it’s okay

I am here

safe in this life

as I rest on You

in You

I may feel like I’m falling

I may feel unsafe

it might hurt

it might be hard

but I am carried

I am safe

I’m okay

You are watching

holding

aware

You won’t let me fall

Now and again I look over my shoulder
and up at You

and am reassured of Your presence

here with me

and I am content


Written around August 26, 2012. Thanks Levi, for the chance to spend time with you, and for how much you teach me about life and God and so much that is good.

And where did the title of this post come from? In January this year I attended a seminar on The Immanuel Process (descriptions here and here). The process, though meant to lead us to healing, starts in the place of joy, and one description we learned of joy had to do with presence, that sense of being with someone else, especially with God, and "it's good to be with you".  When we are with someone we love, someone who loves us, that is joy. Finally "joy" and how we can get to and have joy in spite of trial and hardship made sense to me. That day sitting there with Levi...reminded me. It was joy, for him, for me, joy and contentment and peace...

Levi's Mom and Dad--yeah, this is joy too!

This streak

this streak

down the side of my cheek

it’s there

every time

I sit

and enter in

every time

I come and

sit here with You

sharing

what is really on my heart

the burdens

the heartache

it’s this season

it’s not depressing

or negative

or moping

it just hurts

and there are a lot of

unanswered questions

and unsure

resolutions

and so much yearning

and disappointments

hope

hurt

so much

and so the tears fall

when I’m with You

safe

here

sharing all that I am

all that You know

the me

that You know

and the You that I know

sees

hears

understands

holds

waits

and will be here tomorrow

whether the streak is here

or not


(written ~Aug. 28, 2012)

Crying out to You

Are You walking with me each day Lord?  Even though I'm in a bit of a fog, and feel disconnected (amazing how the body affects the mind and emotions).  But...was that You?

Sunday night or Monday morning I cried out for help--for energy and motivation, and Monday morning came that email from a friend, telling me she was praying for me, asking if there was anything else. And it gave a little bit of energy, and enthusiasm.

Tuesday night, after a tired and jet-lagged day, cried out for help again--need motivation to get into and back at work. Then in the night there was a dream. I woke remembering how, in the dream, I was explaining to a former teacher, someone distant from the work here, all that has happened, the students, etc...and it left me feeling that "yes, this is meaningful and worth doing".

Is that You, God? Are You here, gently, day by day, reminding and encouraging, in my weakness and confusion?

Oh I have seen You in past weeks, some very big ways, some very significant things (much 'drafted', but not yet posted here). And yet today, again, I need You, I need to know You near. Thank You for every little and big reminder.

it just got personal

I just heard
a friend tested HIV positive
I was just about to write "a friend has AIDS"
but I guess it's not the same thing
I know it is not
shows how little I'm really connected to these diseases
how far away I've been
it's all been limited "head knowledge"
but that is about to change

a weird situation
I know before the patient
and before his wife
am part of the discussion about how to tell them
but what do I know?

HIV positive 
I wonder what this will mean
for him
for his family
for the church
I wonder how he got it
how long he's had it
they will be wondering and asking all these questions
hopefully the doctor will tell them
with lots of answers
and lots of compassion

how many people will they tell
how will others react

what a blow
their lives will be forever changed

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy

update:  An initial test looked positive, another turned up negative, waiting for the official results from the disease control centre.

a Franciscan blessing

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, 

half truths and superficial relationships, 

so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, 

oppression and exploitation of people, 

so that you make work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer 

from pain rejection, starvation and war, 

so that you may turn your hand to comfort them 

and turn their pain to joy, and

May God bless you with enough foolishness 

to believe that you can make a difference in this world,

so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Come Crawling

There she was
Desperate, needy
"if only I can touch Him"
She had tried everything else
All to no avail
Each time
Hope
Shattered

But still seeking
hoping
after 12 long years
this time it would be different
If only she could touch Him

I too come crawling
Seeking healing
Desperate
Don't dare to come too boldly
Not sure what I'd see in Your eyes
Or the eyes of others
If I came openly
Too afraid
Too ashamed
Yet
So needy
Nothing else has worked
And believe me, I've tried
I seek
A touch
A release from this misery
hoping
after several long years
that this time it will be different

(Luke 8)

This river--16 years

It was just over 16 years ago
I had not yet moved to this town
this county
when I first rode this river
marvelling at the bamboo
wondering
what was to be

I had no clue 
what the move 2 months later would bring
wondered if I would survive
if I would be incredibly lonely
the contract was just for a year
I could survive that long
and leave afterwards

but I stayed
and stayed
and now 16 years have come and gone
I'm on the river again

16 years ago
on the river 
surrounded by others
strangers, inviting me 
to be friend and colleague
one especially who 
opened the door and made a path

Now I am the host
surrounded again
by those invited
to be friends and colleagues
former strangers
now inviting others

Once again I am surrounded
and wonder

Where will they go from here
these students who are leaving
they're still making their plans
setting direction
and finding companions for the journey
they keep choosing one guy
To be the friend with whom they share
and challenge
and walk
looking for ways to really make it
and live a life of depth
and honour
a life worth emulating

And I wonder
where will we go from here
my colleagues and I
we're exhausted
we've run hard
worked hard
developed something 
these past 3 years
the main parts
a complete 3-year program
all there now

But do we have what it takes to go forward?
the energy and heart, the passion
the skills
the commitment
I don't want to pour into a sieve
or a funnel
unless that is what it is supposed to be

this river
if we go on
there will be annual trips
celebrating with each group of grads that choose to 
"lead yourself, lead others"

the last 16 years
passed in a blink
the next will too
but where this river will take me
how many times I'll re-visit
only God knows

Lord,
Creator of this river
You who know it's source
and where it goes
Lead my life
All my days
As I follow
and wonder
 
 
 

The Fire

Forever now
lives will be marked
everything
either before or after
the fire

The stuff insurance covered
The stuff bought
the places lived
after the fire
the few things found
surprised 
by water bottles, tomatoes and photos
couldn't imagine it had survived
from before the fire

Burned, charred
Lost, confused
Hurt ... so much was lost
Shaken ... how do we regain
Overwhelmed, yet trying to be hopeful

And yes, thankful for what was not lost
What is most precious
from before
is still here after
husband, wife, daddy, mommy, daughters, sisters
lives
family
And God
somehow holding us all

The fire
what is this mark
this standing stone
this altar
it stands

and I wonder 

For S&T.W.--I hold you up in my prayers...and wonder...


 

In You I take refuge

"O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge..."  Ps. 7:1

So many mornings I rush into the day
I try to first spend time with You
To turn to You
Read Your word
Listen
But I get so distracted, not focused

Today I've been able to focus
Not run to other things--internet browsing etc
(Even able to ignore reading some text messages, till after)
But now as the time comes to an end
I start to feel anxious
All the things that need to be done in these two days
And the feeling that there are too many I have not yet thought of
Come rushing in

But God, here, now, in You I take refuge
I turn to you, I ask You God
to lead this day
to show the way
to point me to Your solutions

And I trust God
That I, that my needs are not hidden from You
In love and compassion and mercy You are watching me
You are looking on in love and compassion and mercy
Guiding, protecting
Enough of what needs to happen will happen

Lead me Lord
In Your mercy and grace
Help me to trust


Written Aug 3, 2012, Psalm 7 & 8 were the readings at 2 Years of Psalms this week.

I'm counting on it!

Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.

ps. 9:10 NLT

This is one of the verses I have landed on and clung to again and again throughout the years. There are a few of them in the Psalms. Psalm 25:3 says, "No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame" (NIV). When struggling, when nearing despair, when wondering where the answers might be, when overwhelmed by the challenges, I've often come back to this verse and cried out to God--You said it...I'm relying on it.

I'm there again today
I don't know what to do
what direction to turn
A breakthrough is desparately needed
One I've been looking for for a long time

And so I turn to You God
I turn to You, again, still
I put my hope in You
in Your love
in Your goodness
and choose to believe that
in turning to You
I will not be put to shame
I will not be abandoned

(Psalm 9 is the reading for this week at 2 Years of Psalms, I jumped on this verse and grabbed it!)  

His Hand

Did You take his hand
to save his life?
much like the surgeon
takes the leg
to get the cancer
and save the man

But he didn't have cancer
just a horrible beginning
a father, a thief
who ran off his mother
or she ran off 
after he tried to kill her
for reporting about the cow

In grade 7 or 8
he almost joined his friends
dropping out of school
off to work as a labourer
or...a life of crime
stealing for a living
like his dad
it had all crossed his mind 
 
Because of his hand
thumb and two fingers missing
since playing with dynamite at six
he realized
job pickings would be slim

So he stayed
Because of his hand

And stayed
into high school
and met
and heard
about a different way to live
taking responsibility for life
honesty and girls as more than objects

He started to change
own up
confessed how he had lied
to get more money
stood in front of his peers and confessed
things no one dares confess
but most everyone thinks

Gentleness and humility
now mark the young man
drawing his peers
to walk together
choosing again and again
a better path
while yet still trying to overcome
and understand
his hand

When he lost his hand, his fingers
he almost lost his life

Now without the fingers
on the way to gaining life 
for himself
and future generations

Ponder this...

The post from PatrickMitchel's blog is actually about blogging, but the part about retreats resonates with me. I think I need more of the Catholic priest's tradition:

Here’s a story I like to tell: some years ago a large group of members and staff of an evangelical Christian organisation were away on a 2 day retreat in a very nice hotel. (I guess funding had been sourced from somewhere!). We had an excellent time socially and in discussions, workshops and talks. At the end a Catholic priest who had been invited as an observer shared his thoughts. He said something like this (in a very gracious and gently witty way),

In our tradition when someone goes on retreat they go to experience and listen to God. The first way they do this is to fast. You have not stopped eating all weekend. A second characteristic of a retreat in our tradition is to spend many hours in prayer. You have hardly prayed at all except quickly to give thanks to God at meal times. And a third characteristic is to spend considerable time in silence, listening for what God is saying. You have never stopped talking.

There was silence at that point alright. His words hit home because they were true