Mercy's Rain

Where am I, Lord?
Only You know

I believe, I trust
You are here
Thought it feels like darkness closing in

I resonate with most of this:

   Lord, I know not what I ought to ask of thee; 
   Thou only knowest what I need...
   I simply present myself before thee,
   I open my heart to thee. 
   Behold my needs which I know not myself.
   Smite, or heal;
   Depress me, or raise me up;
   I adore all thy purposes without knowing them;
   I am silent; 
   I offer myself in sacrifice;
   I yield myself to thee;
   I would have no other desire than to accomplish thy Will.
   Teach me to pray. Pray thyself in me. Amen
   --Francois Fenelon

The high demands of following Jesus
Being like Him--in sacrifice, generosity, discipline, etc
(another reading today)
Do not inspire today
Only seem... far beyond my reach

Today I fall on Your mercy
Your grace
Knowing You still receive
Even if all I can do is crawl
Or lay flat on my face

Here
Flat on my face
Rain comes
Your touch soothes

You know where I am
And that is enough

Why so gracious

Sometimes I wish You were not so gracious
Of course, that's when I'm pointing the finger at someone else
"How could You let him/her get away with that?"
"Shouldn't you call her/him on that one?"
It's when I wish they would feel bad about what they have done

But You
seem to generously overlook
and put up with so much
in Your children

We are so flawed
so much "not yet right"
and yet You seem to focus on the good
work to bring out the best
let some things slide
glory in the beauty
in spite of the mess

How do You see Your child
when she has walked away
disillusioned
by all the wrong she has seen
and experienced
in Your family

How do You see the one
lost in blame of others
blind to the part they played
to trigger it all

How does Your heart keep
yearning
reaching
hoping
towards those who
walk away
ignore
refuse to look to You

How do you stay
gracious
forgiving
accepting
always willing to welcome a repentant heart

How is it that no one is ever beyond Your
compassion
willingness to forgive
compassionate eyes

You
amaze me
time and again

Thank You
for changing me
to be more and more like You

Will it ever end?

For some it is like this I hear...

Adolescence
Parent and child
Who knows why there are so many flare ups
Why every word (it seems) comes ripe with the potential for
Misunderstanding, mistrust, misconstruing 
So many conversations trying to reconcile
Work things out
Explain
Understand

But still new ones come
Who knows where they come from sometimes
Will it ever end?

And it just hurts
It's just hard
Looking at someone you care for
Knowing you're unable to express the care
Or, somehow, every time you try 
It doesn't make it to their heart, their understanding
Feeling you are despised, a pain
Them feeling they are that to you, too

Will we make it through this time of pain?
What will it take?
Is there something different to do?
Another way to live?

All I know to do
Is to keep holding on to this hand that is holding me
And not give up

Jesus, search, reveal, renew, restore
Grant faith, hope, endurance, and joy
To somehow make it through this season
And emerge on the other side
With an incredible story to tell
A story of Your grace and mercy

Forays of the Prodigal

Did he ever run away again?

After going so far

Living so low

Repenting so completely

Knowing such grace…

Did he ever leave again?

He never imagined he would

How could he want to?

That night at the banquet

He was a truly changed man

This mercy, this grace

He could only be thankful

But not too long after

He felt it again

Those same frustrations

Same temptations

He just had to leave

Oh, the forays were different now

Not as long

Not as far

Sometimes the distance was only emotional, inside

And the time gone

Each time became shorter

Sooner, he “came to his senses”

But one thing never changed

Always was his Father waiting there

Always he came running

Always were the arms wide open

Always was there complete forgiveness and grace

For he had always been

The beloved son

He had always been heir

Meant to live out the family name

It did take time though

To grow into the reality

The difference

The difference between Your grace and mine is...
mine is measured.
So glad yours isn't.
Teach me, change me...to be like You.

Oh God, I am so not like you!

how do You do it?
how do You give so much grace?
constantly pouring it out, on those so undeserving
we're barely even thankful you know
or maybe very thankful today
but in a day or two will have forgotten the wonder

a sinner forgiven
granted new life
free, to rise again
and hope

and it bugs me

oh not totally
I do marvel
and am full of joy at the free hope

but it also bugs me

where do they get off so being light and free
when I'm still weeping over what they've done
so many conversations
so many topics
are a bloody reminder
of the pain
the cost

it's like I want to see them free
but still tied down a little

where is the cure for a heart like mine?