Starting to feel again...

Maybe I am

finally 

starting to feel again

I've been

I've felt

     disconnected

for so long

Disconnected

   from me

   from feeling much of anything

rather numb, I guess

and I've wondered why

I still don't know why

not completely

I suspect it's related to this rather long season

a big transition 

with many 

    aspects

    choices

    tensions

Perhaps in the process

living with a constant undercurrent

of tension

     so many decisions

     so many unknowns

Maybe

sometimes

I don't let myself feel

lest the feelings overwhelm

and drown me

Now

maybe I'm moving again

into a place where I can breathe, again

I can figure out what it means to be me, again

get excited about going forward, again

maybe...

But for now

I'm thankful

I can sense

I'm starting to feel again

Feel

    the pain of situations happening far away

    the loneliness of missing family

Even

    some of that overwhelm again

No, the overwhelm, is not fun

there is so much ahead

    so much to face

    so much to learn how to do

    so many to whom I am responsible

    so many directions in which my head goes

But with the overwhelm

at least there is something to figure out

    and face

At least I'm not just in denial

    shut down

Perhaps, in the feeling again

I can even

once again 

start to feel 

connected to God, again

    and I think...that's what I've missed most