Why it hurts...

Why does it hurt so bad?
I think I finally figured it out
Thank You!
It's because
I'm not one to give up
I don't
I don't give up hope
But in this case I have to
And it goes against everything in me
I've been so trained in
Still believing
Still hoping
"Maybe things will change"
And anything but
Is agony

(weird...that hoping is sometimes agony too!)

But...
I've walked away before
I've laid things down before
It was hard then too
Was there anything I learned then
And now
That will help?

This helps already
Realizing why it hurts
Hope, I guess,
Was never meant to die
It is the nature of hope
To keep hoping
And even when I think I don't have hope anymore
I'm still
(believe it or not)
Hoping

Lord, please, help this one to die, to rest.
It needs to
I need to go on
Thank You 
You know
You understand
You...are holding me now.