How does a heart...

How does a heart hold all this
How does one contain
How do I treasure
and yet let go
the joys
the memories
the relationships
the closeness

And how do I endure
the pain
of leaving
of going

And steel myself
once again
for...

How do I navigate
How can I learn
to not live so extreme
I don't have to be alone
I'm not
just don't always know how
or neglect
to bring others in

No one taught me
How to live this life
And there are certainly plenty of detractors
Real and imagined

The only way I see
Has always been the only way
To somehow know You
Be led by You


I'm finding posts previously written...saved in drafts...this one was Feb. 27, 2013--so that was the day I left Texas, anticipating Calgary for 4 days, Toronto for 4 days, then back to the other side of the world. The night before leaving Texas--I was feeling the ripping. I hadn't expected to so connect with those two boys. Yep, "Spark" and "Bright Eyes" (我爱你们！), you crawled up into my heart and made it hard to leave. And I was getting tired of and wondering how on earth I was supposed to take it, to navigate this "connect ... cut ... connect ... cut" of seeing people again, going deep, then the severing 'good-bye'...