Life as process (or art as a spiritual discipline)

I am "playing" at drawing this vacation. This is definitely an underdeveloped part of my life--I have not much clue what I am doing, but for a couple of years now I have wanted to pick up paint or pencils and start drawing. I watched a few YouTube videos and looked at many websites about drawing with pencil, coloured pencils, charcoal, and oil pastels...so I do some of the practise exercises and try to get the feel of the mediums. I just drew this picture with oil pastels, inspired by the view out my window. (I'm loving looking at the big sky where I am these days!!)

As I was drawing, I had the same sense I had when I wrote Art... and Transformation. (That piece came while doing a simple line drawing last time I was on a silent retreat.)

Playing with the pastels today, I realized I should keep learning to draw, and perhaps especially with pastels, as a discipline to train myself to honour the beauty and value of process. The initial lines look real bad---even in the YouTube videos by the experts. The first underlying colours are hardly identifiable in the end. My problem was that the first time through I applied the underlying colour much too lightly. I was afraid the mess, the wrong colour would stand out too strong in the end, but that looked worse. It needed strong colour, so that later, when other shades were added, there was something to grab, pull in, and blend together. It is the process, layer upon layer, no one layer making much sense on its own, that eventually leads to the completed image.

What about the strong colour of certain life experiences? How does that part make sense? Maybe it was not supposed to...on its own. My personality, I am told, can be rather strong. So, I become so afraid, and hold back from being who I am. Untempered, unrefined, it looks too messy. Others do not understand and I pull back. But it IS being refined, it is not as messy as it used to be. And maybe, in the lives of others, my part is to add some of those strong bold lines that give definition, sharpen the focus, give a depth of meaning and create contrast. Another time, place, or circumstance will bring the softer colours, or the blending process.