Wrestling it through...

When You speak

When You break through

What do You want us to do with that?

Do You want us to just 

   listen

   receive

   and do it?

Perhaps, sometimes.

Perhaps, often even.

But is that always what you want us to do.

Jacob wrestled a blessing from You

You told Moses to leave You alone (Ex. 32:10)

So that Your anger could burn and destroy the people

But he didn't leave You alone

He argued that one with You

And You relented

It's almost as if You wanted Him to stay and argue

Was it a test?

Just a bit later (33:1-3) You told him

You wouldn't go with him, with them

You'd send an angel

But You wouldn't go

And again he argues with You

And...You let him

And seem to like it

I've always thought I could engage with You

I've always thought You could take my questions

But this, now, is the context of when You speak to me

When You speak to Your people

It makes sense that we should engage

And like the examples above, even

   question

   disagree

Your final answer

Might be a little different than the original

And now I'm thinking a step further

Of the times I thought You have spoken

And I did agree, I did like it

But then I just sat on it

And sometimes

They didn't happen

Could it be that my lack of wrestling it through

   praying that it would really happen

   became a hindrance?

Could it be

That when You speak

No matter what

You really want us

You really want me

   to engage

Hearing You speak

Hearing what You say

   is not quite enough

There are implications

There are always implications

And I need to learn to stay

   and work those out

To keep listening

   and wrestling

It is a whole life

Continually lived in Your presence

Always engaged