Widow again...

Last time You asked me to be the Widow of Zarephath--to keep giving, to the last of my energy especially, not knowing if there was any more coming, just give it and trust. And the next day there was a little bit again, and I gave it again, and the next day, and the next day. Thank You!

Now You ask me to be the Widow giving in the temple--to keep giving even when it seems like so little it's not even worth it; to keep giving when I can't see how it may make a difference; to keep giving when I have no clue that it matters.

But it does matter. It matters to You that I give everything I've got. "Everything I've got"--whew! When have I ever given that much? That lady puts me to shame.

How can I remember this? So many days I struggle to find motivation. I don't see how this is part of the plan. I doubt the effectiveness of this plan--doubt my judgment in taking it forward. And so I don't give "everything I've got." Oh I give, at times, enthusiastically and with great bursts of energy. But there are times when I hold back, resist, do not do the faithful, mundane, seemingly useless thing. I find ways to distract myself (it's not hard!), and avoid responsibility. When I do that, it's not only as if the widow refused to give, it's receiving one, not two or five, and because it's only one, taking it and burying it, not even putting it in a bank to at least gain some interest. And it's the little boy with his lunch, but this time refusing to give. What? How can the little be multiplied to feed thousands, except it be offered first?

How can I remember? How can I convince myself that it's still important? Oh if I was talking to someone else I'd readily see the importance and encourage them to keep giving. But for myself?

How can I... Can I somehow... look in Your eyes, see You looking at me, nodding, smiling, and saying "yes, it is good." If I could see that, I think maybe I could ... keep giving my two pennies, in worship.