His dad left today

His dad left today, left to go work somewhere else in this big country. He didn't want him to leave, wanted him to stay around for the rest of this year at least, but he left. He left, not taking a phone. Not planning to have a phone. When will they next be in touch? When will he next hear from him?

Two years go this time, he was in grade 12, and his dad was working far away, when the rumours started. Rumours, and some evidence he saw himself--mom seemed to be involved with someone else. He pleaded with is dad, take mom to where you are. He fought for the family, and they are still together. It was in one of those conversations his dad told him, "When we got married I found out she was pregnant with you." He is another man's son. Whose...I wonder how much he wonders. Later his dad came back and said something like, "but you have always been my son". A son of love, if not of blood.

He is going to do better than his dad. He is learning to look in the face of the pain. He feels it, he admits it. Oh, he's not too good at admitting it yet, but he's learning. And he's learning to admit his struggle, his weakness. He'll learn to be able to work things through with others.

His dad...I'm sure he's done the best he can. In so many ways I respect him. But...he carries his own wounds. He is still physically affected by beatings received as a child. And having your own father shoot and kill your brother. Yes, his dad has his own wounds. 

Lord, bring Your healing to this family. When and how will this young man ever feel safe enough to be completely and totally vulnerable? To admit his deep need. To find hope and healing in You.

He's trying to learn. He's working to grow. But sometimes the pain is deep and he feels so small.

Tears are falling today, falling for this young man, and for the gap and for the pain.